misuse of this site

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      I feel like this site has become more for young girls who want to get pregnant when they arent married or employed and just want to see if it is possible to raise a child and be happy so young. The point of this site is for people who are already pregnant, mostly on accident, to be encouraged to choose to go through with the pregnancy for unselfish reasons. yes, this site is to show those who are “in trouble” that it isnt the end of their life if they get pregnant. however, it upsets me that so many young girls are on here saying they are trying to get pregnant when they arent in a relationship or even graduated from college. it is selfish because i dont care what anyone says, a baby needs both parents. so when they do that they are creating a child who will most likely grow up without a father. it is just selfish to say “oh i want a baby even though im not married or have money, live on my own, ect.” So please stop encouraging those girls to “keep trying” when they just arent ready. I just needed to vent.


        I totally agree with you. I was actually talking about this yesterday, DAILY there are forums about a girl that thinks she is pregnant when she had unprotected sex and continues to (sometimes even counts how many times) and then is like what do I do? This drives me crazy.

        On the flip side when I was 14 or so I really wanted a baby. I can’t tell you why or how it happened but I just did. I’m now 24 with a 5 1/2 year old and my life is great. So sometimes even for those girls that want to have babies they too need some guidance. I think it is good for them to talk to other girls that have wanted babies and express to them why it is important to wait and why considering we have gone thru it. I preach all of the time that I would say 9 out of 10 times teenage mothers will break up with the teenage father. Kids do need both parents, I see first hand with my daughter how not having her biological father around really hurts her emotionally.


          I completely agree with MzLady22. Kids need both sets of parents. I am a teenage mum myself (18 years old) and I had a little girl in July, she’s 3 months old now or so. Her father and I are still together and I’m very greatful for that. We didn’t try to get pregnant, it was an “oops”…although that is an understatement lol. Besides all the tough times we’ve gone through, our daughter is what makes us smile at the end of the day..and for now, that’s fine.

          All the other girls who want to get pregnant that aren’t in a stable relationship, stable household (abuse or eitherwise), or just wanting to get pregnant because they think its the new “cool” thing to do. Believe me when I say this, it isn’t. The cost of formual and diapers alone can suck down a whole paycheck from someone doing a minium-wage, part-time job. If you want to go to a movie and you don’t have a sitter? Too bad, you can’t go. Having a child is a huge responsibility. So, please. Think hard about your choice before you have unprotected sex.


            I agree with you. After going through this whole situation myself… I wouldn’t reccomend anyone to try for it to happen. It is very stressful.

            But we just need to point them in the right direction and give them the help that they need. I was once like that, but I realized how it turned out. Thankfully I have the father here and my family to help every day. 🙂


              well maybe some of us are scared that we are.
              cause we havent gotten our period or something.
              and we want an anwswer to our questions.
              my pregnancy was unplanned.
              i had goals for myself and now i cant do those things.
              so why would i want to be a mother right now?


                Rebekha, that’s not true at all. You can still accomplish your goals with hard work and effort. Just had to say that.


                  Autumn I agree with you. Having a baby as a teen only changes your direction in life if you let it. For me it made me a stronger person and my life is BETTER than I ever dreamed it would be. I had my daughter at 18 and she is almost six. Life is what you make of it. Jessica


                    Aww. :] I’m so glad that there is support out there from girls who have made it succesfully through. That’s the reason I know it’ll be okay. I’m not in the worst situation.

                    I’m also happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life. Scared to death… but still happy.


                      I think there is a massive difference to being 18 than there is to getting pregnant at 14. Maturity being a big factor. I see a 14 year old as a child them selves, 18 is a more prepared mind for a child in most cases. they have had the chance to be a kid whereas a 14 year old pregnant has pretty much lost that chance because they have HAD to grow up and mature alot faster than intended.


                        I agree with the topic! So many girls are like asking advice on how to get pregnant when this website is not made to condone getting pregnant without being married. It was made for girls who made the mistake to support eachother and share their experiences!


                          You guys are the ones being slightly selfish. Okay SUG was first set up as a crisi centre for teen mothers. But it has now become a safe haven for girls who have chosen young in their life to start a family…not all girls that are writing posts are 14 and planning for a baby and for those who are there are many many guestbook posts urging them to wait. You have to realise that the way this society is today it is more acceptable for a girl to sleep around with whoever she fancies and however many people she can count with a calcualator than to (like me) settle down at a ‘young’ age get married and begin family life. Who said that not being 35 means that you can’t be a fantastic mother. THERE ARE ALWAYS EXCEPTIONS and I feel that SUG is the meeting place for many of those exceptions. It is where young mothers, mothers-to-be and want-to-be mothers can come and get a rational voice from others in their situation and where they can be around others that relate to them and are in the same position. I have been a member of this site for about a year now and I have seen a few girls young and wanting a baby then because of SUG either choosing to wait or setting up a solid foundation for that wish. And there are alot of young girls who are still with the father’s of their baby. please don’t be so narrow minded because it is because of opinions like that why so many girls are choosing abortions or feeling like they have ended they’re world because they got pregnant? Don’t you see? xx


                            I agree. Young (meaning girls in their teens) girls aren’t ready to be mothers. They shouldn’t be encouraged to try and get pregnant until they have grown up.


                              I completly agree. I would never encourage a teenage to get pregnant. Infact I strongly believe you should be married for the childs sake. However if it is an “opps” and the mother decides to keep the child they should also know that they can continue to make a life for themself and their child.


                                to ch3ry:

                                no one ever said at 35 you couldnt do anything. but at 14 you cant even drive or have a job, how are you supposed to support yourself. I have never met someone who didnt wish they waited longer to have a baby that got pregnant intentionally. not only can a 14 year old not drive or have a job, but they are just not mentally ready to raise a child. their brain physically has not finished growing. this site should not be encouraging girls of that age to become pregnant ever. if that has become the new purpose of this site them i will have to cancel my membership.


                                  hey MzLady I never have once seen a girl of age 14 been enouraged by older girls to have a baby or anyone on this site for that matter…i’m 20 and in general I am considered ‘too young’ to get married and have a baby SUG provided me with a place I could come with my innermost feelings and not be scared to be compoletely trashed and looked down on. Even at 20 I have had others tell me to wait and provide me with a lot of advice presenting two sides which made me realise how much I had to develop and change before I had a baby. Now I’m so prepared and so ready and veiw things in a different light thanks to SUG…yeah sure you might get a few girls who are all really young and they provide support to eachother but there will always be at least one wise voice telling them to wait…SUG has grown into so much for so many and really it’s not for you to dictate or decide what it should be to all of the hundreds of girls that come here…I hope you don’t cancel your membership but instead be a voice of reason for those girls you see that are too young and want a baby. You can be that light. xx


                                    I disagree with you COMPLETELY. You are talking about the average 14 year old. However, to begin with, NO ONE is mentally ready to raise a child. There are so many challenges ahead. I, myself, realize that… which is what makes me more prepared than most. I am going on 15 and you know what? I AM going to raise my child and do wonderful with my job as a mother and provider in the future. You aren’t right to be saying that at this age no one is “capable,” which is what I’m getting the impression of. My boyfriend and I have done a great job preparing ourselves and planning with the help and support of my family. Driving isn’t the main issue in raising a child. There are other ways to get around the average ways. NO ONE can decide what age you are ready for anything, except for yourself.

                                    In addition, this site has done a wonderful job in providing support to me and other girls my age and beyond. With its help, I have felt more capable than I ever imagined, even when I feel most helpless.


                                      are you assuming that at 35 you are mentally ready for a child?? what about those kids who have grown up with their parents allways fighting and partying and getting drunk who were 30+ when they had them? every woman and man is different…


                                        ok since my last post apparently everyone misunderstood what i was saying. I never said EVERYONE is going to be a good parent no matter what age. but im saying it is highly unlikely you will find a 14 year old with the maturity level to have a child, and say you are as mature as your average 25 year old, your still going to miss out on a lot of life that you wont be able to experience with a child. and generally when this happens, you get married young and have kids young, you get older and suddenly realize how much of your youth you have missed out on, and this can lead to unhappiness, regret, and even divorce. I am not saying this will happen to every single 14 year old who gets married but it is extemely likely. that is why people generally dont intent to start a family at 14. if it happens on accident and you want to be responsible and get married, then great. but if you are planning this intentionally then it shows that you are not at the maturity level because you don’t even have a job or can drive. and dont come back and say i said you couldnt do it. i did not say that. i said these are highly probable outcomes of it based on psychological studies. so yes, it is possible to raise a child from 14, but there is no reason to do this on purpose. i applaud any 14 year old who goes through with a pregnancy because that is a very brave thing to do. but PLEASE don’t get pregnant on purpose at 14.

                                        i am sorry for anyone who thinks a 14 year old who thinks they are ready should get pregnant on purpose and i completelty disagree with you.


                                          I agree that some of the girls aren’t 14 but seriously, it hurts to see all of these ppl who can go talk to a dr about how to get pregnant, when most of us are figuring out how to cope through the pain of either loosing a child or placing them for adoption. This is a site to support eachother not ask advice on how to get pregnant. Or say, oh yeah I’m pregnant but I knew I was going to have to have an abortion! That kills moms and ppl who can’t have kids. It’s not fair for ppl to be flaunting it…


                                            I was 18… My babies dad said he’d always be there… Guess what?! He left anyways, He told me to either get an abortion (not at all an option) or place him for adoption. I wanted my son to have a daddy because God created it that way for a reason, I wanted him to have everything he wanted. It’s not that I wasn’t capable of being an amazing mom, it’s that my (and most other single ppls situations) won’t allow it because you have to work, and you have to scrape to put food on the table. Boyfriends aren’t all that, they are just human and they don’t often stick around when their friends are out partying… I know that you may think your situation will be different, Lord knows I did, and guess what? My son lives in NY! Not with me, but with the family who can give him the world, soccer games, skating lessons, and a shot at what ever university he wants! Don’t be selfish and wait till you’re married…. It will be better and blessed. God loves you and wants you to be able to enjoy being a mom, but He wants you to wait till marriage for you, your bf’s and your childs sake….

                                            You are not every ready to be a mom, but you are more ready when you are mature, financially set and married!


                                              My point is that at any age you are never mentally ready. So you cannot say that a 14 year old isn’t ready, because NO ONE is. It’s not right to get pregnant on purpose, but for those of us who are (like myself, I matured fast and fell in love at a young age) doing this, I’d like to get a little bit of respect for what I’ve chosen for my son. I understand your point about the girls who are TTC at a young age. No, it isn’t right and I wouldn’t reccomend it. But for myself, I am in this situation and I’m doing a great job, to be honest with you. I’m working hard, and so is his father.
                                              I realize that I’m going to miss out on things of youth, but you know what? It doesn’t matter. My son has a life. I was never like the type of teenager anyways who wanted to go to dances, the movies, all that stuff. I always wanted to grow up and have a family. It just started out much earlier than planned.

                                              We shouldn’t be arguing like this, anyways. This is a support site, and we need to be doing so. The girls who are TTC at young ages, just try to steer them in the right direction. Please, for their sake. The girls, like myself, who are already in this situation should be treated with respect. The mothers should be treated with respect. The ones who have had abortions should have girls to help them heal from their mistake.


                                                i think the whole thing was actually about kids wanting kids on purpose, just for some one to love and other members encouraging it. i have seen it looking at other peoples spaces and people introduce themselves as ‘hi im ….. and im 14 an trying for a baby.’
                                                and people reply o great keep it up!
                                                how very wrong. this site helps alot o people who need it but people are on here that are looking to get themselves in trouble and think its ok to do so. I have a 14 year old sister and she is a child not a women. she shouldnt even be having sex let alone be trying for a baby and in my opinion no other child should be


                                                  I completely aggree! But, once the decision has been made, and there is no way to defer them from their decision all you can do is support them.


                                                    Omg, I definitely agree. This site has totally gone down hill. It seems like all these young girls took the site over and making it a trying to conceive website. I am so sick of seeing young teenage girls trying to conceive and having their little friends encourage them. Ughhhh..it makes me soooo mad too. I used to always come on this site, but it now seems really immature and full of little girls who don’t yet know what reality is.


                                                      I agree. in these situations this CHILDREN are selfish, TTCing. They want to please themselves. They have no selflessness as to what is best for the child they are attempting to bring into this world. Living of family, welfare, and barely scraping by for years or the rest of their lives, b/c they wanted a child to “play” with. I totally respect moms of all ages. Especially us young ones who were “FORCED” to be mothers. At least we stood up and took responsibility for our actions. But by no means would I actually have burdened MY CHILD, with this life on purpose. I am a lucky one I get to go to college and get an education. But I am still barely making it now. If it were up to me my daughter would have been born into a stable, educated, married life. Not to a teenager who was too busy having sex and trying to ACT like an adult. By the way I got pregnant at 15. I am now 19. My daughter 3 1/2 years.

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