Hi thank you for replying to me quickly and all the help you have given me.  I’ve sat down with my fiance and we talked about the baby, we’ve sorted things out and now he’s happy that he is going to be a dad again. He has been telling his mates at work the lot, my family are getting used to me having another one. The only one that has stuck by me through it was my mum —  she’s amazing.

I’m 19 and a mum of 2. About a month ago my fiance and I decided to try for another baby. Last week I found out that I am expecting and 5 weeks along.

But now, my fiance has changed his mind about having another baby since finding out that I’m expecting. His mum is not too happy about it and some of my family members are not happy as well.

I really don’t want to have an abortion but if I don’t have an abortion I’m afraid he will hate me and the baby.

Hi Sian,

My name is April and I help Becky answer emails for Stand Up Girl.

Wow, that is a really hard situation to be in.  I don’t blame you for feeling so mixed up and confused.  Anyone in your shoes would.  It really sucks that this is what you boyfriend and now that he has it, he no longer does.  The best think I can tell you is to listen to your heart.  You were very clear in your email that you do not want to have an abortion. I think that you need to listen to what you want.  It seems that if you got an abortion it would be to make others happy. 

What about yourself?  Think about going to the abortion clinic and actually getting an abortion.  Think about the way you would feel after you> are no longer pregnant.  Consider the life that would no longer be> inside of you.  Sure, you might still have your boyfriend, but you would be without your very own flesh and blood.  Abortion is a huge decision and it is a very permanent decision too.  You see, if you decided to parent the baby that is inside of you right now, you will have the joy of being a mum to him or her your whole life.  Being a mother is a permanent bond, but the bond you have with you boyfriend is not as permanent. 

What I’m trying to say is, if you have the abortion, your boyfriend might stay, but there is no guarantee for how long he will stay.  It may just be temporary.  But if you decide to parent your child you will get to hold him or her for the rest of your life, and he or she will not leave you.  Many new fathers get scared when they learn their girlfriend is pregnant and they freak out.  The thought of having a child can be overwhelming when you think about it all at once.  He may just be having a temporary freak out.  You may need to give him some time to sort this all though in his head.  You know, after a while he might warm up to the idea of having another child.  Can you imagine the day you give birth in the delivery room and you get to hold your baby for the first time.  How wonderful will that be?  It may just change his mind completely.  It sounds to me that you know what you want to do with your pregnancy and you know what is best. 

I would like to encourage you to Stand Up to the pressure you are facing to have an abortion.  Although, you do not have support now, if you stick to what you know> is right, the people who are telling you to have an abortion may come to realize that you were right all along.  It is ok, if people> are unhappy with you for a while, but what is most important is that you never make yourself unhappy.  I really think that you can do this.  If no one else believes in> you, I want you to know that I do.  I know you can be a mother.  Even if your fiancee does not stick around, you can be the best mother ever  to you little baby.  I believe in you and I believe you have the courage to be a wonderful mother.  Take a deep breath and relax. Don’t listen to all the negativity around you – just listen to you heart.  Remember, I am always here for you.  Write me back and tell me about everything that is going on.

Love, April

 
Hi thank you for replying to me quickly and all the help you have given me.  I’ve sat down with my fiance and we talked about the baby, we’ve sorted things out and now he’s happy that he is going to be a dad again.

He has been telling his mates at work the lot, my family are getting used to me having another one. The only one that has stuck by me through it was my mum —  she’s amazing.

Thanks for all of your help thanks for your support and in believing in me.

Oh what wonderful news!  I am so happy that you talked it over with your boyfriend, and I am so grateful that your mom has been such a support to you.  I am so excited and happy for you!

You are going to be such a wonderful mother.  You are already an amazing Stand Up Girl.  Thank you so much for writing me back and sharing.

Love, April