Why.Do.I.Feel.Bad

Since my abortion I have talked two friends, one of which did not like that I decided to go through with it and has told a lot of my other friends. Now my friends are thinking Im a really bad person who doesn’t deserve to have the kid I have now and should never be aloud to have another. They thik that because what I have done this Im going to be the worst person to raise my daughter (16 months old). Is that true, wil that make me a bad mom? I keep thinking about her finding out when shes older and hating me for taking away the chance for her to grow up with a brother or sister.

Im not sure what to think, to honest I never wanted any kids. By the time I found out I was pragnant with my little girl it was to late to anyhting about it. I want through sevier postnatle-depretion, and I was afraid of going through it again. I was not ready in any way to have another child, having so much truoble dealing with only get to see my daughter on weeks is super hard.

Please dont get me wrong I love my little angel to pieces and I know I would do anything for her. But I keep asking myself “why couldn’t I do it for this child, why did I give up so easly?” And now all my friends hate me. The worst one is my best friend of 10 years, that is more then half my life. I have gone through hell and back with this persona and shes gone. Do you think she’ll ever forgive me for what I have done. Like I don’t expect her to, because Im not even sure if I can forgive myself. My daughters father and I have broken up because of this. At first he was telling to do it and then when it was to late he tried to stop me. I miss him so much and I wish I could be with him for a little longer. He was my first and only.. and my true love. Is that going to be something I’ll be able to get over or am I going to drown myself in a broken heart for the rest of my life. See this is why I need my friends and now I have no one 🙁