I got a phone call today from my cousins mom, she wanted to ask me about my past…particularly the past that involved my uncle living with us. Her daughter has made allegations that he has done some innaprpriate things and she had heard that there was a suspicion that he had done similar things to me….I have a faint memory of sitting in the bathroom sink being given a bath by him, he and his friend were laughing and pointing at me and I felt so dirty and like something was not right…there were other things like noticing him watch me get dressed when I got a little older and I hated it when he tickled me, it just never felt comfortable….I have always had the thought and feeling in my subconscious that he had done something to me and I had always just know he had done it to my siblings too, I called my sister and asked her for the first time ever about what happened, we have NEVER talked about it but it was always an unspoken thing that we just knew….she confirmed it…he had done things to all of us..she had even told my parents when they were still together. She just remembered that my uncle no longer lived with us, yet years after my mom had left my uncle lived with us again and was our main live in baby sitter, how could my dad, knowing what he did to us let him move in, rent free and watch us alone…I am so numb and in shock right now, I have always felt and suspected the things that I now know happened but to know it and not just think it makes me sick…..if my parents had done the right thing my cousin wouldn't be going through what she is now, how many others are there? I forgive him for what he has done but it still breaks my heart that my childhood was so robbed and unprotected, I have been so self conscious of my body, I have always felt like I am not good enough, I have always felt like damaged goods, my husband has really helped me heal from other parts of my past that I was for sure about but now this, I am 27 and I now have to confront this issue in my mind and in my heart, it is raw and fresh like it all happened yesterday, that violating feeling, that abandoned and neglected feeling, that shattered, scared, lonely little girl who was not protected in her own home….I can hardly get a tear out but I feel so sad and alone…….