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Anonymous
I had an abortyion on 1/23/06 ans it was the worst day of my life…..I am 22 y/o and just got enagaged to my fiance on New Years Eve….He already has two children…about 2 weeks later I found out I was a month and a half pregnant. He always wanted more kids but not until we were married……he beat me up so emotionally and made me doubt myself that I would be a good mother…….b4 this he was never abusive always sooo loving but when he took a loving approach to ask me not to keep the baby …i refused this was the only way he knew to get to me and unfortunately it worked. He took me to the clinic ….my mother knew but my whole family lived 8 hours away in another state . She didnt want me to go through with it and she even bought our baby a book in hopes that we would keep it. In the clinic I saw so many young girls most were aroung 13 or 14….I kept asking myself what i was doing. Being 22 on my own with a good job you should be more responsible. Once they called my name and took me to the room to change everything went so fast. THey didnt really give me a chance to think or change my mind. To them I was just another irresposible person getting rid of a problem…….To me I was a mother hurting so badly with no one to turn to. I asked the doctor b4 the procedure if I could see my childs on the sonogram thinking maybe that would give me the strength to get up and walk out of there….the doctor laughed in my face but let me see it anyway and I sarted crying my eyes out…b4 I could do anything though they stuck me in the arm with a needle and b4 I knew it I was waking up in pain……….eventually the physical pain went away and I am still with my fiance…..but we are still struggling with this…I know that he feels bad now for making me do that…..but I would rather be single and alone without him and still have my baby than to be with him and have the emptiness……I would be around 6 months now and when I see girls with their belllies it hurts me sooo bad. I want another chance soo bad I feel like I would do anythig to get my child back …..I even have dreams all the time about him ……I see him what he would look like ….playing and growing…..and being able to hold him and then I wake up and he is not there….just emptiness.
Hi ive just read your story and i feel sorry for you.
When i found out i was regnant at the age of 17 i was over the moon i was told i couldnt ever get pregnant and when ur told that at the age of 14 was the most horrible feelin ever, so when i got pregnant i was so excited i could wait to tell y b/f of 3 yrs i thought he would feel the same way as i was feeling but he didnt he said i was havin an abortion and that his mother would be paying for it. I didnt want to get rid of this little life growing inside me it might be the only chance i ever had of having my own baby… i decided to leave 1 day when he ad left 4 wrk to go stay with my mum but when i was just about to leave his mother came round and told me i wasnt going ne were. she didnt want to ruin her sons life and that she would pay to get rid of the problem i couldnt do ne thing i felt so help less she had me booked into the clinic for half2. As i sat in the car i thought how would i get outta dis.. i couldnt could i….. when we went in i sat on the chair just thinkin about my little baby den my name was called i went into the room and looked around i cant i said to the doctor i want my baby i dont want to kill it. he said that i ad to have it done. I told him that i was told i couldnt have kids and when i found out i was pregnant i was over the moon i told him about everything. he was really nice about it all i asked him if i could see my baby on the screen when i saw my baby it was the best feelin ever. i never went through with it but when i came back outta the room i told her i did i was cry with relief tht i still had my baby.. After that day i went bck to my mums house and now i have a healthy girl called Morgan and i love her soo much my ex wanted to see her but i wont let him y should i when it was him that wanted to kill her.
I hope you find the strength to come to terms with ot has happened you are not at all to blame here if only you could of stood up to him and told him it was your child and no one was going to take it. Im just so glad i had the currage to do wot i done.
Thanks for you kinds words…..Im glad you gave your child a chance to live…..i feel so selfish for not having that kinds of courage….congratulations to you and you healthy baby girl…..now i am focusing on my wedding to try to take my mind off of things…hopefully someday i can come to terms with it but I dont know if I will ever forgive myself 🙁
scorpi266
Dear Erica,
I know exactly how you feel. We almost have the same story. I was 23 in college and engaged to my fiancée when I found out that I was pregnant. It turned out that I had conceived on Christmas Eve ’04 and I found out that I was pregnant on January 13th ’05. I had torn my heart out over the situation. I wanted to keep the baby, but my sister and fiancée had a different argument. We were college students my fiancée and I were not financial stable enough to support ourselves let alone a child. They had won the argument and I proceeded to have an abortion on January 28th ’05. I remember being completely numb the whole time. I was numb on the 90 minute car ride to the clinic, I was numb sitting in the clinic, it was like I was watching a movie of myself and someone else was controlling my body. I completely broke down after the fact I was crying “ Dear God what have I done!” I spiraled down into a huge depression for a few months. I was hoping that I would get pregnant again to get a second chance to correct my mistake. I wanted the emptiness inside to go away, I wanted my baby back… Luckily my fiancée was there for me I told him everything I was feeling and going through, he admitted that he felt that we had made a mistake and wished that we would have kept the baby, but at this point it was too late what was done was done. I had done a lot of soul searching in those dark days and I felt I became a better person through this horrible experience, I am more responsible, understanding and more empathetic to others. I felt if I had not learned anything from this negative situation, if I didn’t became a better person for it then my baby would have died in vain. It has been awhile for me, but I do still struggle with it, I think about the child that could have been daily. Especially last Christmas when my fiancée’s sister in law had announced that she was pregnant with the first grandchild and it is due in August, when in actuality I was pregnant with the first grandchild which would have been born last September. That was a huge emotional battle, it still is, I really can’t look at her in her pregnant physique it is still way too painful. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. I am getting married to my fiancée in 34 days, we are getting our ducks in a row so we can hopefully start our family soon. I hoped you have gain knowledge in your experience also, for what would learn from life if life were always easy? Please take care and let me know how you are doing.
Love,
FalonI had an abortion exactly 1 year ago to this day. I regret it everyday and I’m still struggling with it. I’m getting married in May to the same guy that told me to have an abortion. I love him but I still have so much anger towards him. I just want you to know that I know how it feels. I know you’re hurting. I cry nearly every day and I know I will never get over it. We made our mistakes but I know this will make us all better mothers and more appreciative of our babies when we get pregnant again.
diamondgirl
Hi! I am 18 years old and I had an abortion at age 17. I regret what I have done. My boyfriend said that if I kept my baby he would leave me and he would not help me out. I hate what I have done but I cannot change the past. I have thought of getting pregnant again but i know I am not ready. I want a baby soo bad because I believe it will help me forget about what happened. When I see girls with their bellies it makes me soo upset too. Dont worry you are not alone. I am going through what you are going through.
I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how you feel. I wish I could find words to take your pain away. I can’t be like these other women and tell you that I can relate to you. All I can tell you is that I wish so badly for your pain to go away. That pain…
I just thought that I had lost my baby when I was pregnant with her, and I thought I was going to die…
What you feel…it’s…terrible…
I can honestly say that you shouldn’t be with a man who put you through that. It’s not fair what he did. Even if he feels sorry about it, he can’t give you back that precious little baby that was growing inside of you. I don’t know how he could do that when he has already gone through the blessing of life twice.
I do hope, however, that you have a wonderful life and end up having children with a good man. Of course, nothing can replace this one, but your future children deserve life as well.
I’m sure that your story will help many other young women who are struggling.
Thank you.
With Love,
Shayna
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