Why?

I had an abortion November 11th, 2005. For some reason the date is etched in my mind. I cant stop thinking about my decision. I new I was having unprotected sex and I new what could happen. But just like many woman I never thought it could/would happen to me. But to make a long story short. I’m having a very difficult time dealing with my decision. I cant even look at baby clothes or hold a baby without getting emotional. My boyfriend is constantly telling me we can have another. But the thing is I dont want another. I want what I cant have. The moment I found out I was pregnant, I began to cry because I new what I had to do. My bf isnt working and I go to work and to school just to make ends meat. So bringing a baby into the mix wouldnt be a wise decision. My question is, do you ever really get over this? I really want to stop crying almost every week, I get depressed all the time, I constantly get these sharp pains in my abdomen. My boyfriend is the greatest he’s allways there to hold me when I cry but its just not enough. My due date was June 20th, Im dreading that day. It should’ve been one of my happiest moment but in the end it’ll become the worst day of my life. I dont know if anyone can relate to what Im saying. Im not sure what the reason for this post is. I guess its just to vent. I also havent shared any of this with my bestfriend. I just dont want the pity you know. Ok well hopefully anyone who reads this has some input. If not thanks for listening/reading.