So I’m 19 and just found out that I’m almost 6 weeks pregnant. it wasn’t really a shock to me because I never used any kind of protection. I just didn’t think it would happen… I tried when I was with my boyfriend for about 5 months and never got pregnant. Then we broke up and then I’m pregnant. I don’t know, but I guess I was just meant to carry this baby. When I first thought I was pregnant, I got a clear blue test that tells you PREGNANT or NOT PREGNANT…

I went into my bathroom at 6:00 am and waited to see what came out… As I looked at the PG test, it said pregnant. My heart dropped I didn’t know if I should be happy or sad. I then called a few close friends and they supported me. I then called my ex-boyfriend (the father) and told him… He took it pretty well, but he doesn’t want to tell his parents because they are leaving for Russia in a few short weeks. He says he will tell them when they get back about 4 months from now… I told my parents and they accepted it. I’m on strict rules and feel like I’m 13 again lol, but I agreed with them… Well anyway, it’s really hard for me right now. I’m a recovering drug addict and a go-go dancer at clubs/raves.

I finally got an official contract for dancing and can no longer do it. I can’t drink anymore or do drugs. I’ve been trying to get off drugs for a while, but having to quit just like that so this baby stays healthy is killing me. It doesn’t help that my friends call me and want me to go out or brag about going out and having fun and partying.  I want what is best for this baby. I do not want to hurt it in any way… But what can I do? These cravings and the boredom are hard. And the fact that all my friends won’t talk to me anymore because I’m not out there doing the drugs and party lifestyle with them. I feel hurt and alone. I don’t know how to stay home and not party or do anything. I can’t even go to the clubs because my parents think my drink will get spiked or someone will hit my stomach or anything… Is a baby really worth giving up an “it’s all about me” attitude for “it’s all about the baby”? I like to think it is. I think that this is a gift from God and that I would make a great mother and stop doing drugs and maybe find the right path again and meet some new friends that don’t bring me down with them.

I can’t wait to see and hold my baby for the first time when she looks into my eyes and I look into her’s and we feel the bond and she knows that she is safe in my arms and that she will never have to worry about a thing because I will always be there… That will be a feeling better than any drug out there let alone anything out there… Best feeling to know that you’re going to be a mother, the best for the baby…

Thanks for reading and God Bless