Would love for one more

I am a 29 year old Mom of 4 boys. I had my first when I was 16 and he is almost 13 now. It was rough but I had a great family who was very supportive. The father and I stayed together long enough for me to live with him for a while get pregnant again get told to have a abortion from him or he’d cause me to loose it so I let him had my 2nd son met a GREAT guy and ended up with 2 more boys got my tubes tied (clamped) and still have a missing spot in my life for a baby girl. I would have a reverseal but there are no garrentees on a girl. IVF and adoption is too much $$ when you are trying to live (house, vehicles, food, insureance) plus I am a stay home mom (day care would kill us cost wise) I feel for all the young Mom’s and envy them too in a way. I know how hard it is sometimes to have to choose or to even think of what if I abort this baby., I couldn’t do it for sure after I dreamt that I had done it and years later had another baby and the one I aborted came to me saying why couldn’t you keep me?? So that made me know I wasn’t someone who could live with it. I feel for alot of these gals. And getting away from a bad relationship is HARD to do, you get worn down thinking you are nothing and you deserve what you get but you are something and you deserve so much better and there is so much more to life then living in a dark place. I was there and sadly enough there are things that can bring those feeling up again not being able to let go of the memories. I didn’t have it at bad as alot of other gals do but I know if I had stayed it would have gotten worse! I wish all the best and think things through…. don’t let others take that from you.