MY Story

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      This angel touched your hearts
      For only just a while
      To teach you what it means to love
      And show you how to smile

      She could not stay for long
      For God soon would call her home
      But she left behind these memories
      To carry with you when you roam

      She taught you though her courage
      And the strength it took to live
      And to see her eyes and smile
      Oh, what you wouldn’t give

      Now your tears of sorrow fall
      But through each tear there is a light
      For this end is not goodbye
      Its only time till you’ll unite

      For one day the skies will open
      And God’s hands, they will unfold
      And your precious baby will await
      For your arms to hold

      So till then, hold on
      Keep her legend in your hearts
      And know the journey isn’t done
      It’s only just the start…

      I have known my boyfriend since beore I can remeber… we were the kids that are
      on the black and white cards in the grogery store. Adorable and fated to be with
      eachother. He moved away in fourth grade. He moved back to souther California
      our freshamn year of high school.. We started right where we left off, we were
      unseparable. He went to the brother school of the all girls Catholic school i
      went to. We became sexually active not to long afterward…My mother (a devout
      Catholic) would always inferr to be careful but never broached the subject of
      safe sex with me, because that was unholy and my body was a vessel for jesus.
      I truly didnt want to burn in hell for our sins (sex) or as the nuns said our
      fornication. We stopped having sex. After a football game a stumbling defenes
      man and a admiriing school girl created one of the most precius things known to
      man. We created our Angel, Kennah. I tried to convice myslef that I had missed my peirod becuase of stress
      from my overly competitive school, but one day it finally clicked. I did the first thing I can remeber against my
      parents wishes, I ditched school to go to planned parenthood. I was seven weeks
      pregnant. I didnt know what to do, I considered abortion for about five seconds
      I felt i had to protect our baby already! I went to tell my boyfriend. He told me everything would be alright. I told my parents within the
      next few days.I was to terrified to tell them so My boyfiend told them and i sat in the
      next room on the couch. You could have heard a pin drop, they told him to go
      home, but he refused. He was worried about me, and spent the night on the floor
      outside my bedroom (My parents wouldnt let him sleep with me) The next morning I
      dressed in the uniform and walked downstairs like every other morning. This
      morning was different. Two tall, bald men stood in the kitchen. My parents
      explained to me this wasnt tolerated in this house, and i had two options
      abortion or a unwed mothers boarding school. That morning I packed my bags for
      my correctional schooling. My parents told everyone I had gone to summer camp
      early. I didnt even get to say goodbye to my Boyfriend. When I got there I was
      rooming with a girl who had a eating disorder. My boyfriend had no idea where I
      had gone, he begged my parents to tell me. He eventually told them, if they
      didnt tell him where I was that he would tell teh church that I was pregnant. My parents never felt remorseful for sending me away.
      I was miserable with women who were very sick.. with eating disorders, unplanned
      pregnancies, drug addictions and such. My parents went as far as to pick out a
      couple who lived in New York to adopt my daughter. I flatly refused this, she
      was my daughter and there was no way in hell I was going to give her up. Come
      hell or shine she was my baby our baby. After recieving informtaion about where
      I was my boyfriend convinced my mother to come get me. My mother arrived when i
      was eight months pregnant. She said we would strike a deal. I could keep my
      daughter if i promised to go to college in two years and finish high school. I
      agreed. The moment I saw my boyfriend I felt every emotion over the last five
      months melt. He held me for a long time and jsut told me to cry. When I was
      seventeen I gave birth to my daughter Kennah Deirdre… The day our daughter was
      born was the best day. She comes with no sleep, fustration, and she tends to be very expensive, but it was worth
      it. No matter what our parents think. My daughter developed a pretty horrible
      cold in May, I gave her tylenonl and other remedies but she couldnt
      shake it. Her cough seemed to develop deeper and deeper and became more and more
      raspy. I began to worry. My boyfriend said that if she wasnt better by Sunday
      then we would take her to the doctor. She didnt make it.
      my daughter was diagnosed with pnenomia. She is on a ventilator and unconscious.
      She is lifeless, no sparkle in her eyes or rosiness in her cheeks. She can’t
      even cry she just moans. Last week Kennah was saying Mama and Dada. We began
      trying to teach her how to walk. She laughed and played with us. She was still
      our baby. I sit and watch her chest rise and fall, but this isnt normal and
      machine is doing it. I touch her face and stroke her arms, but she is clamy and
      hot. I whisper encouragment and tell her to have stregnth, but she doesnt
      respond. Its six o clock and my baby, the only thin
      g in the world that depends on me and is my soul responsiblity is slipping away
      from me, and all I can do is watch. After all we have been through after all the
      trials. I will never see her walk, or walk her up to the first day of
      kindergaten, I will never take her to brownies, I will never cheer for her in
      any sports, I wil never take pictures of her going to her first high school
      dance. I will never watch her graduate high school, and I will never help her
      pick ot a white dress for the most important day of her life. I will never tell
      her how beautiful she is and tell her that he doesn’t deserve her. Never will i
      do those things unless she fights. How is it I fought so hard to keep her, I
      went through so much pain to hold her and protect her, but in the end it hadnt
      mattered. This joy and blessing that was mine has slowly slipped from my open
      arms into oblivion. Her joy, smiles, dimples, and knowing look will always be at
      the back of my mind.. As I sit her and doctors fly!
      in and out to and from all I want to do is push pause. I want!
      to grab
      her and cradle what little life is left in her fragile body and conjole her to
      live. How is a life so small mean so much. Where is the justice in this? What
      has her life being taken accomplish. I cry and hold my boyfriend and he sits and
      crys and we mourn our daughter together. Doctors are telling us there isnt
      anything left. They medically cant do anything. It is in her. So should I fight
      for her plead with her, but what if she doesnt fight? Should I be mad that she
      didnt fight harder? How is that fair? My poor baby, my sweet angel.
      God Bless you Kennah Deirdre..
      Mommy loves you

      Kennah, would be four this coming December…
      as for my HUSBAND, and i… he is in Medical School, I am living at home until things are settled at school with him, and we are expecting a baby boy in January


        this is so powerful, i mean such a beautiful poem. im so sorry to hear you went through all of that and with all the sadness that you’ve been through came the miracle of your lil boy soon to be here. i wish you all the best of luck and blessings and your family will be in my prayers


          I am so sorry to hear about everything you went through with Kennah! It must have been, and still be, so hard.
          But congratulations on the little boy that you are expecting!


            you are a beautiful Mother.
            Congratulations on your little man.


              Everything you wrote was very beautiful.And well blessings to you and your family.Be strong for your baby boy.Much luv.


                I am so sorry for everything you have and are still going thru. As a mom myself I can’t imagine the pain you have endured from losing a child. I am so glad to hear that you are pregnant and all is well. Reading this really made me stop and think (more so than usual) how everyday must be cherished, thank you for that. Jessica


                  im soo happy that u are having another baby last time we talked u werent sure wether or not u were gonna try and have another baby. its so sad that ur lil girl wont be there with u and ur husband for the birth of ur baby boy but she will be there in spirit looking down on u all and being a protective angel and big sis to ur baby boy. i hope everything goes well for u guys in the future and if u would like to talk just let me no.

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