Almost a week ago, I did the hardest thing possible. I terminated my pregnancy. I felt like I had no other choice. I did what I had to, but it still hurts.
It started when I met this guy at a local gas station. I had seen him there a few times and we flirted back and forth until he asked me for my number. We texted for a while, then we decided to hang out. I had recently lost the love of my life.
He got into some bad things and landed himself in jail. So I was a little vulnerable. He had also gotten out of a serious relationship with a girl whose son he called “his”.
Well, things got easy between us. We went out to movies, parties, and mud holes. We had a good time together. Then we were sitting in the back of his truck at the local mud hole, just watching the sates & we had sex for the first time, stupidly with no protection. We had done it a few more times before I found out I was pregnant. Before I found out, he told me he was going back to his ex & that we were basically over. I was pretty upset, but I thought it would get better. I was wrong.
Not even 2 weeks later, I realized I had missed a period. I decided to wait a few more days until I took a test. When I did take the test & I saw the pink lines, I just froze. I didn’t want to believe it. I was 1- & preggo by a guy who left me for someone else. What was I to do?
For a few days, I ignored it. I just pretended it wasn’t real & went on with life. Then I realized I had to tell someone, it was eating away at me. I was slowly breaking. So I texted the father and said, “We need to talk”. He didn’t reply for hours. Then he said what do you need to talk about. Then I told him I was pregnant and he was like “OK? And..” I said and you’re the ******* father! He was like well, I don’t know what to tell you, this is crazy. So I told him I didn’t know what I was going to do and I wanted him to have some kind of say. He said whatever I wanted to do. So I said, I would get back to him.
Well, my sister found out and told my mom. She was supportive & told me my options. I’ve always kinda been against abortion, but also pro-choice. I just never thought it was for me. Well, one night I was at work & I got a call from the father, but I rejected it and sent a text stating I was working and couldn’t answer. This was the reply “This is his baby mom & I wanna know if you’re really pregnant or not. Tell me what’s going on now.” I was shocked by this and I didn’t know what to say so I didn’t reply right away. When I got home I texted back saying “This is between me and him and if you want to know what’s going on, ask him”. She told me she didn’t give a s*** if I was, but I better give it up.
I cried and that’s when I knew I’d be alone in all this. So I talked with my mom, and I made the decision to have an abortion. At the time I thought it was right. The baby’s father would be in and out of its life, and would be taking care of a child that wasn’t his instead of his own. So I had to do it. I was young and felt alone. When I got the pills from the clinic, I waited 2 days to insert them. Almost right away, I felt pain. Maybe an hour later, I began to bleed. I felt something come out of me and I went to the bathroom and on the pad I was wearing I saw my baby. It was very small and barley had any blood on it. I freaked! I began to scream and cry for my mom. She told me everything was OK and that I would be fine. The father never called or texted to see if I was ok, knowing that I was having the abortion and when. All this happened just a week ago and I feel so much regret and guilt. That was my baby and I just killed it. I’m not sure how life would be if I decided to keep it, but I know I will never forget what I saw and what I’ve done. I will always think of my baby and wonder what if.
Thank you for listening to my story.
