StandUpGirl man with hand on woman's shoulder

    Let’s just be honest, there is a lot of pressure to have sex on Valentine’s Day.  It is a holiday of love, but love can mean so many different things, and unfortunately, in some cases it takes on the singular meaning of sex.  Valentine’s Day celebrations do not have to include sex though; real love goes much deeper than the physical act of sex. 
    Very often the idea of love gets all tangled up in sex. 

It is not to say that sex can’t be a way of communicating love, but that is not always the case, especially if you’re not married to the person you’re having sex with.  Real love is so much more, so much greater than simply having sex.  Real love is multifaceted, and sex is only one small facet of real love.  Real love is a holistic way sharing in someone’s life.  It means that you share with them in all the not so pleasant parts of their habits, personality, or life circumstances. 
    Further, real love is sharing in someone’s life with them and seeing it through until the end.  This statement seems easy enough until you try it.  You must sacrifice your wants and needs for that of the other person.  Interestingly, a friend told me once that she remembered telling her husband that she loved him on their wedding day—and she really did love him, but ten years later she said that she had no idea what she was talking about when she said that to him all those years ago.  Letting go of yourself so that you can make the other happy is unspeakably difficult; however, from that sacrifice comes deep, true, and honest love, love that is built on selflessness and not on sex. 
    No matter what your boyfriend has done for you to make Valentine’s Day special, you don’t owe him sex.  Oftentimes boyfriends will plan something wonderful to surprise you, and that is great!  But no matter how much work or money or time he has put into it, you don’t owe him sex for it.  Sex should not be looked at as a form of payment or a way to say thank you.  And most importantly, he should not expect that you have sex with him because he has treated you kindly on Valentine’s Day.  If he has done a wonderful job of making you feel like a princess on Valentine’s Day, that is great and you should feel proud that you have such a great man!  But you do not own him anything for being nice to you.  You deserve to be treated nicely and correctly all the time and you should never have to pay someone back for that.
    Finally, sex is not glue that keeps a relationship together.  I have heard so many women say that their boyfriend will leave them if they do not have sex with him.  If your boyfriend is only seeing you because of sex, let him leave!  Someone who is only with you because of sex does not love you for who YOU are; he loves you for what you DO. You deserve to find someone who loves your spirit and your personality.  It is true that it is more difficult to find a boyfriend who loves you for you, but you deserve to be with someone who loves you well. 
    Even though Valentine’s Day has become a holiday about sex, it doesn’t have to be.  You are allowed to not have sex with your boyfriend, even if he is pressuring you.  It is difficult to suddenly tell him that you do not want to have sex when that is the pattern of your relationship, but you are allowed to tell him that you would like a new pattern.  You’re a Stand Up Girl and you owe it to yourself.