Feb. 7th, I found out I was pregnant for the 4th time, just had a baby girl 8/11.

Another baby was impossible mentally and financially. Me and my boyfriend were living in his parent’s house. His mom was a crazy wench. She harassed me constantly. Well, I moved out the day I found out I was pregnant, but that was planned a week before. I moved in with a close friend. But it was only till I could get on my feet, how could that happen with another baby on the way? So a week later, I made the call that would change my life forever. Feb. 19th at about 9 am, my baby was taken from me. I was 6 weeks and 1 day along. I felt in my gut, in my heart, that it was the little boy I could never hold. I named him Zachary Ryan when I really started to grieve for that baby. I was so against abortion and then went and did it anyway. I regret that decision and will for the rest of my life. No one warned me about the mental issues that go along with abortion. I’m so depressed, I cry for my baby EVERYDAY! I developed bulimia. I’ve become very angry. And sex, yeah it doesn’t happen anymore. I got an IUD put in and won’t touch my boyfriend unless there’s protection. Still, there’s no desire. Took me 2 months after my abortion. So far it’s only been 3 times since Feb. I feel so alone, like the only woman who grieves for the baby that I chose to abort. I miss him every day. My due date is coming up next month. It’s going to be a sad day.

To Zachary, I am so so sorry for the decision I made out of fear. If I just sat down and had not listened to anyone, you would’ve been welcomed into our arms next month. Mommy and Daddy miss you so much and regret every day of our lives what we did! Nothing can take it back. I pray every day that you are happy and at peace!