my story.

I am currently eighteen years old, and will be nineteen in a couple months. When I was fourteen years old, almost fifteen, I was with an older guy. He was three years older than I was and it was one of those senior boyfriend things where you think he’ll be the one you marry type of story. I wish I could take back being sexually active when I was so young. I was completely in denial that when I was feeling sick that it had nothing to do with the decisions I had made. I always thought we were careful, I mean I had never felt what it was like to be pregnant before, so how was I supposed to know what my body was doing? I was too intimidated and nervous to tell my mom about me already having sex because of the fact I knew she was going to flip and say I was too young, so how could I have even told her it was a concern of mine? I was only a sophomore in high school when I began to start feeling extremely sick all the time around Christmas. I had gone to the doctors twice before the final appointment that determined my fate, and the two appointments before that, neither indicated anything of me being pregnant or did the doctor have any concern about it. After about two months of throwing up everything I ate, sleeping every single day, and being an emotional wreck, my mom finally took me in to a near by walk in clinic where I was going to be tested for Mono. It was this day that I found out that I was about two months pregnant, a day that I will never forget for the rest of my life, no matter what. I will never forget when they tricked me and told me that they needed another urine sample because “the first one wasn’t testing correctly” only to pull me aside and tell me that they had ran a pregnancy test that came out positive. I broke out into tears instantly, sobbing and crying in disbelief that I could have been so stupid to have this happen to me. All that kept running through my head was that my mom was in the other room and that I had to walk in and tell her the news.. And also to have to tell my father after we had left. We had my current boyfriend and my dad meet us in an empty parking lot where the news was broken to the both of them and the most grown up and HARDEST decision of my life had to be made… Even though we all agreed that we did not think abortion is the greatest thing in the world (because some people can have like 3 abortions in their life and act like it’s nothing) we all agreed that it was something that had to be done.. Yes, it was my irresponsible mistake that I wish would have never happened, but I was fourteen years old. There would have been no way for me to have a child and ruin my education and possibly the rest of my life, especially when I knew that I would never be able to give the baby the best life it deserved. I will never forget the day I went to that dreadful place, being scared and nervous out of my mind. Especially seeing people walk in and out and acting like it was nothing at all that they were at this place. I remember the doctor seeing how deathly afraid I was and seeing how hurt I was that this was something I had to go through.. He was the nicest man and even allowed for my mother to be in the room with me for the procedure. Honestly, it was the most painful thing I have ever had to go through in my entire life, and the most embarrassing. There are only five people in my life that know about my situation. I am no longer with the boy that got me pregnant, but my current boyfriend knows about everything that I went through because even though we practice the safest sex, I was once late and it almost ruined our relationship and I had to tell him about my past experience. I thank god everyday of my life for having such understanding people be here for me and support me through every decision. My parents go on pretending like it never happened, and I wish I could do the same. I think about it every single day of my life. What he or she would be like, what would have happened to my life?, Would I still have the same friends I have today if they would have found out or if I would have had the baby? Would I be in the relationship I am in now? I know what I did was the right decision, but I will still forever fell guilty for taking away an innocent life thanks to my irresponsibility. Seeing all these TV shows about teen mothers and stuff like that, makes me wonder if I could have just done it. But I would never want to put my child through the struggles I had went through. This is my first time admitting to anyone in the world besides the people close to me, about the abortion. I would appreciate if there were no judgments thrown around or anything rude to be said. Like I said, the decision I made is something I will never be proud of.. But something that will never leave the back of my mind, ever.