ITs EZ to give.. but not to take.

I never have a problem giving advice… it’s just so hard to take some of my own.

Here is my situation:

My boyfriend and just JUST got back together. The first night we consummated the relationship- we had sex. Once without a condom. Immediately afterward, I told him that what we had done wasn’t intelligent if we weren’t planning on children.

I have to get graffic… sorry! Basically… we’ve managed to use condoms for the most part… and on the rare occasion we didn’t.. he’d always just pulled out. Or sometimes he just wouldn’t ejaculate.

Well… this particular time. He didn’t make a peep. So I thought he didn’t come.

Well… he did. And exactly one week later, I told him that I thought I was pregnant. He seemed excited at the prospect… and we never really talked about it further.

I took a test and it came back negative. And I really thought I was off the hook. I didn’t really realize that I had taken the test too early.

Two more weeks go by… and I’m plagued with heartburn… breast soreness… and exhaustion. I decided to take one more test.

That was two weeks ago. And we still have yet to have a major conversation about what to do. We briefly spoke about it…
and from the brief discussion… he made it clear he wasn’t ready to have a second child (he has a 7 year old son from a former relationship) He said he’d wants things to be settled between us.

I just moved to California 6 months ago… and I’m living in a crappy roommate situation. He just got here in the beginning of December… and he’s living with friends of the family…

Everything seems to point in the direction of not keeping the baby.

Everyone I know can’t stand my boyfriend… My dad, my sisters… my friends… (they just don’t understand our relationship)
and yet I love him…..

I haven’t even had a chance to break the news that I’m back with him…
and now I might have to tell them I’m pregnant by him.

I booked my abortion appt for tomorrow morning, just in case we both feel we should go through with it.
Tonight my boyfriend and I will have our first real, heart to heart about it.

We’ve decided(non-baby related) that we are going to move in together.
Financially this will help us get on our feet.

I’m afraid that if I tell him I want to keep the baby… he’s not going to move in with me. And if he doesn’t… I can’t afford an apartment on my own.
The lease is up on the apartment I’m in now… In April… so I need to figure out what to do quickly.

Honestly… everything seems to point in the direction of not keeping it.
But the thought of the abortion is killing me.

I know he is scared, and I’m scared too.

I don’t know what to do.

The more I think about it… the more confused I get.

What would you do if you were in my shoes?