Every night, I rub my belly and wish you were here with me.

Every time I see a pregnant person or a baby, it reminds me of you. Sometimes I wonder whether you would look like me or your daddy. You were with me for 9 weeks and you knew how much I loved you because I would tell you that every night before we went to bed. I miss eating seafood and peanut butter for you…drinking tang because mommy couldn’t even handle water! There’s not a moment that goes by that I don’t think of you. I know I would be the best mom in the world and you would be so loved. Tears are running down my eyes and I think about all the girls that have had their babies. They are so lucky.

I’m sorry I couldn’t do the same for you, my angel… Your daddy and your nasty granny didn’t think it was the right time… But don’t ever think you weren’t wanted because I wanted you more than the world itself… I wanted you the day I found out you had chosen me to be your mommy. I was scared but I was so happy… Time seemed to stop and all I could think of for those 9 weeks was you. I miss you so much. I wish you could be here with me then I wouldn’t feel so empty.

Daddy is ready to have a baby now so if you can, please come back to me. Please. I’m tired of taking birth control. I’m tired of the life I’m living. I’m ready for you. I’m taking real good care of myself. I’m preparing my body just for you or your little brother or sister. No more drugs, little alcohol… I’m ready. I’ll always think of you. I’ll always love you and hopefully one day you will come back to me. Or someday you will have a little sister or brother. Whatever happens, I’ll be ready and i will love my baby more than anything in the world.

“I love you forever, I love you for always, as long as I’m living, My baby you’ll be”