Hi, my name is John from Gauteng, South Africa. I got your email address on the standupgirl.com and I thought maybe you could be the right person to talk to.
My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now. Recently we just found out that she is 2 months pregnant which makes me very happy that I’m gonna be a father.
The problem is that we knew about pregnancy for a month now but she has not really accepted it and yesterday she told me that she is thinking of abortion. Ok I honestly don’t support the idea as I’m already in love with my unborn child. But I kind of feeling selfish as I have already graduated with my degree and am working while she is at her first year at the university .
She cries every day and I don’t know what to do. All I know is that if I can let her go for abortion I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for that. I want to be a father and I’m definitely prepared for that, financially and emotionally.
What can I do to help her accept and be happy with the situation? Please advise.
Dearest John – what a brave man you are! A Stand Up Guy I’d like to call you!
John – right now her hormones are going wild – so the tears may come easier. But may I say that your request to let your baby live is absolutely the bravest and it’s the most right thing you could do. It is NOT selfish at all!
Often times after abortion – the relationship between the mother and the father of that baby does not last. There is too much sorrow and pain associated with that memory and a part of you is missing that neither one of the two of you can fill or forget. The only one that
would be able to fill that void is that child that lost child.
John – you are taking a stand for your child. You are not ‘going to be’ a father. You ARE a father. That child inside of her womb at 8 weeks is a completely formed child and right now she is scared. She may think that her schooling and everything will have to be put on hold. Please share with her that that is not true. This child will give her a stronger drive to succeed. Not only will she have you to encourage her, but she will have that precious little baby that she will want to be a success for.
I’d like to show you an amazing photo. It’s one of my favorites. This baby is younger than your baby, but I would like you to see with your eyes how developed that sweet child is. This is NOT a graphic photo. I would never do that. Read what it says down the right side of the photo.
Isn’t that amazing? Your baby is further along than this sweet little life.
John – I would be honored to also talk to your girlfriend. If you want, I can share something with you that you can print and share it with her. Tell her how you love her and that you want to be a support to her. Tell her that you have found the best way to be a support, not only to her and your child, but also to the two of you, and that is to stand for life. Here’s what I’d like to say to your sweet and frightened girlfriend:
You see, you and I are on a road called life. When we both came to a fork in the road, one road was called “Abortion” and the other “Life”. I chose the road of abortion and you still stand at that fork in the road. I am able to come back to you from that road and say
“Please don’t take this road. Do you see that bend on the road ahead? There is nothing but sorrow, grief, pain, guilt and shame around that corner. There is a feeling of loss like no mothers heart can know and the reason that there is a bend in that road is because the ONLY way that you will ever understand it or know it is to walk it. Please …that road will be the very same for you, so please take the road of life. Tell me what it is like. I so wish I could go down that road instead. But I cannot. It’s too late for me and my babies. But it’s not for you and yours.”
OK – now that that is said, let me go down the road of your life a little bit. Trust me when I say that the choice of abortion is truly a tragic choice. Especially as you learn about the development of babies in the womb. You will NOT be able to get out of your head “What did my baby go through? What did my baby look like? What stage was my baby at when I aborted him/her?”
There are so many times when I just wish that I could hold my little baby in my arms. Just at least once. I wish that I could feel his breath in my hair or even to change my baby’s diaper and see my baby giggle. To see that little toothless smile and to touch my baby’s face. I will never be able to do that. I will never hear “Mommy”, I will never get to wake up in the middle of the night and go to look in at my beautiful little baby in his or her crib sleeping like an angel. I will never get to feel the movement of my baby in my womb – and ohh how I long to experience that.
Please know that no baby that I could even have today would replace the 2 beautiful babies that I aborted.
All of this to say – please understand that you have that motherly instinct strong and alive in you right now. Do NOT allow yourself to be deceived into believing that you can just go on with your life as normal after abortion. The world of abortion is a world of shame and it is NOT talked about very openly. Ohhh everyone says it should be legal and it’s OK – but how many girls do you hear talking – in passing saying “Oh yea, I had an abortion a couple of days ago. It
was a pretty simple procedure.” You might hear a girl talking about getting a piercing or a tattoo! But not an abortion. You know? Why? Because it is painful, private and subject of shame. Especially for those of us that have done it.
John – and girlfirnd – NO career is worth the life of your child. You are so lucky to have a man standing by your side, loving you this way. Please don’t’ allow abortion to destroy that or you.
I’m here any time. OK? Please let me know how you are.
Thanks for taking your time to respond to my email. I really appreciate it.
After going through your email I felt so much love for my unborn baby and my girlfriend. I read other related stories on standupgirl.com I spoke to my girlfriend about it and we both decided we are going to keep the baby and raised him/her with all the love she/he deserve. Your advice was so helpful and I really wish that your message can reach all parts of the world so that other frightened couples who are caught in the same situation can be aware and make right decision about their lives.
I’m ready to be a father. Believe me I am. Thank you very much