all i can tell you is i know how you feel. I lost my child and she was born, so I actually got to see her and bond with her before she died, so it was better in some ways but alot more emotional in others. You need to give it sometime. When my daughter died, I wanted to go in that grave with her. I couldn’t stop myself, and I was so ashamed of what had happened. The truth is, it was NOT your fault, and had the baby been born, there could have been serious problems. Chances are that you will not miscarry again, and this time the doctors are going to pay you much closer attention. I know its hard to not think so negative about the whole thing, and the worst thing about it being that people around you will move on alot more quickly than you will, but one day soon you’ll be strong enough to leave this experience in the past, and move on eventhough you will carry it in your mind always.