As I have been on this for nearly a year now, I thought it was time I said everything and what haven’t. Most people know I had a miscarriage, but not all the details.

Basically, I was 14. Me and my boyfriend had been together for a little over a year and in April, I got pregnant. We were at a party and we both got very drunk and because we were so drunk, we didn’t use any protection although this wasn’t the first time we hadn’t used any, it just happened. A week passed and I thought nothing of it but when I realized I was late. I knew what it was. I went down and got a pregnancy test… and it said positive. I didn’t know what to think or say or do. I rang my boyfriend and he was happy, said that he would stick by me. Although I was the complete opposite. The truth was I didn’t want this baby, I thought to myself I’m 14, not 20… The problem wasn’t the money issue. It was the fact that my parents were so strict. They didn’t know I had a boyfriend, let alone pregnant. I wanted an abortion so badly, but I realized that wasn’t the best thing to do as my mum had always said that whatever happened that I should never have an abortion because it is killing someone. So I decided not to have an abortion and I went to have my 12-week scan and she said everything was fine even though I was really small for my age.

It was 2 weeks later I woke up one morning and I was I walking down the stairs. I had a pain shoot through me. I had never been in so much pain before. I got taken to the hospital and they said I had a miscarriage. I took it so badly, I wanted this baby. I wasn’t myself for days. Me and my boyfriend split up a while after that and he went off the rails; smoking, taking drugs… nearly killing himself. But still 6 months later, I still wanted a baby. So I told this boy who I had been friends with for ages that I wanted to have a baby… So we tried, but nothing came of it.

2 years later, I still get times where I miss my baby and everything we had, but at the end of the day, I was young. I now have a social life, although I haven’t had a boyfriend since then… I can’t go through the heartbreak again. But for now, I’m focused on getting all my grades at school and going onto University. I still wondered what would have happened if things had happened differently, but I will never know. Although as the years have gone past, I am now so much more happier and eventually my life is on the right track again. People may think I was wrong for what I did, but we are all different 🙂

Naomi x