The other side of Pregnancy

While growing up I always saw on TV that pregnancy was an amazing experience. Always going naturally and smooth. Occationaly you would watch the horror stories of delivering a baby, well thats my story:

I was 19 years old when I met my daughter’s father, we had only known each other a few months from the computer (I was crazy, yes) I finally got to meet him and things hit off pretty well. I was in college and out of high school for only a year (graduated in 2002 at 17) Things were ok except the things I was going through at home with my mom and her new boyfriend. I found an escape, and that was her father. We were going well, until I found out his mother wanted to sell the house and Mike (my boyfriend) had to make a choice, move with her to South Carolina or stay here and find a place to live. Well determine not to lose the one guy I was actually into so much, I asked if he wouldn’t mind if I went with him. He agreed. My mom wasn’t too happy but knew I was older and had to experience things on my own. So, we moved. (Mike was 28, I was 19 and he had two kids from two previous relationships a daughter who was 9 at the time and he had custody of, and a son who was 8 whom lived with his mother)
So, we all packed and moved to this place thinking life was going to be different but better. We were SO WRONG! There was no where for us to sleep, him and I slept in cars, closets, barns, and a shed. (his mom and step father bought a golf course and was remodeling the place) It was horrorible. Time went on and we both weren’t happy, we were all fighting and just going at it everyday. Finally his mother and I get into a dispute and she kicks me out. I packed my things late at night, him and his daughter too, and we moved out of that hell hold! Get to florida and move with his family. Neither of us had a job or money. So, we were from house to house getting kicked out left and right because his family NEVER liked me.
This is where things get ever harder. I started becoming sick, throwing up, feeling horrible, spotting, pains, the works. Finally one of his aunts said take a pregnancy test, maybe your pregnant. I couldn’t believe her, I thought it wouldn’t happen to me. I WAS SO WRONG! Took the test next morning and that little pink line popped into the screen. I didn’t know what to do. I was happy but nervous. I knew we didn’t have the right life style for this baby. He too felt the same but I didn’t believe in abortion. I felt if I was grown enough to open my legs to someone then I was old enough to handle the outcomes. Time went on and the pregnancy was hard. Spotting all the time, pains and constant visits to the doctors. It got the point where I was put on serious bed rest. But his grandmother being old fashion thought it was reason so I could be lazy. So I never did what I was told and kept cleaning and baby sitting while helping her in the house. On top of the stress of his family getting on my case, his daughter was acting out. She was getting older but just making life so hard for not only us but herself as well.
Time went on and we were about to move BACK to south carolina our bus was leaving on a sunday. Fridays his aunts and grandmother would get together and have drinks and play card games and just enjoy each other.By that time I was 23weeks into the pregnancy, that saturday morning I woke with such pain, I couldn’t find a way to take it away. Layed down in different positions, squatted, rubbed my tummy I even took a hot shower and nothing. Everyone was still asleep (it was 6:30am) finally crying so much Mike woke up and said I can’t stand to see you like that anymore we are going to the hospital. So, hopped in the truck and got to the emergency room, the front desk called the woman and children ward and they came with a wheel chair and brought me in. I was in labor!
They did all they could to stop me from having this baby, drugs, layed me with my feet higher than my head to push the baby back, since my water didn’t break. But it was too late, I was 6 centimeters dialated and she was breeched, kicking the bag down. They were doing their best to warn her father and I about the chances of survival. But I didn’t listen, I wanted it to be a happy moment for once in my life! But finally my mom walked in and talked to us, and I finally broke down and so did her dad. We both knew the chances of her making it were slim to nothing. But I still had hope, I still felt like she wasn’t going anywhere. Then came the time, they broke my water and it was time for me to push. As you lay there in that bed watching over 10 doctors sitting around waiting for her to be born and you just with all hope in your heart it will be great things just happen so fast. I pushed a little and out she came, butt first! As soon as he got her out she was rushed to the bed warmer and resusitated. I watched over while waiting to hear a little cry, something…..NOTHING! They were going to wisk her away without letting me see her until the nurse told them give mom a second to see her. And all I saw was a small little body laying there, with eye open and one close (still sealed shut) on top of having her, my placenta didn’t want to come out. I finally saw my angel 4 am the next morning. She was born 1lb 4 oz and 11 inches long. no hair, no nails, and all purple and red. You could see right throught her, veins, and all. But to me she was beautiful. So many things went wrong, she had seizures, brain bleed, heart problems, breathing problems, almost lost her toes and intestines. For months I went through this rollercoaster of moments, happy and sad. She had heart surgery at a week old, and two eye lazor surgerys at 1 month old. I ended up living the Ronald McDonald house while Mike had to move back to south carolina to be with his oldest daughter because she was becoming suicidal. (She was 11-12 at the time)
I watched her stop breathing, and grow! But with all my chances against me and her, she made it! God wanted me to have her, and i know he did because there were so MANY things against the pregnancy (Had an STD and got treatment while pregnant, stress with family and life, spotting, pains) but she is here.
Doctors will tell you whatever they can to make you face the facts of life, and I understand that! BUT ONLY YOU KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR YOUR CHILD IN SOME CASES. I believed she was here and was going to stay and I never let them tell me to let her go. (which they did everyday) And now in 2008 she is 4years old and living proof that God does send miricale in small packages. And now I am pregnant again with my second baby and I’ve gotten to my 30th week. So God gave me the chance to experience it the way I should of the first time. Mike and I are still together and his daughter has not stopped her issues. We are still going through a lot with her being 14 and acting out because of her past, but with the good grace of God him and I are doing our best to stay strong for our family.

My words to you all who have children, aborted children, lost children or even raising those that don’t belong to you (as I am with my step daughter) ITS A TUFF ROAD, ITS GOING TO WEAR YOU DOWN, BUT WITH THE STRENGTH OF GOD AND FAITH IN YOURSELF AS WELL AS SUPPORT OF THOSE AROUND YOU, ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN. NEVER FEEL ALONE, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE OUT THERE SOMEWHERE FEELING THE SAME FEELINGS AND THOUGHT YOU ARE. DON’T TAKE LIFE FOR GRANTED ITS NEVER GARENTEED. LIVE FOR TODAY, PLAN FOR TOMORROW. BUT REMEMBER TOMORROW IS NEVER PROMISED, SO BE HAPPY FOR TODAY! GOD BLESS AND I’M HERE TO A SHOULDER TO CRY ON OR A FRIEND TO JUST LET THE STEAM OUT! TAKE CARE!
R.I.P- to all the babys in the NICU THAT i WATCHED PASS, AND EVEN MY NEPHEW WHO WAS TAKEN FROM US AT A MONTH AND A DAY OLD. WE LOVE YOU, WE MISS YOU, AND YOU ARE ALWAYS IN OUR HEARTS!
Justin Isaiah, Wendy, Fazon, Faith Grace, and all the others!:kiss: