summer2007

hey guys,
i’m new here.
alright well here’s my story:

summer of 2007;

i had been with this boy for almost three years. he was my world, he was my everything. we were both sixteen when i got pregnant. at first, before we knew for sure, he acted like he was so happy, so excited. but i could tell there was something wrong, i knew he was scared but there was something odd about his "happiness".
i told my parents at some point in october,
i didn’t care what anyone said, i was having this baby.
and my boyfriend was with me all the way, until i took the test and found out that i was for sure pregnant.
all of a sudden his happiness went away and he was mean and scary and terrified. i told him it was normal to be scared but we could get through this, just like he said we could weeks before. he wouldn’t have it though,
i begged, i screamed for him not to make me do what i knew he wanted me to do. i couldn’t do it, i had been against abortion since i knew what it was.
i told him if he loved me, if he cared about me at all, he would help me get through this, and we would have this baby together. but no, he told me, that if i didn’t have an abortion he would leave me and i’d be on my own raising his child. i was so scared, so confused, so alone.
i didn’t know what to do.
in late october i had the abortion.
it was the worst day of my life, and i will never forget it.
i remember each and every detail of that entire day.
i asked him if he would come with me, so i wasn’t alone when i had the abortion, but he didn’t feel like coming.
my mom brought me,
but i still felt more alone then i had ever felt in my life.

after the abortion, i came out of the room all groggy from the medication and in pain and depressed.
i reached out to my mom for a hug and she walked away.
my heart broke several times that day.
i was so alone.
i cried the whole way home and for quite a while after that.
he said he wouldn’t leave me if i did this for him,
but not too long after we called it quits.
we both knew it would happen,
and i hated him for what he made me do.
i know in the end it was my decision, but if i had had someone there with me, someone to help me, guide me, i would have had the baby, i would have raised it.

i’m with someone else now,
we’ve been together for a while.
i still think about my ex and what we could have had.
i named the baby,
that helped me a bit with mourning and depression and such.
anyways,
the person i’m with now is amazing,
and we think we’re pregnant.
i know he won’t do to me what my ex did, i know we’ll get through this, no matter what happens.
truthfully i wanted this, i wanted it more than anything.
after losing my baby the first time i felt so empty.
he wants it too though, which is great.
i know we’ll make it.

i’ve been thinking of new names and i keep thinking back to the name i used for my first baby.
i don’t think i can use it, well its not that i can’t,
but i think it would be too hard, that name was from a different (and difficult) time in my life.

well anyways,
thats my story.
thanks for listening.
oxox