I’m Back

I had my abortion on December 1st. I joined the site and was actively a part of it for a few weeks, but then I believed I was beginning to heal, so I stopped coming back.

Literally only a few days after my abortion, my sister-in-law told us she was pregnant. I talked with a few people about it, including my sister and friends, and we talked about the possibility of reincarnation. Maybe after my baby left me, it found her. If I had stayed pregnant, I would have been having the baby in July, this month. My sister was supposed to be having her baby in September, but he made an early arrival on July 10th at 2:35 in the afternoon. I cannot help, but think that maybe I and this baby will have a special relationship. I don’t know, thinking like that kinda scares me a bit.
I have been thinking about my baby all month. I can’t believe how quickly July came. I thought the pain would go away, but I cannot forget about the life that I took away, and I hope I never will. In April I got a tattoo that says, “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always.” I got the tattoo for many reasons, including my baby who I will never forget about.

Hoping for the best for all the girls. <3

Hard Day Today.

I work in a family restaurant. Many families consist of babies. So I usually see at least one baby a day.

Since I have had an abortion, seeing babies is very hard for me, I feel a pain in my heart that just won’t go away. But this past week has been especially hard for me, and today was no fun. I was walking through the restaurant, all the while talking to a boy who I was training, when I made eye contact with one of the cutest babies I had ever seen. He had these huge blue eyes that seemed to be looking right into my soul. I literally stopped in my path and stared at this baby for nearly a minute when the boy I was training brought me back to reality. I apologized to him and to the parents who had noticed how I was staring at their child. Then I ran into the back and locked myself in the bathroom. I fell on the floor and began sobbing hysterically. I knew people would be able to hear me, and most would think I was some insane girl crying in the bathroom. But I just couldn’t help it. As soon as I saw that baby images from the sonogram popped into my head and I couldn’t help it.

I’m so sorry, baby. I wish I would have let you grow. I wish I could have held you in my arms.