Letting go

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      People certainly change in life, and I’m so afraid that knowing that now will hold me back from going where I want to go. I am uncertain now if true love exists, or even happiness with your other half. My son is my entire life… school and him are what I try and keep my mind on. But I just can’t let go of his dad. It’s been months since we broke up, and I’m still listening to songs that remind me of us. I keep holding on to what we had before he changed. He’s a complete jerk now. After my son was born he stopped paying attention to me. He wasn’t strong enough to handle the pressure, and when I needed him he turned me away. That was the reason I broke up with him in the first place. Of course I tried to get us back together for my son, but he had no interest in me or Caden. And now I’m left to be hurt. I can’t focus on anything, and I can be happy… then I revert back to being depressed. I’ve been so desperate to just replace him, but then again everyone I meet doesn’t compare to him. He was perfect, he was my everything. I don’t understand why that had to change, why he to become this… monster to me. We just recently started a friendship but I don’t trust him at all with anything, there are also a bunch of legal issues involved that I can’t even talk about because that’s a totally different subject. He hasn’t seen our son in 2 months, nearly. Basically I just want to move on, let go, and find some one new. I want to have hope that there is some one better out there will love my son and I. I want to really know it. And this feeling I have that I know his father and I will be together in the future? How can I let it go?


        I was once in your shoes and did not know what to do or where to turn without who at the time seemed like my sole mate, my high school sweetheart. So my advice would be to do as you say and move on. In order to move on you need to let go of the fact that you are going to be with him one day. Focus on who you are actually hoping to be with the father of your child and he has not seen his son in two months. Sure you broke up with him but that does not excuse his actions. The is a slim to none chance that he will change and that is not something you or your son need in your life. Don’t focus on replacing your ex because you need better and just like kids can not be replaced neither can men. Spend this time and be a mommy and excel in school. When it’s the right time you will find the right person. Best of luck and I am here anytime to chat. Jessica


          Hello sweetheart,

          a few years ago i went out with guy, we were together for about a year- we spilt up for reason im not going to go into but i thought i would never get over him- i thought he was perfect, i thought he was my everything.
          when we spilt went out with a few guys after him but everyone i measured up to my ex and there was never any competition- my ex always won it.
          always in my mind that we would get back together.
          well about 6/7 months after that i meet my now boyfriend, and i realised that my ex wasnt perfect, he was a druggie and a dealer, he treated me really badly, took me for grated, and had no respect for me.
          i have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years now and i am so happy!!

          it is going to take time to get over your ex sweetheart, you wont wake up one morning soon and be over him. but it will take longer if you hold on to him.
          you two will always be connected through your son, but dont use that against him.
          ive read stories about girls who use there children to get there ex’s back- dont do it. things will become worse!!!
          you may think he is perfect now, but i bet you will meet someone later in life and realise that he’s not perfect! believe me darling.

          concerntrate on being an exellent mummy to your son, and school!! i know you can do it.

          im always here to talk, if you ever want to.
          take care.

          Bernardette x


            I’m sorry that you’re hurting so much for your ex. You have to know that you’re not alone. It can be a heavy weight to bare with everything you’re trying to accomplish with school, and trying to be the best mommy you can be to Caden.

            Some people will always disappoint us in life. That is a fact. Our expectations of others may exceed what they are capable of at that point in their life. They have to have an open heart and a willingness to be that person we want and they also may not realize their potential to be more selfless, and compassionate. So, they will continue to go through life feeling the effects of their choices and, possibly, if they experience enough sorrow and lonliness
            as a result of those bad choices, they will change their life around.

            You have given your life to Caden and are a true example of selflessness. Your daily example of love, commitment, and determination as a mother, a student and as a role model will not go unnoticed. Many young girls will look to you for support and guidance because of what you have and will continue to accomplish. Your story will be shared by many people you may never know, but the effects of your example will be HUGE!! I hope that you can remain confident yet graceful in the face of his and his family’s attacks on you. I hope that you can feel the beauty of your baby boy when you are feeling weak and lonely, and that the beauty of his innocence will lift you and give you courage to continue on. Steadily, patiently, and lovingly no matter what others say or do.

            We are always here to talk. You can always print out a few forum posts that inspire you the most, and carry them with you. When you need take a quiet moment to sit and refocus, read some of those posts and remember the rewards of your hard work.

            God bless,


              Thank you girls so much. I’m trying to remember the bad things he’s done to let go, but at the same time remember the good times to never forget. It’s slowly getting easier… and my son definitely is the perk of all of this. I just have to stay focused, you all are right. With a schedule of all honors next year… it’ll be difficult. But I’m trying hard for Caden’s future. I just still keep wishing his dad would do he same.

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