Why Not?

okay first off I’m not her “bf” I’m her Fiance. whether the insult was intentional or not it does stick out. exactly what benefit does our children gain from Megan and i being married?

The kind of legacy that goes against your parents?

i don’t understand why your apart of this community. obviously every teenage parent goes against there parents when they become pregnant intentionally or not. especially when your parent(s) demand that you get an abortion. But its also different if your considered an adult in a years time and not five years time. AND if you have plans on where your life is moving and if your already on the track.

When your baby is 16 and wants to get pregnant on purpose, whether they have your responsibility or not what will you do?

who’s to say that they will? they might be work driven like most people these days or gay. know one knows.

They WILL and I promise you use the whole, YOU DID IT why cant I?

anyone who uses such pitiful excuses is very immature and is solid proof that they aren’t worthy of being parents and that would be pointed out to the child and made clear that they have some growing up to do. if they decided to become pregnant regardless then they will be growing up really fast. But obviously it wont ever come to that due to how the child will be raised.

the choices you make right now in this moment will carry through your life..

iv heard this before. someone said that they wanted to travel but couldn’t because of having a baby, someone else said that they missed partying with all their friends while they were waking up every other hour to feed the baby. honestly i don’t care about any of that. i don’t want to travel anywhere and i don’t party. The only things i enjoy involve me not leaving my house. SO its pretty convenient for moi.

YOU may be perfectly capable of making these decisions and carrying the weight of the consequences, good and bad…you cannot speak for your bf or your future kids

i dont understand the kids part..are you saying having kids in general is bad? we as human beings never ask to be born. so we wouldn’t be even able to speak for our children to be and she is absolutely capable of making these decisions and speaking for me due to the fact of us constantly talking about our future and planning things out and agreeing on everything.

best interest of our family

and what family is there when all they want is for you to live their way, their lives?

can you acknowledge that waiting is BEST for all of you?

i personally cannot and i dont see why we should either. im aloud joining the military at the age of 16 im 17 and will be 18 in less than a months time. it sounds as if you don’t know this..but the military provides a wealthy pay check bi weekly, health benefits and housing. perfect living conditions for my children. never having to move from house to house. never having to go without food or hydro.

now your last line..

start practicing NOW by waiting.

meaning..wait now to have children to gain the patience you already have..so your calling us impatient because we want to start our family and move on with our lives like most kids want to do at this age..but wait..this isn’t what today’s day in age kids want?!??!?! what sin!!!!! today’s day in age is all about work until your 30’s so then you end up raising the 5 kids you want until your 50s! but then world war 3 happens and finishes and the baby boomers come back.

Sorry for the ranting, I just needed to let it out

venting is always good babe, you just gotta be careful as to where you vent it out.

Well, I understand what you’re saying here Meg, and I do appreciate your input. I wasn’t looking for ways to change my mind, just trying to understand why people view this as such a bad thing for us. So, thank you. 🙂

It isnt’ so much the fact that my parent’s don’t want us to get married. My family loves Kyle, and they treat him like he’s already part of the family. (with the exception of my father, but as far as I’m concerned, he is no longer a part of my life anyway). My mom just has a thing where she doens’t want to ‘bend the rules’ ie; sign for me to get married, get a tattoo etc under 18. And I understand that, but by having a family now, and then getting officially married in a year, it’s not really going against my family’s wishes.

Also, I do understand what you mean from a legal stand point. But I’d also like to say that my brother was born out of wedlock, and then 5 years down the road my parents were married and it was fine. He was always with both our parents, and they even tried for another baby before they were engaged. My dad didn’t even propose to my mom until after they got pregnant the second time around, and then ended up having a miscarriage. Kyle asked me to marry him before we ever got pregnant or decided to try again, and we have always been committed to each other.

I guess it’s just my personal opinion, because I’ve seen it happen within my family, but I don’t see how being married shortly after our baby is born will make very much of a difference. If we have concieved this past cycle, our baby will be four months old when we get officially married. They won’t really know the difference. We will both always be there, and be taking care of them, so htey will be perfectly happy whether we’re married or not for that short time. That’s the point I was trying to make yesterday, but I was completely emotionally drained and my mind wasn’t really lucid.

Also, this marriage point may end up being moot if I don’t get pregnant in the next few months, because I may turn 18 during my pregnancy and we’ll be able to go get the papers in order before I deliver.

This is kind of a side point, but as we live in Canada, the majority of our health care needs are paid for by the government. The insurance from the military if for, say if you was a private room in the hospital instead of being in a ward, or semi-private. The government health care only pays for the ward. Insurance will cover the semi-private of private room if you decide you want that. SO my basic needs would be covered in the event of something happening to Kyle before we are married. Although, seeing as Canada isn’t deploying anyone else into the actual war, it’s not very likely that he would be out in direct harms way. But I know, accidents happen everyday.

Basically what I’m trying to say is, I don’t think a couple months will make a hue difference in our child’s life, especially considering they will be an infant at the time. And also, you neverknow. My mom may change her mind when Kyle joins the forces, if I’m pregnant at the time.

Hey Lara,

I’m gunna preface this by saying I’m going to try and be as polite as I can, but constantly explaining this story grates on me, so if I seem rude, it’s not on purpose, I promise :).

When I moved in with Kyle in June, his mom had just given birth to her first daughter, and fourth child, Aubrey. She was in a custody battle for her other two boys, who are 7 and 9 right now. Her boyfriend is horrible abusive, and an alcoholic/drug addict. He had endangered the lives of Kyle, his mom and Aubrey while she was still in the womb by abusing Kyle’s mom, Kristi. This story is horrendously long, so I’ll try to cut it down as much as I can. This guy Kristi was with hated Kyle, and me and hated having her other two boys around. So they were keeping it a secret from everyone that I was moving in. For the first couple weeks, it was okay. But then Kristi said that I had to go home beause she didn’t want anyone finding out I was living with them, and Kyle said he wasn’t making me go home by myself (back then things with me and my family were really rocky, that’s why I moved out.) So he ended up coming with me, and we stayed for two weeks. While we were gone, Kristi was assaulted visciously by her boyfriend, and a woman he was friends with, in front of 1 month old Aubrey. Thankfully, Aubrey was not hurt, but Kristi had bruises covering both of her whole biceps. She claims he did it by accident. He was arrested, and given an order of no contact for Kristi and Aubrey. That’s when she asked us to come home. The night we got back, Kristi was out at a bar, and Aubrey was with her boyfriend’s sister, who brought her back the next afternoon. Kristi looked very run down, so when Aubrey came back I told Kristi that I would watch Aubrey for the night if she wanted to get some rest. She accepted, but instead of going to bed, she went out again. She was gone for three days. She came back for a day, then left on another stint for a couple days. This repeated for a while, then she finally came home and stayed. Then, things started to get messy. She was in contact with her boyfriend, and was trying to get him to come back (against his conditions of release, might I add). Her boys were there for a two week visit, and Kyle and I were there as well. So when he came back, she made us hide in Kyle’s room all day, and all night unless he was at work. We couldn’t go get a drink, or go to the bathroom, or anything. She snuck us in dinner, and we were able to get food while he was at work, but it was still a horrible way to live. There were also other incidents where she would kick us out and we would walk around the city all day, and when we came back she would have us sleep in the tiny laundry room of the apartment, just so her boyfriend would stay. One day, they got in a big fight, and he came home from work screaming and yelling, so one of her neighbors called the cops, who arrested him. From that point on, he lived in his office at work. When the boys went home, that’s when the real trouble started. We’re in August now, and Aubrey is about 6 weeks old. She left at night, took him dinner and stayed there all night, leaving me and Kyle to look after aubrey. She stopped paying rent and hydro at this point, as well s began to sparsley buy us groceries, and buy Aubrey formula. Anyway, she would come back the next afternoon, have a shower, then go back all day, come home to make dinner, then go back for the night. Repeat that for a month. Then we started school. Or we should have. We went for about 2 weeks, not consecutively, and then had to give up on going altogether because she would call us back to watch Aubrey for her around lunch time. So then, we would get up with Aubrey and look after her until aorund 10-11 when Kristi came home. She would kiss Aubrey hello, then have a shower, and sit in the bathroom smoking and texting her boyfriend until she could go back to be with him. So yeah, you get it. We looked after Aubrey’s every need. We bathed her, changed her, fed her, got up with her, etc. I would use my own money that my mom would send me for groceries to buy diapers, formula and wipes and anything else Aubrey needed. In September, I got pregnant, so I was going without enough food, so I lost weight as my body fed on itself to supply my baby with nutrients. Kyle and I lived in constant fear, because the landlord was always coming around looking for Kristi, because she was dodging him with the rent payments. A few times the power got cut off and Kyle’s poor grandmother, completely oblivious, paid for it to be turned back on. Also, she gave Kristi 1500 dollars to pay back the landlord. What did she do with it? Take Aubrey to Edmonton with her boyfriend. And when they came back, Aubrey stayed with us yet again, day and night. We also looked after her other sons when they visited on weekends. I cooked for them when we had food, packed their lunched and made sure they had all their school stuff. We helped them do their homework, and made sure they bathed, brushed their teeth and went to bed on time. This is how it went until December, when the landlord issued a notice of eviction (the final notice, there had been previous notices, and she did nothing about them and skipped the hearing). That’s the straw that broke the camel’s back. I called my brother, who told us to pack our stuff because he was coming to pick us up in a few days. Kristi was livid, and pretty much disowned Kyle. She treated him like a husband, not a son. At this point I was three months pregnant. When we got back, I finally got to see a doctor, and shortly after that we found out I had lost my baby amid that chaos.

So, yes. We do know everything that comes with raising a baby. We are both fully aware of the demands of a child, and a family. I am also aware that I will be doing it alone while he is away, and I did the majority of the work with Aubrey, so I am prepared for that as well. He hasn’t decided what position in the army he wants to take yet, so he may be home more than he is away. But either way, I know I will be doing stuff by myself for some part of the time.

Meg and I email back and forth, so she knows the ins and outs of Kyle and I’s lifestyle as I’ve explained it to her, but as you and I haven’t really talked, I’ll give you the run down. Kyle and I don’t party, and we spend most of our time in our pj’s. I do a lot of cleaning and all the cooking in our house, aswell. We don’t have any real travel aspirations, and ‘having fun’ to us, directly translates into ‘having a family’. As crappy as the siuation was, Kyle and I had fun taking on the responsibility of raising Aubrey for those months. We want the responsibility of having a family, and we want it now as opposed to later on.

I apologize for being vague in my first post about our history, that was my fault. But I hope now this gives you a better picture of who we are. I just turned 17, and I feel like I’m 30. I know how to keep a household running, and how to budget and balance a check book. This just feels right to us. :side:

First of all, I don’t appreciate your tone. There’s no call for being flat out rude to me jsut because you are older and are assuming things about me and my fiance Kyle.

We never once said the military will solve all our problems. Kyle’s father is an active member of the Forces, so we are well aware of what living the life brings. Not just what is advertised by the government. We wouldn’t be planning such things without having all the information. We’re not stupid, despite what you think.

As I said before, we are getting married next spring. We both are from split families, so we know how easy it is for a marriage to fail. We have been in the situation of raising a child before, as I have already stated, and we managed to make us time in that hell of a situation. We did just find and came out of it stronger than ever.

It is completely unnecessary to be so rude. Also, I’m tired of people acting like it’s just me in this. It’s a two-person decision. We haven’t just started dating. We HAVE thought it all through, and figured out what we will need to have & do to give our child everything he/she deserves. We will not be on government assistance, and we will be moving BEFORE the baby is even born. The reason we are trying now, is because we don’t know how long it will take to concieve, but we will have ample time even if we get pregnant now. My brother is getting married in October and we are all moving into seperate places. (Him, his fiance and his friend live in the upstairs of the house, My mom, Kyle and I live in the basement of the house, and we all contribute to rent).

No, I haven’t graduated, but I have already gotten information on an acelerated home-schooling program so I can graduate from home. I had a miscarriage three months ago, so yes I am well aware of the fact that things can go wrong in a pregnancy, and I am fully prepared to have to deal with something unexpected. As I’ve repeated over and over, we know what we are getting into.

I’d like to apologize for sounding like a b****, but as I said at the top, I do not at all appreciate the tone you used in responding to this thread. It is uncalled for, and insulting that you are talking to me as if I am thirteen, without a clue as to what I am doing.

AND this is what your SO said about the military: “but the military provides a wealthy pay check bi weekly, health benefits and housing. perfect living conditions for my children. never having to move from house to house. never having to go without food or hydro.”

OBVIOUSLY you have no idea what you are getting into. That statement is really ignorant and for the most part wrong.

Lara, I have no problem with advise. I have a problem with the rudeness. It’s as mucha s slapping me in the face when you come to a post and start bashing my decisions. If you want to give me your advice or your opinion, great; bring it on. But not if you’re going to be rude to me and treat me like a thirteen year old. I am a lot younger than you, yes. But that is no call for treating me with disrespect. (I’m not saying you did it, I’m just saying in general).

You may not be doing it intentionally, but I am feeling very judged by you, Maeghan. And I don’t appreciate not being able to feel safe with my own opinion and decision. I didn’t ask to be talked out of it, and I know it will not be easy. But I want the challenge and responsibility. And I don’t think you can judge what it will be like for me, Kyle and our children and call us selfish. I know, that’s how it was for you. But I find it unfair to me for you to make a snap judgement just like that based solely on what you, one person, went through. I understand where you’re coming from, though. I do. I just wish you would open up to really seeing my side. As for what Kyle said, I don’t see what part of that is wrong. That’s just some stuff that’s a given. Affordable on base housing, a 1500 bi-weekly paycheck, a great health and dental insurance plan and as a family, we won’t have to go through what he did as a kid; going with out food, without hydro, moving constantly because of eviction. Relocation moves may happen, but it won’t ever be because we couldn’t provide for our kids.

TaylaFaith, thank you for your input as well. I originally never wanted children, until I met and fell for Kyle. But we want a big family and we want to strt our family young. We don’t want to put it off and be older, like my parents when our kids are in highschool. My mom’s turning fifty this summer, and my grandma would have been 90 this year. I’m planning on breaking the cycle of older mothers in my family. I want to still have energy to run around with my kids. We want to have our kids close in age as well. We have gone over and over different options and have decided that this is what we want. We want to be parents, and we know we can do it and we can give our kids a great life. We will be able to support them and give them the stability they need, I know it and believe it. I know it doesn’t seem like a good idea, and maybe it looks like we are being selfish. I didn’t mena for this post to be a debate or for people to try and talk me out of it. I was just wondering why people might think it’s a bad idea GIVEN OUR SITUATION. sorry if that got misconstrude.