I cant get over it..

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      Hello everyone, I’m vikkie im 18.
      I found this site and think its about time i
      spoke out properly about my experience.
      I had a termination 3 weeks before my 18th (3 months ago)
      Ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years and were a
      very strong couple with a good relationship.
      I Think i conceived when we took a holiday camping.
      I has hardly no signs of being pregnant but for a long
      time somthing didnt feel right.
      I never had morning sickness,but my breasts felt so tender.
      Im a size 6/8 Uk size and i could see id put on wieght even early on.
      I guess i should have done a test sooner..I knew i was pregnant
      But it was just too much to deal with.
      I felt really ill one night sickyheadachy and by partner had had enough
      He wanted me to do a test, So we bought one and
      sure enough the two little lines appeared and indicated i was pregnant.
      it wasnt a supprise.But i knew then i had to decide what to do. i wasnt even
      sure how far gone i was. I made the decision to terminate my baby.
      I didnt think me or my boyfriend would cope,we couldnt afford it,
      So after an emotional trip to the clinic the appopntment was made.I was 9 weeks pregnant…
      The following tuesday i was admited into hostpital I sat in the waiting room with the other women around me.my boyfriend was there but i wasnt sure if i felt the support i needed from him.He still doesnt get how incredibly difficult the whole thing was.
      I was last..Which made it worse..it gave me time to think…
      I went into theater in my gown which came down to my feet because im so tiny (5ft)
      I laid on the bed and they injected the annestcic.I moaned a bit as it felt wierd then i was gone…..
      I woke up back on the ward with blood all over my gown,bed and legs…I knew this was normal but it terrified me..My boyfriend did his best i knew he was finding it hard seeing me in this state.
      Ive never spoke to anyone appart from my BoyFriendabout how hard i have found it ever since.Altho i have not truly expressed how i feel to him.
      I cant even tell my mum about how hard i find it i dont want to make her worry about me.
      I think i may need to seek professional help as im finding myself wondering
      around shops looking at buggys nappys and clutching at baby clothes and little bootys.I cant escape the feeling of it.I wonder everyday what my little angel would have looked like.I think i regret my desision.
      Sorry for the long letter but i needed to tell someone.
      If anyone has any advice, i would be most gratful
      Thank you for your time.


        i was in a very simular position to you. i had an abortion a few month b4 i turned 19 and my bf was 25, i hade been wth my bf for 3 years. my bf was there for me every step of the way but to me if felt like i was going through it alone, i brough this up wth my bf and he said coz its kinda like it never happend to him as he wasnt the one that had to yhve the abortion. i totaly respect and understand his point but inside i feel angry at him at times that he was part of conciving the baby but i was the one that had to go through lossing my baby. we talk all the time about having a baby now but we know that we want to wait till i am out of uni and can give our baby the best of eveything, it doesnt make me stop thinking about it eveyday. its hard knowing that right now i would be a mommy to a 1month old baby but i know that we that i did it for the right reason for us. its hard but i try and make it a positive. i try real hard to save money and do little things likethat so if it happens again i wont have to have an abortion. if you ever need to talk about it give me an email fun_loving29@hotamil.com.
        it does gets easer trust me


          I’m sorry about what you went through, I went through an abortion 3 days before my 18th last year and it was really really hard. I let it go this year when I found out I was yet pregnant again. It just seems like you made that decision by yourself and did what made you comfortable. I know it will be hard but try to stay strong. Make sure that you don’t get pregnant too soon again, because you might still have that belief deep down inside, which would make the situation a lil harder to cope with. Remember that you did this because you thought that your baby could not have the love and support s/he needed and that you made your choice based on your life, your bfs and your baby’s. Remember that you want the best for your child, and eventhough this experience was hard, there will be better things to come your way, and when it is the right time for you, you can make a great mother. :D. Good luck hun


            Hey Vickie

            I know EXACTLY how you feel. I had my termination a year ago and not a day goes by in which I dont think about my lil angel and wonder what he/she would’ve looked like. My bf and I had a very difficult time after because the holiday season was approaching and to see all the parents with there babies at time became just to hard. But some people have told me it will get better, which it sort of has but not much. I can’t really give advice on how to move on. I just hope you have a strong, supportive partner whose there to wipe your tears. I dont completely regret my decision but I do often wonder what if. But we all have our reasons and no one else was/is in your shoes. If you need someone to talk to feel free to leave me a note with your email. Stay strong!;)


              I don’t believe in abortion, BUT, its understandable that you panicked and wasnt sure what to do. I’m not exactly sure how you feel or what your going through b/c I’m 32 weeks prego now, but i would definitly seek professional help and talk to someone. I’ve been in counseling for multiple things in my past and I might persue a career in it and it really does help. maybe you can be put on anti-depressants. I got put on them in 1999 when my cousin died in my arms and I just stopped taking them b/c of the pregnancy. They really do help. goodluck


                You might try Rachel’s Vineyard. They have weekend retreats for post-abortive women where you can go through the grief process like you can’t do when you’re surrounded by judgement at home


                  i know where everyone is coming from to, its been excatly 7 weeks today, and it still hurts like hell.

                  To everyone that knows what i have done they think that i have gotten over it and that i have moved on, but the only person that hears me cry at night is my boyfriend. Im still with him which makes it that much harder t get over, but i know in my own time ill be able to get over it even if it is in 30 years time.

                  after i had the abortion the doctor told me that i have depression so i went on the net and researched what the doc told me that i had but i found out that i had a thing called pass (post abortive stress syndrome)

                  i just know that if i have another unplanned preganacy ill be keeping it this time


                  Post edited by: Nicolette, at: 2006/12/01 09:48

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