Ultrasound Tuesday said I was 6 weeks, 1 day. Doctor said I am due 8-8. I reminded him that because of the diabetes, last time he planned to deliver me one month early. He planned to deliver me on Tuesday, but the baby decided to be born a month early anyway, on Saturday. Surprise!
I do not know of the doctor’s faith, but he made one, really quick statement –he was not worried. Yeah, after telling me all the things he wanted to do and what bad things I could expect, Down Syndrome being the number one possible “problem”. He will have me do an amniocentesis as soon as physically possible to find out. He had me do a 24-hour urine collection (mostly for kidney function, but also for creatinine and other things), had a few tubes of blood sucked out, and the second ultrasound. You know, I think he is doing better for me, as a diabetic, than my primary care physician. He has common sense and experience, not just book smarts. My PCP just waits for problems; she does not do safety checks (like the 24-hour urine). I never want bad news, but if there is a problem, I would like to know asap so it can be treated or so progress can be delayed.
I got pregnant on Nov 13 or 14. The last ultrasound was done on Tues, Dec 16. Technically, I was only 1 month pregnant, but the test showed the baby’s heartbeat and I got to hear it too. Wow! I had no idea it happened so soon. I saw a bumper sticker today that said “abortion stops a beating heart”. Well, that is true, even this early. The live-motion picture (ultrasound) was amazing. I actually saw the little, tiny heart beating even though you still can not make out that the miniscule form is a real baby. You can not see arms, legs, or even which end will be the head, but there was the heart — just beating away. Unbelievable!
Next appointment is Jan 7. Dr. will have all the test results by then so I will be able to see where things stand as far as my health and what he thinks needs to be done next. This can almost be guaranteed to not be your usual pregnancy. He told me that he will want to see me every 3 weeks at the beginning, working up to once per week, then 2-3 times per week near the end (July/August). With my first baby, I had to spend all of weeks 35 and 36 in the hospital just so I could be watched. Crappy thing, because of the diabetes, I had to stay another whole week after the baby was born. Grrr! 3 whole weeks in the hospital and I was just days from being 22 years old. Can you imagine my impatience at that age? LOL
Boring, slightly unrelated stuff:
1.) Called daughter’s school today about visiting the alternative school. I was told they would figure when we could then they would call me back.
2.) Called lawyer about car wreck I was in in October. I have to look into getting physical therapy so he can have more evidence to support my case that I believe he will take on. I may give more info on this later.
3.) Had carpal tunnel surgery on both hands – one in May, one in June. Found out today I have “trigger thumb” in my left thumb and have to have surgery in January. Yay! The fun never ends. Sense the sarcasm? LOL. That makes the third x-ray I have had since I have been pregnant. The first one was for the headaches I have been having since the car wreck (thus prompting the law suit — especially since my claim was dropped when the girl who hit me would not contact her insurance company and they would not pay out for damages). The second one was a chest x-ray because of bronchitis-like symptoms I have had since May. I did not know I was pregnant (not quite 2 weeks) when I had them, but knew it was a possibility — because I was not on birth control and had been watching for ovulation dates. They had me wear a lead vest for those, and today, they had me wear one on the front and on the back. Thank the Lord for that.
2:09 am – time to quit. Til next time. . .
Had the first ultrasound Monday. It showed I was 5 weeks and 1 day preg (preg will probably be used from here out, to mean pregnant, to save time and space). I had them explain how that could be when I conceived just over 3 weeks before. The tech tried to explain how they add 2 weeks for some weird reason and that technically, babies are born at 38 weeks, not 40. So, as of today, Friday, 12-12, they say I am almost 6 weeks.
I got a call yesterday that I will see the OB, for the first time, on Tuesday, and then have another ultrasound that afternoon. Because of all my health concerns and age, he wants to see me, personally, before he goes on Christmas vacation.
OK, time for boring stuff: I got so mad, upset, and irritated Wednesday night. Not having antidepressants makes everything worse. Call me weird, obsessive, or whatever, but I buy all my consumable, household supplies/items once a year — tax refund time. Because I will not be having a period for the next 8 months and because my daughter is using Depo, her flow is minimal, I tried to take the 4 pkgs of pads we would have used back to WM (you know where that is, right?). I also had extra shave cream, feminine wipes, and hair conditioner. When I got my receipt out, they said they could not give me a refund because their return policy was only 90 days. Funny thing though… I also brought back a bra that was too small without a receipt and they gave me the money back for it. (??!!) So I am thinking that I will take the items that were not taken to different WM stores as I get to them and return them without the receipt. I do not get it. The pkgs are not opened and they are not things that will expire or go bad. They still have these items on their shelf. Pads, shave cream, and conditioner do not change much. What the heck, you know? I got so upset (because I needed the money) that I started feeling sicker (I have a bit of a head cold), having nausea, and back cramping. It scared me.
More stress: I have not filled you in on my daughter, nor will I say much when I do talk about her. I had to get a paper filled out to get her enrolled in the “Homebound” program through school. You may not understand, but she has a problem where she can not learn by the methods used at her school. I can teach her, what they mean to, in a matter of seconds as compared to her listening to them for an hour everyday. Because she is an excellent student otherwise, she fears doing poorly and will do so because of this. She has gotten to where she will not go to school. I got a truancy letter yesterday. Usually, this problem causes actual, verifiable, physical health problems so we have been able to keep her out because of them and have her keep up with her homework. It has gotten so bad for her that she panicked when I tried to take her to school Wednesday. I decided that Something had to be done right away. So, that brings us today. Her psychiatrist (which I do not think she Really needs), who treats her for depression (mmm, don’t know about that either!), completed the form saying she can not attend school and needs to be in the school’s “homebound” program (tutor comes to the house to teacher her – as is done for those children who are, mostly, physically unable to get to school, say after a near-fatal car wreck or who are in a body cast or these type things). She is more at peace and I am a little less stressed now that I know the school and truant officer will not be harassing me.
Getting tired. Got a lot to do too. Til next time…..
I found out almost a week ago that I could be pregnant. When my period did not start on Thanksgiving, I started getting nervous. I had to go out of town on Saturday, Sunday was a day I figured I would just hold out on, then Monday was the day I bought an at-home pregnancy test — not the inexpensive, one-dollar, kind either! lol 2:00 in the afternoon, it showed “positive”. Oh crap! Am I supposed to be happy? I was, but not as much as I thought I would be.
On Wednesday (after telling the dad), I called the OB who delivered my first/only child (17 years earlier!), but my call had to be returned. To save time… I had to call back on Friday. To see what steps to take next. I was told that the Dr. was going to be on vacation for the last two weeks of December and asked if there was anything that would require a quicker visit.
Here is where the tricky part comes in. I have been diabetic for 31 years. I was diagnosed as being hypothyroid over 7 years ago. I had colorectal cancer in 2001 (praise God there was no chemo or radiation, only surgery – colon (rectum) resection, and I have been being treated for “major depression disorder” for one year (as of 5 days ago). Oh yeah… I have been having abnormal pap tests for at least 2 years. My OB does one every 6 months to keep track of progress — for a negative test or one that would show cancer. The nurse said “Yeah, he’s gonna want to see you before he goes on vacation.” She also faxed a request for an HCG (blood test) to the hospital and said I should go that day and by the end of the day (Friday) or Monday, she would let me know how it turned out.
If the result was 1600 or more, she would need me to get a transvaginal ultrasound. Friday evening, I got the call: my HCG was 2500. Yay? This is Sunday (just 2 days after the blood pregnancy test was positive, and 6 days after I took a home pregnancy test that was positive). I am waiting for a call tomorrow to see when I will have to do the transvaginal ultrasound, and then see the doctor in person.
OK, that is the pregnancy status. Here is the gossip-type stuff: The father is married, but not to me. I hear you calling me a fool, but fools can fall in love, can’t they? Let me update you on this gossip so if you decide to read further, you will know what I am talking about. I met this guy, let’s call him John, in two years in August. Without giving too many details (because his wife and her family are crazy — honestly), we only met when I asked him a question at a “county social event”. One year later, I happened to run into him right up town at a town “social event” (can you say “free root beer floats at a local drive-up, fast-food restaurant?). I did not know then that he had been looking for me ever since that day a year before. We did not talk much, but he invited me to take part with him in the county social event again that year (August last year). We ended up going to the next county’s event before our own county’s and hit it off. He tells me now how that was the moment he fell in love with me. It was that night, after the event, that I asked if he was married. He was! I so tried to not get close to him (you know how it goes…), but things progressed and by one week later, we were a couple, so-to-speak.
I do not believe in adultery or fornication, and I have hated myself for doing it, but until you are in the situation yourself, you can not judge. I had even told myself long ago that I would not have sex again until I was married. Unfortunately, I am made of flesh and got weak — in spirit, heart, and body.
Back to John, real quick… He has 3 children with his wife. He is in his very low 40’s, she is in her upper, mid-thirties. One child just turned 15, one will be 5 this month, and the other turned 3 a couple months ago. Oh, yes, the wife knows, as of September this year, that he and I have been together for over a year. She did not kick him out until October, but he has been “living” with me since then. I say “living” because he was not supposed to totally move in, but get a place with a friend of his as soon as he could. He still has not been able to take possession of all his things. He has not gotten a lawyer yet because he/we can not come up with a $1000 retainer. His wife surely can not, and I do not think a lawyer will take up her case with the hopes of being paid by John at the end of the trial either. See? I told you it was complicated!
After we had been together 6 months — February (way too soon, I know), I stopped using birth control, but it was not until July that we decided to actually try to have a have a baby. When I was not pregnant by October, I asked my regular doctor what the problem could be. I was told that usually patients are asked to wait for one year of trying to conceive before taking any action for infertility or other causes. Because he had his last child just 3 years ago, naturally I thought there was something with me – my age, most likely, although I have not been through menopause yet. My periods have gone from 7 days to 3 days in just a year’s time.
So, as I began, I did become pregnant in November. You can imagine the thoughts I now have. As I said earlier, my first/only child just turned 17, so one of my thoughts is “I’m almost done with this one and could have had my freedom. Now I’m going to have to do it all over again, and I’m not getting younger.” Or this thought “What the heck am I doing? He’s married!” As if that is not enough on its own. Maybe “major depression disorder” is not my only problem. (lol)
Speaking of MDD… I stopped taking my antidepressants and all other medications on Sunday. I had spoken to my “psychiatrist/counselor” about what would happen, medication-wise, if I got pregnant. He told me that I would have to stop the antidepressants because they are known to cause birth defects – mental and physical, even as early in development when the neural tube is forming (where the spinal cord and nerves are formed and housed during the first weeks when the baby is still just an embryo). I also quit the thyroid medicine (for hypothyroidism) and blood pressure medicine I was taking to delay/stall/stop kidney failure. I had protein show in my urine years ago and began the blood pressure medicine for it.
I think that brings you up-to-date. I will add more later if I think it is pertinent. I really do not know why I started this blog. Maybe it was to give me an outlet (for times like now when I am going through mild withdrawal from the antidepressants, and am tearing off John’s head a lot more than I Ever have), or to give the baby something to look back on if he/she wants to, but maybe, most of all, it will be to give God glory for the great things he will do for me with regard to this pregnancy. With so many things going against me, let alone health-wise only, His mercy can do amazing things. I thought my first pregnancy/child was going to be a curse, but he changed it to be a great, life-changing, life-improving blessing. I have already prayed that He would have this same mercy on me this time. If you believe, I ask that you pray for me also.
Besides those who absolutely Have to know (Dr, psychiatrist, dentist [for x-ray reasons], and OB), the only person I have been able to share the news with is my 17-year-old. Because we live in a small town, telling the wrong person would have the news all over town in a matter of one to two hours – seriously. John told his mom yesterday, but has not totally told me how she feels about it yet. I will not tell my mother until my health holds up. Being a mom, she has already expressed how she thinks my health will fail if I got pregnant. Yes, pregnancy is hard on a “regular” person’s body, and it could be worse for mine, considering the things I spoke of earlier. I will wait to tell her until either I have to (showing beyond sensibly hiding it) or my health is evidence that she can not say I am going to fall apart. I do not want her to worry needlessly either. I guess we will have to see about that, but like I said, I have prayed for the baby/babies and myself and have faith that God will take care of me/us and all will be well, for His glory.
Maybe you noticed how I said “baby/babies” in that last paragraph. Yes, there have been twins in my family and because my HCG was a little higher than we expected, multiples have not been ruled out by John or myself. We have joked about this quite a bit, but that is another thing we will have to see about. (God, please have mercy on me. Your mercy endureth forever.)
Till next time…
