I am still confused on what to decide on myself. I am working in a place where it’s part of the Middle East, where pregnancy without marriage and abortion is really not allowed and against the law. I am a mother of one child with my husband back in my hometown and they don’t know what I’ve been through until now, not anyone of my family or close friends. I never know if I will get pregnant. I had a boyfriend and I was accidentally pregnant. I never knew that I would have this because I kept telling myself that I would never have a baby anymore because I’m so scared of giving birth. It’s because of my experience during my first baby.

I work in a British Islamic school, I am nursery school teacher. The school sponsored me for my work. I came to this place in a single status even though I married already in my hometown. It’s because I didn’t change my passport status.

My boyfriend is married also. But he still supports me with financial needs and comfort. I love him so much but its hard to open up, on this side of place because they have their own law and its a Islamic country. I am afraid if I will lose my job and if the police will know that I am pregnant, they will put me into jail for sure. I am thinking of abortion it for its still 2 months. I take the pills which we buy it for secret way. I have bleeding for one day only. I thought that I’d lost the baby. I feel better on that time. But when I am waiting for my period for the next month, nothing comes out on me. I felt that there are some changes in me. I know I had a pregnancy symptoms, but I just take it for granted. Until I never had my period, I made a test again in my friends house, it was positive. Then I made a test again together with my boyfriend, then he found out that I am pregnant.

Until now, I have the baby in my tummy. We planned to remove it. But it was already 5 months old. I keep on thinking what will I do with this problem, I don’t have somebody to talk to regarding this situation because its so complicated and i am afraid because this country is not an open country. I am afraid if I will be put into jail and will lose my job. I am just the only breadwinner on my family. I love my husband and my child, but I’m still confused if i will have to deliver my baby for sure in my own country. My school never know yet my situation.

Now the baby is moving in my tummy without any medical check-ups and etc… I don’t know what will I do. I keep thinking to myself I had to deliver it but where will I gave birth and who will take good care of it after? I cannot bring him if I will get my labor in my country, its really not allowed. Please help me. I need somebody who can comfort me and can ease my thoughts with the right decisions I will make. Thank you so much.