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Anonymous
I heard that this would be hard on our relationship, but I never expected it to throw so much at us. We always endured the challenges and we’re falling apart now. I broke up with him 2 1/2 weeks ago after 2 1/2 years and a child together. I don’t know what came over me the second I said that I didn’t want to be with him, anymore. Of course I want to be with him. I learned that the hard way. It’s been miserable these past couple weeks and we worked through a lot of problems with our relationship and told each other things the other needed to work on. So what’s the problem? I don’t know, exactly. We’ve been talking every day after every class like we usually would, just without affection. I’m trying so hard to act okay around him because I can’t stand seeing him okay and then I’m not like that. Why do I have to be miserable? Why can’t we both feel okay with it? He’s mentioned things here and there like the fact that I’m supposed to move this summer to Tennessee and he wants to get used to not being together so maybe it’ll hurt less when I move. Last night he came over to spend time with Caden and I talked to him about this and he just kept saying that it’s just best that we’re friends for now. I asked him do you really not want to be with me? And he said yes and no. The yes part because he loves me, and the no is keeping him from saying the yes, and because he’s afraid that these things that we’ve worked on and fixed are going to go back to the way they were if we’re together, again. Honestly, it’s a hell of a lot easier to see him and be around him than not be around him, even as friends. But at the same time, it’s so much pain to keep myself from holding his hand. I stayed at his house last Saturday night and we talked about things then and I ended up holding his hand and it was just like… it used to be such a thing where it was just there, an everyday thing I was used to. But when I did it then… it just made me happy. I can’t even describe that happiness. And now that’s taken away from me, what else can I do but be hurt and unhappy? Sometimes I get so upset that I can’t even take care of my son… I know that he’s trying to run from something, and I know that we’ll end up together again in the future. But I don’t want to be here like I am hurting until then. Because I can’t move on, and I can’t let it go. Believe me, I really wish I could do that. I wish that I never met him and experienced that happiness and had it stolen from me and felt this pain. And I am trying to fight moving as much as possible… I don’t want Caden to be separated from him and him to only come visit every once in a while. Even as friends, it’d be so much better if we could live together. His mom even suggested that because of the move, but my parents refuse to allow it. I feel like sometimes they think that Caden is their child, not mine, and that they think they know what is best for him, rather than me. Ugh so many things are going on and I can’t even let it all out. It’s too much to think about and separate.
Sorry for writing so much… I really had to get it out. :s
myangelsinheaven
Hi Autumn,
I’m not sure what all the details are about your boyfriend and your relationship with him, but I just want to say that you should be proud of the fact that you chose life. You now have a child that needs you. It’s easy to get weighed down with the pressure and stress of seperating from the baby’s father, but the baby still needs mom.
I would try to take one day at a time, making it a goal to be the best mom you can be for Caden. Dress him, feed him, play with him and take him out for a walk in a stroller or just sit in the yard and breath some fresh air. It will help you clear your mind. And the vitamins from the sun will rejuvinate your spirit. Make sure that Caden and yourself are getting what you need, and that you’re doing the best you can at being a mother and a friend to yourself. Small steps first with everything after having a baby. If Caden is just an infant then you really need to give yourself some slack……take one hour, or one minute at a time and handle the most important thing in front of you. Even if it’s just showering with the baby near you in a baby seat, bathe the baby and feed him.Emotions are very deep after coming out of a pregnancy. Your hormones are going to be leveling out for the next 6-8 weeks, and sometimes it will take longer when you have other stresses factored in. (seperating from a loved one) I remember crying at the silliest things, or getting angry at some of our older children for rediculous reasons. You have to sit quietly and close your eyes, and let God speak to you.
Your parents are probably just seeing your stress and wanting to help out by way of advice and recommendations. They love you and the baby or they wouldn’t be involved, trust me. Just try not to take offense at that.
Your relationship seems to need healing before it can become stronger. The pain of your history with one another has to be dealt with through communicating with each other. Just tell him how your truly feeling and offer to listen to him as well. Don’t hide behind half attempts at affection and meaningless chit chat. You will go nowhere with that and you both will become more annoyed at the failed attempt at resolving things. And remember, Caden needs attention.
I hope this helps; I’ve been with the same man for over 20 yrs. and we have had terrible periods in our life together. There can be healing and forgiveness and then a new relationship will develop.
God bless,
myangelsinheavenHi Autumn!
I’m so sorry to hear about everything that’s been happening with you and your bf!
Just remember that everything is going to seem really bad right now, especially since Caden is so little, but that it will get better whether you guys end up back together or not. But it is really great that you guys are still friends! Because at least you know that he still cares for you enough to not want to hurt you.
I don’t really have any advice, it looks like myangelsinheaven gave you some great advice, but I really hope that everything works out for you!
Hugs!jessey223
Hi Autumn I am sorry to hear you are going thru so much right now. My advice would be to tell him how you feel and see where it takes you. If he does not want to be together then DONT you don’t want for him to be with you just for the baby or because that’s what you want. That is not going to make for a happy life for you or Caden or his father. I know that it is very difficult I went thru the same thing. My ex and I were together for 4 years before I had my daughter but we grew apart and we were both miserable. We were together for a total of 8 years and to be honest we should have called it quits long before we did. Once we did my life was my daughter, I did everything with her. Some call it good and some would say it’s not so good but I was her everything and she was mine. It was very hard at first but we were all much better off. And today our life is wonderful there are no head games, chasing men, the on and off and deal. Relationships should not be that way, not only for you but for your son. So again my advice would be to give it your best shot tell him how you feel and then don’t push the issue if it goes nowhere. Take this time to be a mom and in your son you will be amazed how much love and happiness you will find. Best of luck and you know I am here to chat anytime. Jessica
hi!
im sorry to hear about your problems…i know it seems like a low right now, but thats the rollercoaster of life! things will definitely pick up soon and get better, promise! just keep looking forward to the future!:)kez_mummy_2_skye
I really don’t know what to say.
My advice if there was no-one else getting their sticky beaks in would be to keep the affection up and maybe he will see that you need him. He still wants you as you’ve said.
How many hours away is it from where you are now(im in AUS-so not sure)It would be nice for you guys to move in together and be a proper family and work on things together.
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