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ArizonaSunset
I’m 20 years old. My ex and father to be is 27. I am in school and will graduate from a 4 year university this December. My due date isn’t until February. When I told him I was pregnant he was calm and asked what now and said he’d never force me to do something I didn’t want to do. Within 24 hours all that changed. He’s freaking out, telling me he never loved me, says he hates me, says he will never be with me again, and is pressuring me into an abortion. It is overwhelming to say the least. We knew we had unprotected sex and we had both discussed we were against abortion. Somehow when reality hit he changed his mind, but I don’t think I have. I never thought i’d be pregnant at 20, but pregnant and ALONE?! He said if I keep it it will be a broken home and he wants 50/50 custody. I don’t know what decision to make or what is right and i’m so scared and alone. I have friends as support but i’m not close with my family and the father to be doesn’t care what I have to say and he blames me for all this and says I wanted it. PLEASE HELP I NEED ADVICE
Anonymous
Hi ArizonaSunset-
It sounds like you are in a really tough situation!! I am really sorry that the father of your baby is being such a deadbeat!! The reality is, you are this child’s mother and he has no parental rights unless you put him on the birth certificate as the father. When this happens, he will also be responsible for child support!
It doesn’t sound like he is really in love with the baby, just using the baby to control you. You are the one in control of your destiny! You decide what happens to your child and who is and is not a part of that child’s life. It doesn’t really sound like this guy is worth it! But your baby totally is!
There is no “fault’ here. You both made an adult decision to have sex, both of you, and you both have to understand the results of doing that. There is no blame and certainly don’t let anyone blame you! What is done is done…now it’s time to correct the mistakes of the past by making a bright future for you and your baby! You can do it without him!! You don’t need someone around who wants to control you and make you out to be in the wrong!
I hope you’ll keep us posted on what is happening! Take care!
🙂
Elisabeth22
Hey Miss ArizonaSunset!
There are not many things that could be more overwhelming than being faced with a pregnancy with a ‘father’ who has turned against you. Especially when you’re working so hard as a student. In times like these we are so desperate for stability – someone who will do and say what they mean and not change their mind b/c they’re scared or lack the courage it takes to be a responsible adult.
Unfortunately, fear causes many young men to try and solve the ‘problem’ in the ‘quickest and easiest’ way possible, and that ends up being abortion. But when it comes to abortion, what you could experience are things that no man ever could…that is why it seems like such a simple solution to them.
Sometimes babies come when we feel ready (which, honestly, even when you’re married and want a child, it’s hard to FEEL ready) and other times, they come when we least expect it.
I can’t begin to imagine how alone you feel – and the one person you desire the most support from has betrayed you. But as I imagine you have seen from this site, you are NOT alone. Physically there may not be a lot of people in your life that will offer the support you deserve and need, but knowing that so many other young girls can relate to exactly what you’re feeling right now can be life-saving.
And one last thing – it’s not uncommon for men like your ex to threaten you with custody issues and say you’re a bad person for bringing a child into a ‘broken home.’ But broken homes don’t mean they are homes without love. You came on this site, possibly b/c you’re heart wants to do what is right, even if you’re unsure of what that is. And there are SO many other girls on here that have been where you are.
You are important and you deserve support. The main thing I hope to get across is to challenge yourself to never make a choice based on fear. Too many people end up hurting the rest of their lives b/c of that.
There are organizations all over the country/world that can help you with this – even just to talk. You can possibly start with contacting http://optionline.org and enter your zip code and go from there. And if you want to talk about anything else, we’re always available on her as well.
Blessings to you. And know that often times, we don’t know our own strength until we have no other choice but to be the courageous women we are. 🙂
Elisabeth
funlovinmom11
I hope we get an update from you sometime – I’ve been praying for you and hoping that you are still preparing for a delivery in February! Keep up the hard work and get ready for the rewarding outcome ~
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