What should I do?

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      I’m 24 and I’m 14wks pregnant. I have 2 children 4 and 7 from a previous marriage. I have been with my second husband for 3 yrs and we got married in April. We had discussed having a baby and began trying. I got pregnant and had a miscarrage in June, I immediately got pregnant again. Since I have gotten pregnant he has changed. He immediately told me that if I was going to emotional then he didn’t want this baby.WOW what a shock, the emotional rollercoaster had just began. He has since left me and said that he needed space and that he didn’t want to be married and wanted to do and go as he pleased. this was about 3wks ago. I wanted this baby but only with him. I was content with my two children and really didn’t want any more but he really wanted children of his own so I wanted to give him that. So when he left me I decided that I wanted to get an abortion. My family has tried to talk me out of it and I know that they would be supportive but I really don’t want to raise three children on my own. I quit my job when I got pregnant because my husband made plenty of money. Now here I am jobless, 2 children and one on the way. He will not leave our home and I can not continue to live with him so I have to up root my two children with no job. My exhusband has offered to let me stay with him but how ackward would that be and would send the wrong signal to my children. Me and my husband tried to get back together about a week ago and things were great for about a week as long as I bite my tongue and had no opinion on anything, that didn’t last very long. We have been in marriage counceling but its not really working. He doesn’t believe in compromise and thats what marriage is all about. So here I am, I have an apt. on Wednesday to get an abortion and I’m about 90 percent sure that its what i want. I just keep looking at my children and thinking what if I hadn’t gone through with them. But with them I have so much support. I was 16 when I got pregnant with my first son and never even thought about abortion. Now here I am 24 and thinking about it. I am so scared and could really use so advise.


        Oh Brandi, it does sound like you have a tough situation. I’m sure that things seem overwhelming much of the time. But abortion doesn’t bring hope or hapiness – it is in a mother’s heart to protect her children. This website is full of stories of women who live with deep pain as a result of their abortions. I know that three kids is a lot of work – but it is possible, and you are blessed with a supportive family. If parenting just doesn’t seem possible, you could consider adoption – it is not an easy choice, but it allows you to fulfill your mother’s heart and give your child life – and a family who will love and provide for him.



          I’m sorry you’re husband is acting so irresponsibly and treating you so badly. I hope you listen to your family and decide not to go through with an abortion. There are resources out there that can help you financially. Also it sounds like your family will be there with support. If you can’t handle raising another child, like Julie said adoption is a wonderful option. You could even chose to have an open adoption in which you could still have contact with your child. I’m not trying to lay on a guilt trip, but by 14 weeks your baby is already pretty developed. Before you go through with an abortion please read the stories of women on this site that are dealing with the pain of an abortion. Abortion may seem like an easy solution, but it is a lot more complicated than it seems on the surface. You do have support and you are not alone.



            I just wanted to let you know that I think you are doing the right thing no matter how hard it seems now. It wouldn’t be fair to bring another baby into the world under false pretenses. When you got pregnant things were different than they are now. I don’t agree with abortion when it’s used or misused as a form of irresponsible birth control butin your case there is not much of a choice. I think you have made a very responsible decision. Try not to be hard on yourself or look at your other children and feel guilty. You are doing what you believe is best, just trust in that and try to go on. Be strong and all the best to you.

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