Here I was, a 19-year-old with an amazing boyfriend that I have been with for over a year. We were both having a hard time paying bills and even eating sometimes. The only thing I could save money for was birth control. I have been on birth control for 6 years!!!! And in August, I find out I’m pregnant.

We decided we could not afford a baby. That there would be no way we could afford diapers, an apartment, food for us, and everything else. We decided we needed to get an abortion. I was so scared, mainly cause I wasn’t sure I could do it. But I decided it was best for all of us. So I did it. And I never looked back. Some people say it changes your life. But for me, I never really thought about it. I never cried I never wondered if I had done the right thing. I was just glad it was over. It was like it never happened. Now in November, I find out I’m pregnant AGAIN!!!!!! I used birth control and condoms. How does that happen? It means I got pregnant the first week I had sex again! How does that work? I guess abstinence really is the only way. But this time I cried and I’M freaking out and I don’t think I can do that again. But I’m not any better off. I’m more financially in the hole from paying for the first abortion. I don’t know what to do.

Part of me thinks I’m just meant to have a child now. But I don’t think I will be a good mother now. I have not told my boyfriend this time because the first one took a lot out of him. More than it did me. And Im afraid he cant handle it. He was so wonderful the first time, I feel bad. So here I am debating if I can even afford to have another abortion?!?!?!?! Or if I even want one?!?!?!