TOO MANY PROBLEMS

I GOT PREGNANT IN THE NOVEMBER THE SAME MONTH THAT I HAD JUST TURNED 20. I FOUND OUT THE NEXT MONTH AND TOLD THE NEWS TO MY FRIENDS AND MY BOYFRIEND OF 5 YEARS. MY FRIEND TOLD ME WHATEVER I DECIDED IT WAS FINE WITH THEM THAT THEY WOULD LEAVE MY SIDE BUT MY BOYFRIEND DID NOT WANT THE BABY. HE TOLD ME VARIOUS THINGS LIKE NOT RIGHT NOW IM NOT READY AND WHEN I WANT TO HAVE A BABY I’LL LET YOU KNOW. THEN HE SAW THAT I WASN’T GOING TO HAVE AN ABORTION, I DIDN’T THINK THAT IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO SO I TOLD HIM THAT WASN’T REALLY SOMETHING I WANTED TO DO. HE WENT OFF AT ME AND TOLD ME THAT IF I WERE TO HAVE THE BABY THAT HE DIDN’T WANT IT AND COMPLETELY CHANGED THE WHOLE IF I WANT A BABY THING AND WENT OFF TELLING ME THAT HE DIDNT WANT TO HAVE KIDS WITH ME. AFTER ALL THIS THE ABORTION THING DID GO THROUGH MY HEAD BUT I DIDNT’T THINK IT WAS POSSIBLE FOR ME TO LIVE MY LIFE THINKING THAT I HURT SOMEONE INNOCENT JUST BECAUSE A LOSER DIDNT WANT TO MATURE AND CHANGE HIS LIFESTYLE SO I WENT OFF AND TOLD HIM THAT I WAS KEEPING THE BABY. HE DIDNT AGREE BUT I DIDNT CARE I TOLD HIM HE HAS HIS CHOICES AND HE’S THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN MAKE THEM I CANT MAKE THEM FOR HIM. MY NEXT STEP WAS TELLING MY GRANDPARENTS WHICH HAVE RAISED ME SINCE THE DAY I WAS BORN THIS WAS HARDER THEN TELLING HIM JUST BECAUSE TO THEM I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE LITTLE PRINCESS. I CRIED EVERY NIGHT THINKING HOW MUCH I WOULD HURT THEM AND IF THEY WOULD HATE ME FOR TAKING THIS MAJOR STEP IN MY LIFE. SO ONE DAY IT CAME OUT I TOLD MY GRANDFATHER FIRST THIS WAS THE ONE PERSON THAT WAS GOING TO BE THE HARDEST TO SAY IT TOO BUT I HAD TO DO IT I WAS ALREADY 3 MONTHS PREGNANT. I TOLD HIM AND HE WAS RAGING I LEFT MY HOUSE THAT MORNING WENT TO WORK AND DIDNT COME BACK TILL A WEEK AFTER. MY PARENTS WANTED ME TO ALSO GET AN ABORTION. THEY INSISTED AND TRIED ALL THEY COULD TO GET ME TO DO IT BUT I DIDNT THINK IT WAS RIGHT. THEY CALLED ME THAT WEEK AFTER TO COME BACK HOME AND TELL ME THAT THEY WERE SORRY AND THAT THEY WOULD SUPPORT ME WITH THIS DECISION I MADE AND BE THERE FOR ME THROUGH OUT THE WHOLE THING. THEY HAVE BEEN THERE FOR ME SINCE. I IGNORED MY BOYFRIEND AND LET HIM DO WHATEVER HE WANTED. HIS PARENTS FOUND OUT AROUND THE SAME TIME MY PARENTS DID TOO BUT THEY DIDNT TAKE IT AS BAD AFTER THEY FOUND OUT IS WHEN HE CAME TO ME AND TOLD ME HE RESPECTED MY DECISION BUT TILL THIS DAY HE STILL HAS NOT GROWN UP HE CLAIMS THAT HE WILL WHEN THE BABY IS BORN I TOLD HIM THATS NOT HOW IT GOES. I LOVE HIM HE WAS MY FIRST EVERYTHING BUT HE HAS HURT ME THROUGH OUT THESE 5 PAST YEARS. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT IN THE UPCOMING MONTHS BUT I TRY NOT TO GET UPSET BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO HARM MY UNBORN CHILD. I AM 5 MONTHS PREGNANT NOW WITH A BABY GIRL.=) I KNOW AS SOON AS SHE IS BORN ALL MY ATTENTION WILL BE ON HER ITS JUST WITH HIM ROUND AT TIMES I FEEL LONELY. BUT I TRY TO KEEP MY SELFESTEEM HIGH BECAUSE HE IS NO ISSUE RIGHT NOW MY BABY IS THE ONE I CARE FOR. I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT I CAN DO ABOUT HIM SHOULD I JUST LEAVE HIM AND HIS IMMATURE WAYS OR TRY TO TALK TO HIM TO SEE IF HE CARES OR IS JUST AROUND BECAUSE HE FEELS BAD FOR ME. I DONT KNOW WHERE IM STANDING ANYMORE EVERYDAY IS A MYSTERY WITH HIM AND I DONT WANT THIS ISSUE TO CONTINUE WHEN THE BABY IS BORN.