im a mommy to an angel!

as some people know, i lost my son about a year ago. i was six months pregnant. first, ill start from the beginning, i got pregnant at sixteen, on september 16th, 2008 i had my first prenatal appointment, i was a little over eight weeks. i went out and bought an outfit with duckies all over it. october 2008 i heard his heart beat, it was strong but i dont remember the exact number. nov 26th i had my big and my first ultra sound, i found out i was having a boy, my mom and i went out and bought an adorable puppy outfit. then rushed home to tell my fiance this big news. my brothers fiance was due a week before me and had also just found out she was having a boy, their first son had also been stillborn back in february 2008. my baby boy was happy and healthy and extremely bouncy, he’d kick me alot but i loved it. he would kick me even more when he heard his daddys voice. it was a rough pregnancy, i had morning sickness all the way up until the last day and i would faint a lot and have trouble breathing. dec 13, 2008 my fiance, my dad, and i had picked out nursery stuff, sailboats, because on my grandfathers grave was a sailboat, and i had never gotten to meet him so ever since i was little i have liked sailboats. dec 14th, 2008 i met my fiances dad for the first time, helped his family set up christmas stuff, and as we ate dinner i had a bad feeling, i didnt want to leave and i tried to make it so we wouldnt have too but we had too. on the way home our car was struck head on. it was dark and the lights were out from a wind storm. the girl driving didnt have her headlights on. after the impact our car hit a tree. i had no idea what was happening, i never saw the other car and i was in the back. i was rushed to the hospital and i told them over and over, i leaked something. they wouldnt test it. i had an emergancy ultra sound, zachary was healthy. while i was getting dressed i started crying and thanking god for giving me a fighter and helping him make it through this. i was sent home in the middle of the night. the next day i had court for missing school because of drs appointments and morning sickness. if i didnt go i would go to jail and my baby would be taken away. little did i know, my baby died while i was in the courtroom. the next day i went to the drs. my dr couldnt find the heartbeat and i started crying i knew this wasnt right. i was again rushed to the hospital. and giving another ultrasound. i wasnt allowed to see, but my dad did. he wouldnt tell me what was happening though. they sent my out and i already had a feeling at that point. the triage came out while i was in the waiting room and told me when the phone rang to answer it, my dad answered it for me, my fiance and sister had showed up. my fiance ran to get my sister that worked there as soon as he heard me screaming. when my dad was on the phone he started crying but didnt say a word, i knew right then, when he got off the phone all he could say was the baby didnt make it. i dropped to my knees and forgot how i got brought to the kitchen where my family was. i just remember yelling for my baby and holding my stomach and telling them i cant walk. they induced me..they had to do it three times. i finally delivered my beautiful baby boy on december 17, 2008 at 8 41pm. he was 13.5 ozs and 27cms long. i got to spend three hours holding him, i dressed him up, and told him how sorry i was and my family all held him. i had my sisters and my mom and dad and fiance in the room while i delivered, i couldnt do it without them. on dec 18th, i spent about an hour with him and they put him in another outfit that i sent him away in. they did the prayer and it was time for me to say goodbye. i was released that night, leaving with only a box of memories i had such as his blanket, a stuffed animal, his hat, and the outfit he wore. the hours i spent with him have been the best hours of my life, even if he couldnt be alive for them. <3