i finally went through with it

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      i went in for my abortion on saturday september 20, 2008. i had second thoughts all the way up until i was put under. i hung on to hope as long as i could and i even picked out names. i tortured myself for weeks with the back and forth thoughts of what i should do. many of you have emailed me and helped me through a lot. it just feels so strange now, like i have no feeling, is it normal? i feel numb, i cannot cry and i still fell like i am pregnant. sadly, i do not regret what i did, i know my baby is in heaven with god, yeas i said it, me the atheist is now a believer, i have to be, it helps get through knowing i sent my angel to heaven. i hope the numbness will pass and i can feel again, i should fell very guilty, right? there are things that go through my head everyday. i was 8 weeks and 4 days, my baby had 10 fingers on tiny hands that i will never hold. ten toes on two feet that i will never tickle. a smile i will never see…. i guess i do regret in some ways. not knowing what my child would have been like, never giving him/her a chance to grow and be happy and play with others. my baby will never learn, laugh, love, or hurt. i kept a copy of the sonogram and i look at it everyday. it is strange knowing that saturday morning i still had a life inside me growing and now there is only emptiness of what use to be, will this pass? my boyfriend even kissed my belly and said goodbye to our baby before we left on saturday. we talk about it everyday and we both have the same feelings, but we can’t go back now, it is way too late for that. i just wish i would have thought about all of this before i went through with it. so to anybody else out there that thinks they are doing the right thing, remember the little fingers and toes, the ballet recitals or soccer practice….. do you really want to miss out or have you child miss out?


        I have post partum depression and I have had a hard time crying as well so I know the feeling of numbness, However I cannot fully relate to how you feel because I did not abort, I am so sorry that you did not see soon enough what would happen and your post has caused me to have much needed tears in my eyes…You are right that your little baby is in the hands of God, He is also standing there with His arms wide open for you to take refuge in…You do have to keep believing and if you do then you will one day unite with your baby, you know a pain that you desperately wish you did not but do not give up, use it, just like you are right now, use it to help others not do what you did….My hope and prayer is that you will find the healing tears to shed and that you will feel whole again down the road, we are all here for you and I know that you can make it through the pain….I do not believe that you will ever “get over it” or that the the memory or pain will ever “pass” but I do believe that you can have hope to be united one day if you believe in Jesus and that the pain will lessen as a result of that hope and that your mourning or lack of feeling will turn to good use to help others….you just need to take it all one step at a time….here is an awesome resource that could help you take that first step, http://www.rachelsvineyard.org/ ,if you cannot afford it or find one near you then call this number, 1-800-395-HELP and they will give you the number and location to the closest pregnancy resource center to you where you can maybe get some FREE post abortive counseling and they could maybe help you find a way to a Rachel’s Vineyard Retreat….I hope that you will find a healthy source of comfort and that you will be willing to let the Lord reach down and hold you in His loving hands of grace and forgiveness….Love Meg


          i went through the same experience as you about a year nd a half ago apart from my ex was sleeping with another girl so that kind of made me act on impulse and think of the baby and not wanting to bring up my baby in that enviroment and i dont know what your reasons were for the abortion but i struglled with depression for about a year after my abortion i still cry about it now but the emptiness and the numbness does begin to go away after some time but it does take time i still think what if and imagine how life would be now anything sets me off like shopping or being on the bus i think i should have my baby with me now. i was 12 weeks when i had my abortion the choice was not mine and i do regret it but then i think i wouldnt be doing the things i am today and i know one day when i die ill meet my baby girl in heaven and ill explain to her why i couldnt bring her up because her daddy didnt love her like i did just be grateeful you had your boyfriend what hurt the most for me was when i di find out i was pregnant my ex did kiss my stomach and made me all of these promises about having the baby but he lied, the pain does get easier trust me. if you ever need to talk to anyone who has been through the same thing im always here.keep your chin up =]


            I just found out I was pregnant Tuesday night October 21, 2008. My boyfriend consoled me when he walked into the bathroom to find me crying. We had talked about what we would do before so abortion was the first thing that came to our minds. But now that it’s a reality and I know there is a growing organism inside of me my decision has become harder and harder. I know what i have to do to have a better life for my boyfriend and I. He is my everything and he supports me completely no matter what my decision and he said he wish he were out of school and stable so we could keep this child. I’m now five weeks along in my pregnancy and I know I have to take care of it. I keep saying take care of it so I don’t have to face what I’m about to really do. I just keep having to think about the fact that this growing thing doesn’t know its there yet and doesn’t know whats going on. But I know when I have children someday that I will always remember what was there and what I did. I’ve made up my mind and I’m trying to get prepared for what I have to do.

            R.I.P. baby, t.b.b. June 24, 2009


              Hey there, you do not have to “take care of it” but rather you can flip this around and TAKE CARE OF IT as in, take care of this precious life within you, Your boyfriend said he would be there no matter what you decide, well put him to the test! Abortion is not a back up birth control plan, you may have decided to have one in the event of becoming pregnant but you still have the option to back out and personally I think you should. I had to face that option twice and I made the right choice and have the greatest reward to show for it, I have 3 kids from 3 dads, my first two were conceived out of wedlock and I was a single mom for 4 1/2 years and we did well and more than survived. I am now married and have been for 2 years next month and I gave birth 4 months ago to a child that was conceived in wedlock with my husband. I love all my kids the same and so does my husband. This baby can and will have every good and blessed thing the world has to offer if you allow his or her life to continue. Some people say choose to give your baby life but you know what that is not the issue, your baby already has life, make the choice to let your baby enjoy life. You can and will be a great mommy and if you and your boyfriend chose to do so you can always consider adoption but no matter what let this baby stay alive, you know you want to, I can feel it in your writing…we are all here to back you up, please….listen to your heart on this and do what you know you need to, Stand Up!! Please….it may seem scary at first but you can do this, we all have and those of us here who haven’t would encourage you even more so to not go through with the abortion…you will suffer for it and you will have questions for the rest of your life….please think about it and do not be afraid to tell your boyfriend NO… Love Meg


                It is very frustrating that adoption is either not considered, not presented or presented as such a weak option by most of the people posting here.
                There are thousands of women like myself who cry ourselves to sleep at night because we can’t get pregnant.
                I think it’s ironic that so many women take their fertility for granted and assume they can have another baby some day when the time is “right” for them.
                That is not always the case!

                Why won’t anyone here consider giving a child life by creating an adoption plan instead of killing their baby?
                I really, really do not understand why noone here talks about it unless as an after thought like this post.
                I am a wonderful Mom and I would do absolutely anything legal to adopt again. Why won’t someone here consider allowing me to adopt their baby instead of killing it? WHY?


                  I would love to have my child and keep it and know that i can be there for it for every bump and bruise and smile down the road. but I could never imagine having a child but not having him or her with me. I know it sounds selfish and maybe i am being selfish but i believe everything happens for a reason and every choice you make creates a different path for your life. I havent slept in days because I know this is the hardest decision I have to face and i do know that what i chose will be with me for the rest of my life whether it is to have my child or not to. I know I’m too young. but i cant let that hold me back because i know that people grow and learn even if they are twice as old as i am. I know i have a lot to think about. I appreciate everyone’s responses, this is why i posted my thoughts here .thank you all


                    jlawrence, I wish you the best. I was in your shoes not once but twice and did not know what to do. The people around you can and are a big influence but you need to remove everyone except you and the baby from the equation. In the end rain or shine thats who is going to be affected from this. I have done both at 16 I had an abortion and at 18 I had my daughter. I am now 24 and I would not change the “paths I chose’ for the world. Life has a funny way of working itself out. But just know that you can do it, you can raise a healthy happy baby and be there for all the bumps and bruises. Nothing is impossible and having a baby does not ruin your life or change your path unless you let it. I know for me I am a better person for having my daughter as a teen and more sucessful then I ever dreamed. So again remove everyone else from the equation and think about what you really want to do. At the end of the day you are the one making this decision. I am here anytime to chat. Best of luck to you. Jessica


                      I just found out that i am 3 weeks pregnant.

                      I cannot have this baby so i am going to abort it.

                      what will ahppen to my relationship( we’ve been together for 1 month)
                      Coz i think that we will break up….?
                      and how do i cope with living with what i’ve done…?


                        Chris07, please do not abort your baby! If you can not care for your baby, you can give it up for adoption.
                        You will always regret it if you abort your baby. Please do some research on abortions before you do anything.
                        If you don’t have the finances for a baby, a Crisis Pregnancy center would probably be able to help you.

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