I just dont know what to do

Oh honey, I am so sorry that you are in this dilemma, no one should ever have to chose between their own flesh and blood and a profession…I know you are in a tough place and I can feel the fear and confusion and pull radiating from your post, My dream was always to be a dancer, ballet, I was in ballet for several years and I won so many awards and then one year, I was 12, my dad could no longer afford to keep me in dance, that was the year that I started rebelling, dance kept me focused on my future and taught me self respect for my body but when I was no longer in ballet I just threw it all out and gave up….I lost my virginity at 13 just several months after I had to stop dancing and I only went down hill after that….I ended up pregnant at 19 and I was into heavy partying and drugs and the dad wanted me to get an abortion, I almost did and I am sooooo glad I didn’t, sometimes when no one is home or when the kids want to listen to music I will do some ballet moves and they love dancing around with me, it is so fun, I never made it to the Boshoi theater in Russia, my ultimate goal but I look back and nothing compares to the accomplishment I have in being a mommy, I didn’t plan my first two kids and I went through a rough season of being a single mom, I will not lie, it was hard and there were many times that I was unsure if I would keep my house or have water and electricity due to lack of income, I was prepared to cook outside over a fire if I had to…seriously I was taking steps towards being able to survive in my house with no water or electricity and I had a friend offer me their camping toilet…LOL…I am thankful that it never had to come to that but it came scarily close…I know that if you abort your child that you will live with regret for the rest of your life, just the grief and pain and depression that it can and will bring can ruin your dance career and or make you bitter and resentful towards yourself and dance for being “more important” than your child….Trust me on this one, nothing compares to holding your new born baby in your arms, watching them grow and learn, hearing their giggles and first words, feeling their pain when they fall down and scrape their knees, the memories they make in your heart….nothing compares to it, there is a chance that you will be able to carry your child to term and then continue in dance, it is worth the what ifs and unknowns to give your baby life….do not rob yourself of true joy and happiness, please give it some serious thought and please do not do anything until you have taken some time to really weigh the costs and research abortion and the effects, please email my friend Lisa, she knows first hand what it is like to live with regret… lisa@standupgirl.com ,I am here and I really hope that you will respond and keep in touch no matter what you decide…but please know that there is a reason that this little heart beats within your body, just like Bob Ross says, there are no mistakes, only happy accidents!! It is not a mistake that you are pregnant, this is an opportunity some women crave and hope for, you have this gift, regardless of your circumstances, carry this gift wisely!! Love Meg, meg@standupgirl.com

I think that time will help you heal, but start listening to not only yourself, but the other people around you trying to support you. You DO deserve to feel better, and eventually you will learn how to deal with this grief. Let yourself grieve and let yourself cry, get angry, remember your baby… do all of it. Make the best of this choice and do what you were trying to do for yourself. Live your dreams.