Why Iam “Lonely_girl”
 my story is almost the same as everyone else on here. I had an abortion when i was 15, and scared with no choice, i lived with my mother no father, my father left when i was 4, so i really had no where to go. my mother gave me the option of getting an […]

 my story is almost the same as everyone else on here. I had an abortion when i was 15, and scared with no choice, i lived with my mother no father, my father left when i was 4, so i really had no where to go. my mother gave me the option of getting an abortion or getting out her house, i knew in my heart i wanted my baby but at the same time i needed a place to stay. and my boyfriend was young too and was really no help he was as lost as me and his family act like their racist but u would think since me and him were together for almost a year u would think they wouldnt care after awhile (my boyfriend is white)and knowing how his family felt about us dating we couldnt tell him and i think he was afraid to tell his parents because if he told them they would make him leave me alone, i mean they didnt like me in the first place, and if they found out they would have a heart attack. they never said it to my face but i can tell they didnt like me because i was black and if they found out i was preg they would roll over and die but my family on the other hand was cool with us talking, and my family was open anyway my family is far from racist but his family was a different story so we never told his parents, and he was only 17 about to go to college and he had got into to Harvard, and was leaving after the summer so i didnt want him to not go to school, but at the same time i felt as though what about me i mean its both of our baby why should i have to be the only one taking control and he was just acting all scared but anyway long story short about him i broke up with him because i felt as thou he was so selfish to only think of himself and his life, and besides he said he loved me so much then why couldnt he tell his parents reguardless of what they would have said i thought we were in it together, but i guess not he didnt even come with me when i got the abortion, but to the story, i remember when i went to the abortion clinic they asked me so many questions about my last missed period and everything i dont really know because i havent came on my period in so long so i had to get a sonogram done before i could get the abortion because they had to tell how far along i was. and my mothers mind was already made up so i had to get the abortion no questions asked, so she made me come back the next day to get my sonogram. when i first heard my babies heart beat i couldnt believe it and just looking at that little person on the screen was crazy, i made that and its in me now i mean i knew i was preg but at that moment it was so real. I just didnt want to go thou with it I JUST COULDNT, my eyes got watery, my throat went dry and my heart stopped. I just started crying and crying i was crying so hard i couldnt even speak when the nurse asked me did i need some time alone, its like she could tell i was hurt so just looked at me and said u know u dont have to go thou with this if u dont want to its the law, then she said i cant tell u want to do but i think u should think about this iam going to give u some time alone so u can think and i willnt tell your mother, u can stay in here as long as u like just come to the first when u finish. i layed there i didnt want to get up, i could have stayed there my whole life but i couldnt even think about anything but what my mother said get an abortion or get out, then i thought about how my boyfriend's parents would think, i thought about him leaving me and going to school, i thought about everything negative then i could see my baby  it talked to me telling me not to kill it, all i could think about was negativity and then this child so innocent, positive and pure came and then i thought about reality how hard it would be to care for a child without no money no house no nothing i just couldnt do it, but apart of me wanted to but at the same time i was so confused i didnt know what to do i cried so hard that moment and i cry every day since even harder at times. i walked the hall of pain to the nurse i told her i was ready,so she looked at me and said "R U SURE????" i shoke my head yeah like an asshole i knew i wasnt but i acted like i was, i stood still grabbed my stomach my feet wouldnt move to even follow her down the hall, i was frozen then something just told me to move so i did if only i could have stayed in that room forever. i remember lyin on the table and so was talking to me i dont even remember about what but she was talking i just felt tears running down the sides of my face so fast and as fast as i wiped them they came back, she gave me this needle and next thing i knew i was in this room a empty room the first thing i done when i woke up was screamed "WHERE'S MY BABY" ??? i started to cry because i knew it was gone i felt empty like the room i felt alone i starting crying harder i couldnt breathe then this nurse came in and asked what was wrong i started screaming at her yelling, saying all types of stuff. then other nurses came in when they finally got my to be calm, i was having an panic attack i was tried of crying because i was dead, i wouldnt even blink the way home i said nothing i didnt talk for a week, before a left the clinic one of the nurses gave me one of my sonogram pics, i looked at that pic everyday i slept with it. that pic was my only hope i wanted to die i stop eating i wouldnt talk all i did was cry scream stare and sleep, finally after two weeks passed i just couldnt take it, i got up and walked out my room my mom asked me where was i going i said to take a bath, then she told me that my boyfriend was coming over i said whatever and walked away i havent forgaven them yet, i hated them so i ran so bath water, took 20 random pills i found in the bathroom cabinet, i layed in the tub clothes still on the same clothes i had on the day of the abortion,i had never even changed my clothes, i got in the tub with my baby's pic and my razor, i cut my wrist and layed there to die, my eyes got heavy and the water turned red, then next thing i knew i was under water, wishing i would die then i heard my boyfriends voice, i thought i was dreaming what is he doing here i broke up with him why is he here, he pulled me out the tub but i couldnt open my eyes all i heard him keep saying was im so sorry please dont die, i love u so much then i was out i thought i was died then i woke up in the hospital, he was by my side and my mother was there too, long story short they put me on depression pills and i was on them for almost two years i was on sleeping pills too, i cried so hard for two years everday, i was so unhappy, i still cry now but not like i use to i cry but not everyday, me and my boy friend r still together and he has been there for me a 100%, and he didnt go to college he stayed home and went to any other college his parents still hates me but whatever we love each other so much and over those two years of my depression our love grow stronger, and now we r trying to have another baby, i feel as thou im ready now, i was 15 when i had the abortion and was depressed for two years after(i was 16, and 17) that but now a year after my depression stage(im 18) i feel as thou im ready, im not on any more pills but dont get me wrong i still think about my baby but i just dont let it bring me down because since my abortion i died that day and i havent been happy since until now, and i believe another baby will make me even happier i will find that extra happiness i had lost that day i want to feel whole again completely………but any way thats my story whats yours????

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