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Anonymous
I’m 19 and I just found out a couple of day ago that I’m about 4 weeks pregnant. I’m so confused on whether or not I should keep the baby. My b/f wants me to have an abortion, but says he’s still ok with me keeping the baby if I wanted to. I told my mom and she is completely supportive with whatever I want to do, but the problem is I have no idea what I want to do. It seems like the more I think about it the less I’m sure of what I want. Please, any imput to help me sort out my thoughts would be much appreciated!
Julie
Tae,
It is completely normal to feel confused at a time like this! It takes time to adjust to this reality: Your life has changed, You are a mother! I know abortion might seem like an easy way out – but it isn’t. Abortion doesn’t change the past, but it does affect the future. This website is full of stories of girls who have had abortions and experienced deep regret. (http://standupgirl.com/site/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=74&Itemid=41 for example)But no one ever regrets giving her child life! It is a good thing pregnancy takes 9 months – you’ll have time to sort out your feelings and make decisions for the future. You may be ready to be a Mommy. Fantastic! There are a lot of resources out there to help you be a great one. You may realize you aren’t ready. That is O.K. Coming to that conclusion doesn’t make you irresponsible, selfish, or cruel. (and, like I said, you’ll have months to think about it.) Placing your child for adoption is not ‘abandoning’ her – it is providing for her a family who IS ready, and longing to raise her. Either way, you will NEVER regret having this baby, and you will be amazed by the love you will experience.
If you want to talk, you can e-mail me at julie@standupgirl.com
Love,
juliePost edited by: Julie, at: 2005/10/04 03:26
hey tae, it is a good thing your mum si there for you whatever but what you need to do is think about whats best for you. abortions are the easy way out but it is a childs life that you will be giving up!! stay strong and remeber everyone on this site is here for you good luk and remeber to let me know what ever you decide xxxxpaigexxxx
Tae,
I’m currently 8 months pregnant and went through the same decisions as you just a few months back. I’m older, being 30, but let me tell you, the questioning of whether you’re ready or not ready for a child doesn’t get any easier as you age. This is my first child and I considered abortion in the beginning because I was trying to weigh the impact of my child’s birth on the father, myself, and her. He didn’t want her and was adamant about not being involved. I ultimately chose to keep her, as I realized that if I trusted my instinct/intuition, that ANY amount doubt or questioning about aborting her meant that I couldn’t have handled the decision to do so. If I knew then what I know now, there is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY I would have even considered abortion. On June 26th I felt her move for the first time. It was amazing. I think abortion is an easier decision earlier on because you don’t feel your child’s movements. As small as your child is at this early stage he/she already has all of the parts that make him/her distinctly human. Ultimately, his/her presence in your life will be your greatest gift and in the end his/her existence is more impactful and important than you can possibly realize at this point. If you choose to keep your child, remember that the father may not stay around. I truly believe that men have an easier time making an abortion or abandonment decision because they don’t have the physical connection with their child. Ask the women in your life what it was like for them to be pregnant, getting as much detail as possible. You’ll learn more about your body and yourself through this experience than you can even imagine. To really test to see if you’re able to handle an abortion emotionally, go to a support clinic where they can have you listen to your child’s heartbeat. You’ll know then.
Post edited by: sweettea, at: 2005/10/06 04:32
Dear !
My advise is, please keep this baby.
Choose life !!!!
I know you struggle right now because it will be the hardest decision
that you ever make but please save this life and God will bless you !!!!angelbigurl19
hey gurl you are not alone i am 19 years old and i found out a couple of weeks ago that i am pregnant i might be about 5 weeks and a half what ever u do dont have an abortion you will regret it i myself plan on keeping this baby i am going to give this baby life morning sickness and sleepiness in the end is all worth it my mom had three abortion before she had me and my 5 yearold sister now i dont want to make the same mistake she did . abortion is freaky and scary to think about it . dont do it . plz. 🙁
how are u doin i’m tellin u to do what’s best for u 🙂
im 17 and im 8-9 weeks pregnant.. i found it really hard to come to terms with when i first found out and i didnt know what to think.
i told my mum about 1 week after i found out and she seemed to be fine with me and said that she would support me and i could stay at home.
last week my mum started telling people in the family as i had said that id made my mind up and i wanted to keep it.my mum came to the doctors with me and we made an appintment with the midwife.
last week my mums sister (my aunt) came up and begged me 2 have n abortion saying it was a simple little operation and it would mean i could get on with my life, she told me that i was selfish if i was to keep the baby going on to say i wud ruin my younger brothers (aged 4 and 6) lifes and my mums. this really upset me and made me feel very guily and upset.
the next day when i got in from work my mum told me that she wanted a word, she told me tht she had a think and had decided that she would not be able to cope me keeping this baby and that she wanted me to get rid of it. she said she would not be able to watch me ruin my life and if i decided to still keep it that i would have 2 move out.
i am really confused and i dont know what help or support is available to me or where to even go. ive had today of work to try and get my head around it but i just feel sick with worrie.
please help,hannah x
Don’t do what your boyfriend wants you to, or what your parents want you to do. Do what you know is right. Having an abortion will change your life forever. You will have to deal with the fact that you killed your own baby for the rest of your whole life. Have that baby. It is okay to give him/her up for adoption. That is most slef-less thing someone could do. Of course, that might be the hardest thing you will ever do in your life, but think about the life of your child. There are millions of men and women out there who are unable to have children and would die to have YOUR baby. That is a gift in itself. If you feel you are able to take on the responsibly of keeping your baby. Then, of course do that. There will be obstacles, and there will be times when you feel like giving up, but i will be praying for you, and God has His arms around you and if holding you in the plam of His hands. This is a huge life changing decision. Think about this hard, and pray about it. God will talk to you.
Hang in there…
love,
catttAdvice….. well I’m not having a child, but you just have to deal with it. If you have friends talk to them about what your feeling. Try your family they are your biggest support linr right about know. Use the people you’ve got. Don’t push the ones away that have always been there for you.
That’s all I have for you
KeishaHey girls,
Thank you so much for all of your imput. I have decided to keep this baby no matter what happens with the father. I don’t really need him, I have so many people that are there for me. My mom, now that she knows the final decision, is so happy and can’t wait, and the same goes for my friends, they can’t wait to be a bunch of aunties. I’m so excited for this to happen. I finally told the father today that my decision is to keep this baby and he says he’s not mad but he’s not happy either. He says that he’s not ready to deal with this in anyway and that he needs some time to himself to think. I told him to take all the time he needs, this isn’t going to be easy on either of us, but I think with time he might come around and get a little excited, I hope anyway. But lots of love and I’ll keep everyone updated in the happily pregnant section, so look for me there.Love,
TaeP.S.
espcially you hannah, you can do it and if you can’t get things together in a couple of months where you have support and feel like you can do it, you can always consider adoption!!!Post edited by: SweetTea, at: 2005/10/07 15:18
Hannah,
I’m sorry that you are having to handle this on your own with no support from your family. You are the only one that will have to deal with your decision for the rest of your life. I have never had an abortion, so I can’t tell you what it is like. I have read enough stories on here to where that would not be my choice. Just remember it is always harder to do what is right.
Hopefully your Mom will come around and think about what she has said to you and change her mind. I wish you well.
HGTAE AND HANNAH!!!
Listen girls. Speaking from experience, Tae I AM SOOO GLAD you decided to keep your baby. Hannah, there is so much support out there for you. You can get WIC (Women Infant Children), there are free clinics where you can go for counseling and support. Call your local Health Department, they should be able to give you all of the info. that you need. I found out I was pregnant 4 days after I turned 17. Everyone was supportive, but the father was young also and wouldn’t even talk to me about it. So, I thought that the best I could do( mainly for him) would be to have an abortion. WRONG!!! I finally stopped having suicidal thoughts because of it about 2 years ago. Adoption is ALWAYS and option if you have too. Please be strong girls. My heart goes out to the both of you. Please don’t make the same mistake I did. I wouldn’t wish that kind of hurt on anyone.
I wish you both the best of luck!!!!
Post edited by: Julie, at: 2005/10/11 01:00
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