technically i am already late. today will be 5 days. but, thats if i had a regular 28 day schedule. i keep track of my periods on and have found that my schedule on average is 33 days. so, going by that, i am due tomorrow.

but, looking over the last few months & going by what my doctor has recently told me about how i dont ovulate every month, i am self-diagnosing (and going by the symptoms my doctor told me to watch for) on the months that i dont ovulate, my cycle is long- ranging from 35-45 days.

and on the months i do ovulate my schedule is "normal" ranging from 28-31 days.

so judging by symptoms & the fact that my breasts are so sore right now, i could barely deal with them during my work out this morning… i definitly ovulated this month.

and, judging by my ovulation calculator, we tried twice during the week that i was ovulating. one of which was on a day that i was very fertile (accourding to the chart) .

ive had other symptoms too, but im not even going to get into that because i always obsess about these things & it always turns out to be a false alarm.

but- going by a normal month for me at 31 days max, i am now one day late. i am going to wait until next saturday to take a test, (if i make it that long), which will be cycle day 40.

so, in one hand i have my fingers crossed & in the other i am terrified that my dream might actually be becoming reality. and doubting if that is what i really wanted. 

i know for sure afte this month, there will be no more trying. we will wait until after our wedding & when our bills are paid off. it is only fair to our unborn child. although we have a house, new cars, and both very stable incomes, i want more for our child then just that.