Hi Becky. I’ve searched for advice from many sources and no one has answered back. I desperately need some help and I think that you’re the right person to talk to about it. I am 4 months pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been together a very long time. But, I’m finishing up high school, and he is moving an hour away for college. We want to travel. We want to experience life and THEN, when we are financially stable and ready, have children. I’m 16 and he is 17. I do online schooling and am graduating two years early, and he got his GED, and went straight to college. So as you can tell, we aren’t average teenagers.
He wants to put the baby up for adoption, because he says we aren’t ready to have a baby right now. And I am 50/50 about it. No, we aren’t ready, but when is anyone fully ready for ANYTHING? And I know it will be harder on us, but I think it’s worth it. But he thinks that having a baby at this point in our lives is just a hindrance on all our plans. Thing is, I am going to go to college for little to no cost, my mom is very supportive financially, and I personally think that once we see that little baby, we won’t want to give it up. But, I don’t want to discard everything he says, and go against his will and keep the baby anyways without talking to him about it. He said I am supporting what I think with only emotions, and his opinions are based on logic. But I cannot think of any reasons to give him to support that I think we should keep the baby. I need help thinking logically! Because maybe I can help open his mind to what I am feeling and thinking if only I can get my reasons together!
Thank you-
L
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Dear L,
Thanks for visiting StandUpGirl and writing in! You have a lot going on right now–a very important decision! It sounds like you have handled your pregnancy and relationship very maturely and with a lot of love so far.
You have a bright future ahead, whether you choose adoption or to raise your baby yourselves. I’m sure you can find a way to travel and live your dreams with your baby, although the timing might change a bit. Really, there is no “right” answer–you just have to figure out what is best for you and especially for the baby. My advice is to do a bunch of research. I would visit the adoption website LovesChoice.com and read about successful adoption stories. I would also contact an adoption agency and ask if you can speak with any mothers who chose and did not choose adoption (maybe changed their minds in the end). Then you can know whether other moms in your shoes have had the same doubts that you’re having, and how they felt about their final decision whether it was adoption or not. Also, have you started looking at adoption agencies? I believe that an adoption agency offers adoption counseling, and that might be really helpful to you. Also, once you start looking at adoptive parents and choose the parents you would want, maybe that will help you feel more peaceful about adoption, or maybe it will become clearer that you want to raise your baby yourself. Gathering information will help you become more “logical” in your decision-making. Of course, there is nothing wrong with listening to your heart (or being “emotional”). It is a mother’s gift to feel that strong bond with her child, and you don’t need to explain it or defend it. However, the more information you have, the more confident you can feel about your decision. Perhaps your boyfriend can walk through this research process with you, so he can hear other mothers and realize you aren’t the only one with those feelings.
I hope this helps. Please let me know how it goes.
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Hello 🙂 My boyfriend and I have been researching adoption more and more and it’s making me feel much better about that decision. Thank you so much for your advice, it really helps to hear someone’s opinions who is not directly involved. I am thinking that adoption is the right option for us at this moment, but I want to be sure before we make any solid decisions. Again, thank you so much.
