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Anonymous
I’m 21 and i am 7 months pregnant. This wasn’t a mistake only bad timing. My finace and i decided we wanted to have a baby, everything was going well so we tried for it and bam here i am 7 months later. Ever since I have gotten pregnant things have fell apart for us. Our car broke down so we had to buy a new one, we got evicted from our home, I lost my job. We moved in with friends so we could get on our feet but everything just kept snowballing. Anyway we moved out of our friends house but didn’t have the money to get our own place so he went and stayed with a friend so he can keep working and i went to my mothers which is two hours away from where he is.
He told me before i left that we would be ok and that he would call me everyday and would come and see me as often as he could. He calls me but I only get to talk to him for maybe 5 minutes if i am lucky, he doesn’t really talk much to me about anything, he says he will call me when he gets off work so that we can talk longer but so far i am just left waiting up all night for his calls that never come. He was supposed to show up tonight for thanksgiving and all, and here i am at 5am writing this cuz i can’t sleep cuz he never showed or called to tell me he wasn’t coming. at first i got worried, then angry, then scared that he’s with someone else. This causes a lot of stress for me and i am scared that i am hurting the baby by being so stressed out.
I think that maybe he just dumped me off at my moms and the baby that he once wanted he doesn’t want anymore, that he doesn’t want me anymore, and that i am going to be left alone raising this child on my own. I’m so scared cuz i agreed to this pregnancy under the terms that we would do this together and now i feel so alone and betrayed. I try to talk to him about this but it makes him angry he doesn’t try to talk things out with me anymore if i say something he doesn’t like i have to change subjects or he says he’ll hang up on me. I don’t really know what to think or what to do my mind wanders so much and all i want is to be with him and he just seems so distant from me and i think he wants out. what should i do what should i think how should i bring this up to him in such a way that he will talk about it with me?Kit
Angela,
Wow, it sounds like you have had a tough last few months! I’m not sure why your fiance is being distant.
I can understand how you feel alone and betrayed. It may be hard to discuss the subject with him, but you will need to get some answers from your fiance to find out where things stand.
Talk to him directly about how you feel hurt that he doesn’t call and that he has not been here for you. Let him know that you care about him, but that you feel like he is distancing himself from you, and that it concerns you when you are thinking about your future with this baby and your future together as a couple.
Don’t let him dodge or act like you are being unreasonable for bringing this up – you are absolutely in your rights for bringing this up – he hasn’t been very fair to you and you deserve his support – or at least some answers and the truth about his feelings about your relationship and this baby.
I hope that things get better for the two of you and that he becomes more supportive, but even if he decides to leave the picture try to hang in there – it seems that life hasn’t been very fair to you, but things will get better and you will make a great mom. Best wishes.
Kate
Angela,
I’m sorry to hear you are having a tough time. I think you should try to talk to him in person about something like this. Some things are just not easy to discuss over the phone. Do you have a way to get to where he lives? I would just tell him I know you don’t want to discuss this, but I need to know where I stand. Am I going to be raising this baby alone or are you going to be here to support me. Hopefully he is just scared and unsure what to do and will come around when the baby is born.
You can’t make someone be there for you if they don’t want to be and do you really want them there if they don’t want to be there?
I was engaged to be married in April and found out I was pregnant. The father came to me the day before the wedding and told me he did’nt know if he loved me or not and did’nt know if he would show up for the wedding or not. We had dated for four years. He finally showed up 2 hours late at the church. This was the beginning of the end. We went ahead with the wedding. My child was due in July, but was born in May. She was 2 1/2 months early. I don’t know if all the stress played a role in this or not, as I was premature also. He left when she was 2 months old. I thought my world was ending. Shortly after all of this I lost my job.
That was eighteen years ago and it was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. At the time it is hard to see that. My child had several health issues at the beginning but she and I made it through. When she was 2 1/2 I met a wonderful man that later became my husband. He loved her as if she were his. We have been married for sixteen years and I am happier than I have ever been in my life. I am telling you this just to show you he may not be the one. There could be someone else that God has waiting for you.
Hang in there. I wish you the best. Be strong for your child.
Denise
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