Losing My Virginity……..

Losing my virginity was NOT what I thought it would be….for some girls it will hurt and they can also bleed, for me it was not physically painful though…..What hurt most was being dumped 20 minutes later….All I did was try to hold his hand and he told me I was being too clingy and that he needed space….I literally felt like I was a disposable kleenex used to give him a moment of pleasure and then be tossed in the trash…..They say that you never forget your first and that has been painfully true for me, I know many other girls with similar stories and I know many girls with stories about how it was a good experience and it made them feel closer to their bf but the same end still came around…break up….what happens is that it is easier to get in bed with someone when you are no longer a virgin, you feel like there is nothing holding you back, like the grand opening of a business, the ribbon has been cut and there is nothing new and exciting, that is how I felt and sadly I made the choice to repeatedly give myself away just hoping that “this time would be it” the time where I would feel good and loved and wanted…..Fast forward 10 years, I had one child and was pregnant with my second from a second father, I was so hurt and I felt so used up and ruined….I made the choice to not have sex again until my wedding night…if anyone would ever want to marry me….that day finally came 2 1/2 years later, I made it….the very first time I had sex with my husband was right after he took my wedding dress off and I can tell you from both sides of life that is wish that THAT would have been my first time ever….I wish that my incredible wedding night would be the first memory of sex, I wish that I didn’t have to compare the two nights in my mind….I wish I didn’t have the memory of not being good enough, it really does stick with you for the rest of your life…..My husband is a respectable man and even if I had said yes, he would have said NO….He didn’t want to be the next on my list of people that hurt me or used me….He treated me like I had value and worth….I didn’t see it at the time and still struggle with it at times but just because I was no longer a virgin did NOT mean that I lost my worth as a woman, but by making that decision when I did and with who I did, I set myself up for years of believing that I was ruined so who was I to be picky and say no?….I hope that this sheds a little perspective for you, there really is NOTHING to lost by waiting….You will not risk std’s, you won’t risk the heartbreak of feeling used and you won’t have to wonder what it feels like to feel like you have lost your worth like I did….Now when I mention worth in the same sentence as virgin please don’t confuse this, I do not view a woman who is raped or abused as a virgin as no longer being pure or as losing worth…those are terrible things to go through, I view virginity and purity in the areas of choice….when you choose to give yourself away freely you can never get that part back, and you take a part with you, by the time I got married I was literally like a combination of all the worst parts of the people that used me and I had given all of my best parts away….through time and healing and being loved in a real way by a man who respected my body I have learned to find that worth again and I have gotten rid of those bad parts and found my good ones again! Just be SO careful about this decision…it is one that you CANNOT take back! You can always make it later but you cannot reverse it once it has been made! I say wait, save yourself for the person who will say NO even if you say yes! He is worth it, I promise! <3 Meg

So may I ask how old you are? Are you in high school, college? I ask because if you are a minor living in your parents home then it would be wise to know where they stand on this issue….Anytime you engage in sexual contact you risk pregnancy, has your family ever discussed their stance on you becoming pregnant before marriage? Is his family aware of you two wanting to start a family? It is ideal when a child has extended family and you need to be sure that you will have support….married or unmarried, in or out of school, rich or poor family support is so needed….I have been around this site for a while and I have seen over and over again that the girls on here who have support are the ones who overcome obstacles best….I would just be sure to make sure you have your families support, both of you, before you make decisions that cannot be unmade….All I can do is offer advice based on the hard lessons I have learned, you have to make the decisions on your own, but you also have to bear the consequences just like I do….I always say this, Experience is the best teacher….if you can afford the tuition….I have the experience and I paid COSTLY for it, I have “books” for you to borrow, free of charge, you can go out and pay for your own but I can save you time, cost and much regret by sharing mine with you!…I hope you make the decision with the least regrets and least amount of consequences! Love Meg

So may I also ask if either of your families have encouraged you to chose abstinence until marriage as a spiritual decision? I ask because I see many people whos teens end up pregnant and they are not so shocked as they KNEW they were having sex, where as families who expect their teens to abstain are often blind sided by pregnancy as they have no idea they are having sex….it should be something you consider in this decision, if you end up pregnant before you graduate will it affect your plans for the fall? Will it jeopardize your place to live? I was 19 when I got pregnant with my first, I was not trying to get pregnant but I was also putting myself at high risk without really weighing the consequences of my future children….I was not in a good position to care for a child, much less on my own….Until you have a ring on your finger and a legal binding document declaring marriage there is no guarantee that you would not be taking care of a child on your own….words can only be proven by action and many times in the moment of unexpected pregnancy a man who is not committed on paper will often panic…many times he will come back once the baby is born but in my case neither of them did….This is a decision that cannot be unmade….I would encourage you and your bf to talk about these things in detail, what is your plan if you get pregnant sooner than two years from now? Do you plan on going to college, will you still be in that mindset if you get pregnant? Does he plan on going to school or working or both? You are of legal age to get married…is that an option on the table for this summer? You know that old song, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage? Why not try it out! You have nothing to lose that way! I think it is great when people get married young and start families early, they still have TONS of energy to run and play with their kids, it is actually a much better time for the female body to carry a baby….but having that solid legal commitment really does help the stability of the relationship and it has been proven in statistics that kids with two married parents often do better in school! There is less strain on the homelife….Just some food for thought! Love Meg

I am so grateful that my story has helped you confirm your decision to treasure your virginity! What is more appealing to you? A chewed up apple core in the garbage, a display of wax covered apples with stickers on them at the store or going into an orchard and looking for that ONE apple that catches your eye, picking it and enjoying every bite of it? You are that apple on the tree in the orchard, you have not allowed yourself to be consumed with pleasing boys while slowly giving away the deepest parts of your heart and soul, you are not out to fit in with the rest and be like everyone else….You Stand out in the orchard and I think THAT is hot, sexy and oh so pretty <3 In my case my amazing husband looked past the "missing pieces" of my heart and soul and through the Lord I have been restored as well as through the worth my husband placed on me by waiting for me....I feel like that whole crisp apple again but for you, you won't have to know the pain that comes with being chewed up and tossed aside! I am proud of you and knowing that you will avoid the heart ache that I have carried brings me great joy! If you would like to know more of my story go to the Sisterhood drop down box at the top of the homepage and click on My Stand Up Girl Story! You are right about that war but sex is NOT the easy way out, it just appears that way....It has caused anything buy easy circumstances in my life and in my marriage is has just been the incing on the cake, our marriage is so full of good qualities and we built our relationship without sex, it is so possible to fall totally in love, be 100% committed and have zero regrets about who we choose as a spouse without ever having sex....Then on your wedding night, it is the final step in truly becoming united and it is then intended to create an inseparable bond.... Keep up your determination and you will have no regrets so far as sex and relationships go! <3 Meg