Is It Really A Shared Decision?

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      [i]I just recently found out i was pregnant, and my ultrasound tells me.. or should i say; “Us” that i am 7 weeks along.

      My Family, have been reasonably supportive, and made all of my options clear to me, and still left the decision up to me..
      However; My Boyfriends Family are Chilean, and are very against my decision to keep this baby. Slowly though, their opinions, have become his, and he is now, doubting himself and the baby; and has decided he doesnt want him/her.

      Now, a BIG part of me, understands his fears. I am 18 and he is 21.. However, i am struggling to explain to him, how much more emotionally complicated this decision is..
      He is suffering, and i know this.. and sometimes i hate myself for it.. But then i realise, this isnt my, or anybody else’s fault..Its a Decision.

      I stand with a Catch-22 decision, where i keep the baby, and lose him (and struggle as a single parent) or i abort the baby, and lose a big part of myself?

      Which brings me to the million dollar question;
      “Is It Really A Shared Decision?”

      I joint this site, and created this forum, hoping that younger and older women, (and even men) could offer insight into my situation.. I understand that Abortion is the right decision for some people; but just because it is for him, doesnt mean it is for me..

      And now, my Conscience is heavy with Guilt; and im left to wonder;
      How can “WE” be OK; if “IM” not?[/i]


        Hey girl! Your thread caught my eye. I was once in your position and I can tell you in simple terms.. no, it’s not a *shared* decision. It’s 100% your decision to make.

        I completely understand your fears over loosing your boyfriend, but please understand that no matter what you do, or what you don’t do, it wil be his choice whether to stay with you or not. I mean to say that there is nothing in all of reality that you can do to keep him or make him leave.

        My boyfriend (now husband) had his mother & sisters in his ear. I had jus turned 17 and he about to turn 18 when I got pregnant. She convinced him that we could not handle having a baby, that I was trying to *trap* him :blink: , and that we wouldn’t ever make anything of ourselves if I kept the baby. As a matter of fact, she was going to take me to the clinic to have the abortion. But thank God I changed my mind. He’d threatend me that he would leave if I kept her and all that stuff and I was terrified. But I came to realize that there is no guarantee that he would be a great guy to have around, or that I would be better off without him. So I had to make the decision for myself.

        We do have a happy ending. We did *make it*. ANd you know what, his mother even apologized to me and thanked me after all that I kept the baby. My firstborn is now almost 18. I look at her and think “Wow.” just wow. It did take him a while to come around, but.. he did. We’ve been married now for over 10 years and have added 4 more kids to our brood.

        So chin up. It will be ok. B)


          hi darling, im so glad i read your thread.

          listen to your own heart. go away for the weekend or something just the two of you (if you can) or stay at yours and talk.
          talk about both of you, this baby, his family, your family. your future.

          im 10 weeks pregnant and my boyfriends family are making it very hard for me. which is causing arguements between us. so we’re going to my mums house for a few days to talk and get away.

          babe what do you want to do?
          ive had an abortion, forced. and it ruined my life. i had no choice over it.
          this baby is your baby. so you do what you want. dont let any FORCE you into anything!! you will regret it.

          he’s probably scared and dont want his family to turn their backs on him. but they will come round. and re assure him that hes got nothing to be scared off.
          you can do it 🙂

          b x

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