why arnt i happy

hello im new here and just thought id get this out.
ive been with my bfriend for 3 1/2 years i already have a son who will be four next week. the guy im wif isnt his father. i have been on the depo for nearly four years and i had a m/c about 6 months ago , i stuck on the depo because the doctors said it eas best as i have pcos and other trouble and wasnt surposed to have kids in the first place. anyway problem is im preg again!!! this time about three months found out on monday. ive told a few people like my bfriend an mother who are so HAPPY it makes me sick. a couple of my friend now and they are happy for me too but im not happy im not excited i SCARED out of my tree – im worried what people will say my so called friend who doesnt know has been going round telling everyone she thinks im up the duff and that i did it on purpose to get my bfriend money and she says ive planned it all along im so mad at her when she is surposed to be my friend and my sons god mother i dont want to tell her i really am preg nor do i even want to talk to her thers so much thats gonna change. i have no baby gear left, ill lose my benfit cause bfriend will be here i feel like im loosing everything, i know i should worry what others think but i cant help it i live in a small town and hate the thought of being the lastest gossip. its just not normal is it?