Every year on this day, I take a moment and sadness sets in. I do love my life and think I have been blessed by GOD with a wonderful understanding husband and 3 amazing kids.

However, today is the day that my first daughter passed away. She would be 7 today, and things would be a lot different I think. She was a stillborn, and we had no idea until I went in for my ultrasound and found out she had passed away 3 days earlier.

I often wonder who she would look like and what she would be like. As a mother, I miss her every day.

I don’t think having kids and being there everyday makes you a mother. I think being pregnant, for however short or long a time, makes you a mother and that instinct just kicks in as to always do what’s best for your baby no matter what the choice a woman makes is. She always does what’s best for her baby, and I think  what could have been done to prevent this from happening?

Even though the doctors say it just happens sometimes with no warning, it still upsets me and makes me think I failed as her mother. I know that if she were here with us today, I would not have my little boy and girl or this new little bun in the oven, and Lord knows I love them with all my heart, I still think about how things would be with her. I know how hard it is for all these young women to deal with the pressure of being pregnant so young and having to make tough choices and it makes me so sad.

I just wish all these girls that have ever been done wrong or pressured into making a choice they didn’t want to could rise up and change what has happened to them as I wish I could change what happened to my baby. I have to think like most people do there’s a reason for all things, right or wrong. No matter how much sense they do or don’t make. I just wish I could change things. I will always remember Annette Mckenzie born May 21st, 2003. I loved her from the moment I knew she and I were sharing a body and I look forward to seeing her again one day.