“Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.” Antoine de Saint-Exupery, “The Little Prince”, 1943 French writer (1900 – 1944)
It feels like just a few days ago I was fretting over how to tell everyone I was pregnant. When I first found out, I panicked. I mean, how could I not? I was 18, living in a strange city about 300 miles away from any family. It is weird because now I look back and I wonder, “What in the world?” I’m not a religious nut, but I do believe in God. I don’t know if I would have been able to get through everything if I didn’t.
It’s one of the hardest things, telling the people who you look up to you are pregnant. It is even harder to tell someone who you want to be proud of you. I never really understood why my sister tried to hide her first pregnancy from our mom; at least I didn’t till I became pregnant. Then everything changed. I felt like I had done something wrong; that I needed to hide. Looking back, I realize that I was scared. I could barely take care of myself, let alone a little one.
Now that little one is six almost seven months old and learning to crawl. She spends most of her time laughing and trying to get into things. I wouldn’t change it for the world.
When you are pregnant, things can seem out of your control. Even when you are not pregnant, they seem out of control. So take my advice, step back, take a deep breath, and imagine the smile on your future son or daughter’s face. Try to imagine a love so strong you wouldn’t believe it existed. Trust me. When and if you decide to have that little one, you will be taken aback by how strong it is.
Heyy everyone!
I need some advice. I’m 2 months pregnant today! And I told my mum and dad. They were the first people I told then I told my boyfriend and me and him are so happy about the news!
My mum and dad said they were too & they acted happy about it too.
Maybe it was all too good to be true! Which it was.
I overheard my mum and dad talking in the living room saying that she should have an abortion again bcoz this is a massive mistake.
And I feel so lost again. I had a abortion 7 months and 3 weeks ago this Monday 23/3 bcoz they both made me! And now I feel they won’t me to go through all that all over again. Me and my boyfriend didn’t want to the first time and we deffo don’t want to do it again it was a massive mistk and I don’t know what to do. I want to keep my baby and I don’t want him/ or her to be taken off me. It would crush me
Any advice?
How do I stand up to them though?
And why can’t they just be happy with my choice?
HELP please, any advice?
Thank you!!! xxxx
January 3rd was the day I crashed.
It was the day of my abortion. Before that, when I was figuring out what I was going to do, I said I wanted to keep it but then everybody kept telling me to get an abortion, that I should get rid of it. I felt everybody looking at me with disgrace; my mom, my dad, my brothers. I know I am very young (14), but I think every girl has their choice. I went through with the abortion. After I walked out of the office, I cried so much. I came home with really bad cramps. When I walked out of the office, I just thought to myself what the hell did I just do? I lay in my bed crying, trying to go to sleep so I could sleep off the pain from the cramps and the pain of knowing what I did. I wish I never did that.
I wish I could go back in time and take back what I did. I was 9 weeks and 2 days. I think about it all the time, wondering if it was going to be a girl or a boy, what I would have named him or her, what he or she would look like, how their smile would be their laugh their cry, how they would look like sleeping. I think about it day and night even still now. I’m hurting so much. It’s like a part of myself died like there’s a part of myself missing but I can’t get it back. I have flashbacks of when I sat up and saw the blood on the table and as I walked out of the office, so many tears fell down my face and breaks my heart in half.
To those girls who are figuring out what they’re going to do, think about how you’re going to feel after it works. I don’t know if this will change your mind but I’m just telling my story…
**I’m sorry that I never gave you a chance.
I’m sorry I did this to you.
I understand if you hate me.
But I just want you to know that I love you with all my heart and I am sorry.
There might be a possibility that I’m pregnant.
I don’t know what’s going on. I want a baby, to be honest.
Me and my boyfriend plan on getting married and having kids just not now. We have the 5-year plan.
I thought having this would help me like get my feelings out.
I want a baby though, but I’m still in school and I would miss his or her childhood 🙁
So we’ll see what happens.
I just thought that I would share my story in a blog and that it may help or influence some other teen mothers or teens trying to become a teen mother.
When I was fifteen years old, I was at home on my couch when my mother asked me if I had my period. Which made me start to think and then I realized that I hadn’t. My mom took me to the doctor for numerous reasons and came to find out I was pregnant. I didn’t know what to think or what to do. There was just an empty feeling in my stomach. My mother began to cry but for some reason, I couldn’t. All I could think about was that I was going to be a mother, and I was going to be responsible for someone else’s life. I followed up with the OBGYN and found out that I was almost three months pregnant. All of a sudden, I went from scared and disappointed to excited. I began to think on what I would name my child and if it was going to be a boy or a girl and how I was going to break it to my baby’s father. I hadn’t talked to my baby’s father since the night that I conceived my baby. Then come to find out he was in jail, so I had no way of contacting him what so ever.
Time came to pass and I met a wonderful guy and he knew I was pregnant and was going to step up to the plate and be there for me and my child. Things were going great, I went to the baby doctor and found out that my baby was a girl! I was kind of disappointed but I didn’t really care as long as I knew she was healthy. Then my beautiful baby girl was born! I had a rough labor and things didn’t go as planned but she was healthy and that was all that mattered to me. My boyfriend, the one I mentioned earlier, was there with me the whole time. He cried when she was born, and he treated her just like she was his. Then my baby’s father got out of jail and I let him know about the baby…
We tried to work things out and he said he wanted to be in her life. So I broke up with my boyfriend and let him step in. He came to see my baby girl when she was 4 months old, he hugged her, and kissed her, and loved on and it melted my heart. But, things didn’t work out between me and him about a week later so he decides to break up with me and deny our beautiful daughter. It was fine with me at the time because I missed my ex anyways, he treated me a lot better. But, at the same time I wanted what was best for my daughter and I thought she needed her father and I didn’t know what exactly was best for her at the time. But, I got back with my ex and he stood by my side for the longest time. Then me and him broke things off and it was just me and my baby girl out there to fend for ourselves!
And here we are today, I’m 17 years old with no job, still in school, no emotional or financial support from anyone.. and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. I love my daughter so much and I wouldn’t take her back for the world. She’s my strength and my rock. She is what keeps me going. But, at the same time, my life is in a rut. I’m not getting to do the things other teenagers my age are getting to do, and I’m not getting to live my life to the fullest. And I strongly encourage if you’re a teen TRYING to get pregnant, don’t. Wait until you’re ready.. so you can provide for your baby and you’re financially and emotional stable enough to take care of him or her. Do not bring a baby into this world not knowing how your going to afford it or take care of it.
If you guys need support or anything or have any questions, I’m here and I’d be glad to help!
I was a Junior in college when I found out I was pregnant — just over 20 years old, with my entire future ahead of me.
I had been seeing the father of my baby for almost 3 years. I was very deeply in love with him and at one time, I thought that we would spend the rest of our lives together. But our relationship had always been tumultuous. He was emotionally unstable and verbally and emotionally abusive. He cheated on me frequently and always picked fights with me, calling me horrible names and accusing me of awful things I never said or did. Later, he would drink himself sick and call me in the middle of the night to “take care of him.” Often times, when this happened. he would break down crying and tell me how much he loved me and how sorry he was for treating me so badly. I believed him…until I got pregnant.
I got pregnant right after Thanksgiving. At that time, the father of my baby had been “dating” another girl for about a month. I had been using NuvaRing birth control, but upon returning to school after Thanksgiving break, I forgot to pick up my prescription on time. The father of my baby didn’t like to use condoms, and we hadn’t used them for a long time. But I thought it would be okay to have sex with him anyway, since my period had just ended and I had only recently gotten off the birth control. I had always heard that it was rare to get pregnant under those circumstances.
The very next day after I had sex, I had a gut feeling that I was pregnant. I became paranoid and started obsessing over it, especially when I didn’t get my period 2 weeks later. The father of my baby was going through one of his mood swings, giving me the cold shoulder. To get his attention, I told him that I thought I was pregnant. He was furious. He immediately blamed me for everything, saying that it was all my fault because I wasn’t on birth control like I was “supposed to be.” I responded by saying that I didn’t see him reaching for a condom. He accused me of getting pregnant on purpose to try to rope him into marrying me, saying that I was jealous of his other girlfriend and I didn’t want him to “move on” from our relationship. Despite all of his harsh words, he was inviting me to have sex with him and telling me he loved me again just a few days later.
At that time, I was on speaking terms with his other girlfriend. We had met previously at a party when they were “just friends.” I told her that I was pregnant, and if I was I knew it was his. She confronted him about it and he denied even having sex with me. She believed him.
I went home for winter break in early December. I made a comment to my mom, hinting that I might be pregnant. My aunt was visiting us at the time for Christmas. She bought me two pregnancy tests. They both had positive results, but I didn’t believe the tests because the line was faint. We went to buy another pregnancy test to make sure, and my dad spotted us in the HPT aisle. He asked me if I was pregnant. I said I thought so. I took the other test and it too resulted in a positive. My mom was in the room with me when I found out. She held me while we both cried.
I immediately went to tell the father of my baby that I was pregnant. He was outraged and demanded that I get an abortion. My family is 100% against abortion, and so am I, so abortion was never an option for me. He told me that he would leave me and never speak to me again if I didn’t get an abortion. He said that if I aborted our baby, he would break up with his other girlfriend and devote himself to me. I knew that he was lying either way. I told him that there was no way I was getting an abortion, whether he liked it or not. He then asked me to look into adoption, but I didn’t feel right about that either. I thought it was wrong to burden someone else with my own responsibility. I also felt like my baby was MINE, and I didn’t want to let someone else raise my baby.
I begged the father of my baby to tell his other girlfriend and his parents that I was pregnant. I at least hoped that his parents would be somewhat supportive. His mother got pregnant with him when she was only 15 years old, so he is a product of a crisis pregnancy himself. He finally admitted to his other girlfriend that I was pregnant, and after telling her that it wasn’t his baby, he went back and said that it was his baby but that I got pregnant before he and his other girlfriend started dating.
He only went to the doctor with me twice — for my first ultrasound at 12 weeks, and once when I literally had to drag him out of his dorm room to go with me. He would see me in the school cafeteria and ignore me because he would be hanging out with his ex-girlfriend or his fraternity brothers. Every time I went to his room to talk to him or see him, his fraternity brothers would harass me, banging on his door to call me names and tell me to get out. He never did anything to stop them. When I was about 5 months pregnant, he got drunk and called my cell phone over 20 times. He left messages screaming at me and calling our baby “that thing growing in my stomach.” He wanted me to meet him somewhere to talk, but I was afraid that he would hurt me or my baby. He was walking all around campus trying to find me. My friends hid me in their room so he wouldn’t know where I was.
To make a long story short, his mother only found out I was pregnant after I called my mom in tears and asked her to call and tell his mother that he had gotten me pregnant. He had told his mother things about me that caused her not to like me anymore (she used to love me), so I was afraid that she would hang up on me if I tried to tell her myself. My mom reluctantly did as I asked. She said that his mother had no idea that he was even speaking to me anymore, let alone that I was pregnant. She was in shock. After that, I never heard from his mother again. My daughter is now 7 months old, and her paternal grandmother has not even seen her a single time.
My daughter was born on August 23 at 7:55am, a healthy 8lbs. 8oz. and 20 inches long. I was so ready for her to come, and I am so blessed to have her in my life!! She was born in the town where I went to college, so unfortunately, my family was unable to attend the birth, but my mom called just in time to hear her granddaughter’s first cries!! In lieu of my own mother, I had asked the wife of my favorite professor to be with me at the hospital. She and her husband have been like my second family. I lived at their house for 6 weeks before and after my daughter was born, and my professor privately tutored me for the fall semester so I could enjoy my daughter’s infancy without missing school.
The father of my baby never showed up at the hospital. He had a falling out with me about 2 weeks before I gave birth and didn’t talk to me again until my daughter was 1 month old. He saw her for the first time when she was 2 months old. She is now over 7 months old, and he has only seen her 4 more times. None of his relatives have ever seen her. They have never even called to check on her. He never really calls to check on her either.
But, thanks to the support of my first AND second families, my friends, and my college community, I will be graduating ON TIME with my class in May. I also completed my Senior Thesis (required for all Seniors) before its deadline, and it was 100 pages long. In addition, I recently presented a research paper at a conference for students within my major, and I will begin my first year of law school next fall.
I am a YOUNG, SINGLE, SUCCESSFUL mom, and you can be too!! An unexpected pregnancy does not have to be the end of your (or your baby’s) life. As long as you have a strong support system, you can do ANYTHING, even if it means raising a baby and going to school or work all on your own. Even if you feel all alone, you’re not. There are plenty of young women like me who have been in your shoes and have been successful parents, students, and careerists. You can do this, if you want to. Your child WILL change your life, but that doesn’t mean that he or she will change it for the worse. On the contrary, your child will change your life for the BETTER!! Girl, if you can do this, you can do ANYTHING!!
If you have any questions for me, want to know more about my story, or share your own story with me, please feel free to comment or send me a message or e-mail. I would love to hear from you and help in any way I can.
Thanks for reading my story!
