I chose life, and ended up losing anyway :(

I had an abortion when i was seventeen. It destroyed me and i vowed if i ever got pregnant again i would NEVER have an abortion, as i know how much it destroys you and how much it hurt me. When i found out i was pregnant the second time, i was scared but happy. I told the guy i was seeing and he was so angry at me yelling at me telling me i was making it up and i was ruining his life. But i knew in my heart i couldnt have an abortion no matter what he said. My friends and family were so supportive. I even went and bought some baby clothes..i knew this was the right decision i was making plans to go back to school and to move into my own place to get my licence, i was sorting my life out. Until one day i had been tiered all day, i thought it was just pregnancy, My friend dropped me home that night and i was watcing home and away i started bleeding little bits everytime i went to the toilet, and have cramps. i paniced and looked it up on the internet.

It said to call a doctor straight away so i did and they told me to go straigth to emergency. my friend came back and she drove me there. i got my own cubicle and the pains and bleeding kept getting worse. i was in sooo much pain that they had to give me morphene. my two best friends sat by my side, while the doctor came in and told me i was losing the baby. i cried and cried and cried. my friends sat there looking down they had ni idea what to do or say. i was angry blaming the doctors saying they shouldnt have made me wait they couldve saved my child. i had to stay overnight and my best friend slept on the cold hospital floor just to comfort me. In the morning at six am i couldnt take the pain any longer, i called the nurse and they finally put a drip in me and i felt sooo much better.

i got wheeled on a hospital bed to the ultra sound room, by this time i was exhausted and a mess. i wanted my baby back in my tummy and to go home and die. i had hope that they would do the ultra sound and see my baby, but they didnt, there was nothing there. all i could do was cry and cry, till this day forward my picture of my first baby sits in my photo album, and the clothes to my second angel sit in a bag next to my bed as i look at them regulary because for that five minutes i look at them and hold them, i am trullly happy.

i live with the pain of losing two children everyday, and people dont know how hard it is. my younger sister who is sixteen just found out she is pregnant and she wants an abortion, i tell her she will regret it but she doesnt listen…she doesnt know how lucky she is.

thanks for listening to my story..

let me know your experiences

Love & Peace x x