I'm sitting here watching spongebob squarepants, waiting for dbf to wake up, he's taking me to the gp this morning. I should probably see a gyn soon too, it's about time for a full check up… but all that aside, I have butterflies in my tummy again and my mind is racing. I might be pregnant, I don't know. I don't want to get my hopes up again.

I had a pregnancy scare in July, not that it was all that scary.. I was actually hoping that the tests would be positive. I was experiencing ALL the symptoms I'd experienced before and AF was a whole week late BUT the first hpt was a BFN I was heartbroken. AF stayed away for ANOTHER week and I thought that I'd tested too early BUT with my luck, this one was a BFN too. A few days later AF showed up. Again, completely devestated.

I HATE AF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, I'm just worried the same thing is going to happen again now. I've tried teling myself that being pregnant is NOT a possibility, but I can't help but hold out a little hope that I might be a mother again! Last night DBF also asked if I might be pregnant (i know he doesn't want a baby right now, even though we could easily afford it) I felt like smacking him. Because if no one verbalises what I'm thinking, it should be fine, or at least I'll cope better with another negative test, because I know a BFP is virtually impossible, even though on another level I'm hoping for it…. Does that even make any sense?

I can't handle another disappointment, it's such a big set back for me, personally. I try to get over it quickly, telling myself that when the time is right everything will happen the way it's supposed to but it's not that final.

 Anyhoo, I'm off to be disappointed AGAIN!!!!!!