is feeling alone…

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      so i had my baby premature.. everything was going perfect with him he was healthy after he came out of me. I was so excited to hear that he’d be coming home by the weekend if he kept up the good work and then the next day he got sick and everything went so fast and then the next thing i knew he was being taken to a hospital 2 hours away from me. I stayed with him and was told he might have to get surgery watching him cry was the worst feeling for me.. seeing his pain made me want to just take it from him. I was a wreck my bf was there for me. And then i got the call the next day i was sleeping when they phoned and said he needed an emergency surgery.. i was so upset i couldnt help myself but bawl for him. I didnt want to lose him. my bf was there through it all he held me. Then after then surgery was done they explained that his recovery is also key point to it all. I feel this is all my fault cuz if it wasnt for my body he wouldnt have been premature. The way the doctors phrase things it makes me think its my fault. And i cant explain how i feel to my bf because he doesnt quite understand i feel like noone understands. I mean i cant hold him i can barely touch him. I can only see him on weekends now.. and its heartbreaking.. i just feel so alone.. and i feel angry, sad, and depressed all in one.. its horrible..


        im so sorry to hear the pain that you’re going through right now and please dont blame yourself. drs can be so ridiculous sometimes. your son seems like a true fighter so i know he’ll get out of this safe and healthy.
        your son is in my prayers please stay strong he needs you to be strong for him, hang in there


          Hey.. Just wanted to stop by and let you know that I’m thinking about you. Don’t let your head get in the way, my second son was born premature and stayed in the hospital 2 weeks or so.. it was rough, my last child, my daughter, was born with Spina Bifida and has had a life of surgery and sickness.. for the first 3 yrs of her life I lived with guilt that it was my fault, that is the furthest thing from the truth…you have no control over it unless you were knowingly using drugs while you were pregnant, even then, the drug is to blame- I am here for you if you need me. Keep strong for you baby and if you need to vent- I’m here. by the way.. what is his illness?


            I have been praying for you and for your baby… how is he doing? How are you doing?
            It’s not your fault! Don’t listen to the way that doctors phrase things! They have trained themselves to see you and your baby as patients, not people.
            I hope that your baby gets better soon! Hugs!


              he got something called NEC im not sure what it stands for. theyve told us but its so medically long and such but yeah in the surgery they had to remove 3 quarters of his coline(i have no idea how to spell it) and 10 cm of his small intestine we went for a meeting with the doctors in charge of him and they told us basically we have to wait till he heals but there can be complications that can happen that could make him be there for months and such and its hard for me. somedays im ok but other days im depressed and angry and jealous and its horrible feelings for me to feel and i feel guilty but i cant help it


                umm.. necro something or another, something colitis- I’ve heard a little about this when I’ve been @ UCLA with Aimee on a couple of her extended stays! This is just the rough beginning, things will settle down as you settle in to having a ‘special’ baby. It’s rough, I know that well, I was 25 when I had my special baby girl, and 20 when my son was born, but he was a breeze once his lungs got stronger. You’re still young and there is alot of life experience that hasn’t made you strong enough to deal with this (I’m not trying to sound harsh, I just don’t know how to word this right sorry) I’m saying that my experience when I was 20 with my second son and my experience when I was 25 actually like 27 because she didn’t get really sick til she was 2- with my daughter was easier to deal with and I know it was just that I had grown up more in those years. But I know you’ll be fine- and remember doctors usually give you worse case scenario- because people are much less likely to try to sue a doctor if they tell them that the situation will only get worse and it gets better than if they say it will get better and it gets worse.. ya know.. hang in there


                  im hanging in there.. and not to sound harsh or anything but im handling this the best way i can. And ive dealt with a lot of situations that made me more mature for my age. My dad has diabeties and cancer and kidney failure which all started when i was 10 and i lost my grandfather to cancer when i was 12 so ive dealt with a lot of medical situations harshly.. and this is my first child so i dont exactly know how i cannot be semi not mature about it all. and i know doctors have to give the worst case scenario but they could phrase it better. they just told me today that he has some brain trama which can cause problems along the road as small as nothing at all to him being in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. so im still going to love him and be there for him and such but its so hectic that all of this can happen to something so small. and im sorry to hear about your daughter and such i hope shes doing better now and i hope your son is doing well too

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