wow..

so i used to come to this site for years under the name of holy_foxtrot.

i have since made this new account, and im starting fresh.

i came onto this site because i was just googling teenage pregnancy out of curiosity. I was reading some of the stories on here and thinking to myself, i dont know how girls can go through with these abortions – it would be so painful, not just physically but mentally as well! I decided then and there if it ever happened to me i would keep my baby no matter what. No one could tell me to have an abortion. Ever.

Sooner or later – i got pregnant. I miscarried at 6 weeks and 6 days on the 28th of March 2006. Absolutely shattered and scared out of my wits, i had no one to turn to. I was alone. I was then diagnosed with endometriosis the following year which the doctors told me my chance of having kids was quite slim and if i did manage to get pregnant i would most likely miscarry.

I forgot about trying for a baby with my then boyfriend who was dishonest and untrustworthy. I broke it off and we went our seperate ways. I met a boy this time last year, a guy im still with now. I went on the pill, took it everyday at the same time without fail. Mid August this year, my body started feeling different and my boobs were hurting, i knew something was off. I was scared to take a test, because i knew in the back of my mind i was pregnant. My housemate bought me the test. Two pink lines, i was scared, happy i could get pregnant, excited, nervous and then suddenly very upset. Oh god. The pill failed! What would Dale think?!? Then all the other questions popped into my mind…i have been out clubbing, drinking and smoking at least two times a week…im anemic, i have low folate levels…i knew there was a big chance that something could be wrong with this baby.

I told Dale, and as much as i didnt want to say yes to the abortion. I did. I said yes. My head was screaming NO ANNA DONT! But i am so in love with Dale, i didnt want to jepordise our realtionship, i didnt want him to be forced to look after a child he didnt want. I was 18…he was 21, and yes we are considered adults, we werent ready. I regret this choice everyday, i constantly think about it, i dream about it, i cry all the time about it. I miss my unborn baby, who i will never get to meet. I came to this site and ultimatly failed being a true Stand up Girl. I helped girls on this site to choose keeping their baby, i have ‘watched’ girls go from nearly aborting their baby to having their baby and seeing/hearing the updates on whats going on in their lives now and how they are coping.

That could have been me, i could be pregnant still. Right now. I would have been 16 weeks, and due on the 23rd of April 2010. I am triggered everyday, constantly by even the littlest things. Small animals, children, movies, pregnant people. The list goes on.

I am waiting on the arrival of the ultrasound picture i requested from the clinic the other day. Its the only thing i have left of my unborn child.

I will never forget you little angel; 04/04/2009 – im sorry you had to grow wings.