I don’t even know where to begin…
I am 20 years old and will be 21 in Feb. I am already a mommy of a beautiful little girl who will be 2 in Feb… I just recently found out I am 5 weeks pregnant as of last Thursday. I’ve completely been against abortions since I could remember… but faced with the decision now, it’s complicated… I’ve only been with the father for about only 5 months, who is already a father and is completely against abortions… Which is why he doesn’t know about his own child yet=/… I feel guilty bc I don’t know what to do. I went to the doctors to see how far I was and they did an ultra-sound which made it even harder… There was only a little black dot and I just stared when he told me. It was like, I knew after 3 positive pregnancy tests but it made it so real when I actually saw it…
I didn’t even talk to my doctor about my unsureness because I was too ashamed for even feeling the way I do. He was so excited for me and said here’s a picture of your dot… I wanted to be excited and I wanted to run home like I did with my first pregnancy and show my family “My Dot”… But nobody knows except for my mom, who is torn for me… I am terrified though… My daughter’s father left when she was 12 weeks old and hasn’t done anything but hurt us the past 2 years. I’ve done everything, but make him be in her life… I’ve become very independent and wouldn’t change my past for ANYTHING because my daughter is my world. Without her, I wouldn’t be the same… She’s the reason I wake up every morning. I’m in love with being a mother…
And then, after almost 2 years of being single and in and out of guys who just weren’t right for my daughter and I, I met the guy I am with now, who seems so perfect for me… But it all just happened so fast… He’s WONDERFUL TO ME AND MY DAUGHTER and my family loves him, but I just think a 2nd child right now would just make things complicated. Which sounds so selfish, I know, but I still live at home with my mom, work at a restaurant as a hostess, and I make enough to get by, and just got everything together to go to college to be a RN… I am just completely torn. My mom is worried because she says I cant just block it out… I know I can’t and that’s what I’ve done as if I don’t have to face it…
Yesterday, I told my mom to make the appt. She said are you sure and I just felt like I had made up my mind to have an abortion… She called me today and said okay, I am going to call and I said no… She came home and said that I needed to stop denying I was pregnant… I knew I needed other opinions and I didn’t want it to be from anyone that I knew so I got on here… I know no one can make the decision for me or make my mind up… I just thought that maybe hearing other stories or opinions would help… I’m lost and hate feeling this way… I just want to do the right thing and I don’t know what the right thing is right now… I keep wondering how I’ll feel if I go through with it and after reading some of the stories, I don’t want to regret anything, but I don’t want to just get by. I want to better myself before bringing another child into this world, but at the same time I don’t want to take a life away =/ .
