Dear Becky — Hi. I just want to say that you have such a wonderful site! It has certainly changed my view of pregnancy. By reading and crying through these wonderful, yet sometimes horrifying and scary, real life stories, I’ve decided to try and keep my baby. I am just like all the girls here – not married, pregnant, scared. However, I am older than most. I am 23 and have a college degree. I am currently working on my Master’s degree
Dear Becky — Hi. I just want to say that you have such a wonderful site! It has certainly changed my view of pregnancy. By reading and crying through these wonderful, yet sometimes horrifying and scary, real life stories, I’ve decided to try and keep my baby.
I am just like all the girls here – not married, pregnant, scared. However, I am older than most. I am 23 and have a college degree. I am currently working on my Master’s degree.
I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months. I’ve never been on birth control before,and have never had any problems without it, so I never thought I could get pregnant. I thought I was sneaky and smart enough and knew my own body well enough that I just wouldn’t. But of course, life is never like that. About a month ago, I just knew I was pregnant, which I always thought was impossible, since I’ve never been pregnant before and never knew how it felt, but I did know.
I took a home pregnancy test (2 actually, just to be sure) and when I was sure it was positive both times, I told my boyfriend, Brian. We didn’t know what to do. He just hugged me for a while and we decided to think about it.
I went to the doctor’s to confirm for sure. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. I went alone and proceded through the test. The nurse came to me and told me “You are”. I expected to cry or be very emotional but I wasn’t. I calmy said. “OK”,took my prenatal vitims the nurse had given me, and said thank you, and left.
I was scared to tell Brian I was most certinaly 100% pregnant. But I did and he asked me what I thought I wanted. I didn’t know at the time. I didn’t think I wanted kids, even when I became a successful career woman. I never have had a maternal instinct in my life, never felt overly connected with kids, never had a lot of contact with small children. They always seemed afraid of me.
So I surprised myself when I thought I wanted to keep this baby. I found myself magnetically drawn to babies I saw in stores. I would go to the baby section of clothing stores and pick out little cute darling outfits for my baby. I even talked to him (I decided it was a boy for some reason) when I was walking. I even named him my boyfriend’s middle name. But we hadn’t come up with a definite plan yet. We both kind of waited and hoped it would solve itself, I guess.
For the first 2 weeks, I was so ashamed and sick that I hid from people – didn’t go to class, didn’t go out with my friends, I was embarrassed, as if people would instantly know about my sex life and make assumptions. I am due in June, which means I’ll spend most of my pregnancy while I’m taking classes and am in school. I am afraid of what my peers would say or think and not to mention my strict Christian family. I would be the first one in my entire family to have a child out of wedlock.
So about a week ago, I scheduled an arbortion for last Tuesday. I set it up and told Brian. However, I still was not set in my decision. Brian told me it was my choice, although he said that neither of us could really handle a baby in this point in our lives. We both were just settling to new parts of our lives: him, a new job and myself, a new major for my Masters and trying to graduate on time.
But, by an act of God I believe, I had to work on Tuesday and couldn’t get out of it. I was recently hired and since I was the “new girl” I got the shifts no one else wanted or couldn’t work. So I ended up working all day Tuesday and couldn’t make the my abortion appointment.
I was also in a biking accident this weekend, resulting in a fall. I went to the doctor and had to get stitches, but said nothing about the baby because my family was there with me. I lied to the nurse when she asked me if I was pregnant. Then I realized that i might have lost the baby. I checked online and found out that falls hardly ever end in miscarriage especially as early as I am in my pregnancy. But the thought that I lost the baby, or could have, scared me and I cried uncontrollably last night with that fear. (I went to the doctor and everything is fine)
That is when I realized that I did want him. And after reading so many other stories from young women (a lot younger than me! I applaud you greatly!) and how they went through their pregnancy not really caring what others thought or said, and how much joy and love their children bring them, I know I really want my baby even if Brian doesn’t. I can have him on my own if I want to. Many other girls have done it, and that shows me that I can too.
Thanks again for a wonderful website and support!
Jamie | firstname.lastname@example.org
I am suppose to make an appointment today, but after reading all of these marvelous and heart wrenching stories on your website, I am seriously thinking of having my baby. I am going to tell Brian tonight and see what his reaction well be.
Dear Jamie — My heart is so full…full of joy because I know how much happiness and fulfillment your baby is going to bring to your life… but also full of compassion because I know exactly where you are, and it’s a difficult place to be. You must have so many thoughts and emotions swirling around in your head!
It sounds like things are becoming much clearer, though and that is awesome! That was so providential that you had to work on Tuesday. It gave you time to think about things more deeply. You have done a lot of soul searching. I did too. I knew I had some huge decisions to make, but I wasn’t going to be able make them all in a day. I spent hours thinking (and praying) about what I was going to do. I cried a lot. I didn’t really talk to too many people because I knew they wouldn’t understand.
Telling my parents was definitely the hardest part. I knew they were going to be so disappointed. I used to lie awake at night, playing out the scenario over and over again in my head of how I would tell them. Eventually I got up the nerve. They reacted as I thought they would. My dad yelled and called my boyfriend every name in the book. My mom held me and cried. I don’t know which reaction was worse. I felt awful. After a couple of days, things started to calm down. They got over the shock and ended up being really supportive. Once everything was out in the open, I started to calm down, too. I’m sure you’ll find this to be true with you, too.
Follow your heart and be strong. Stand up for yourself and for your baby! You can do this!!! You will be in my prayers in the days ahead.
Please feel free to write to me anytime. I would love to keep in touch and hear how you are doing!
Becky | email@example.com